Why I need this surgery

Since my liquid diet ended I decided to give myself a break for a few days and start again with the liquids yesterday.  Well, I got caught up in the "Who knows when or if I'll be able to eat this again" and I have gained 8 pounds in a week and a half.  I tried to start again yesterday like I had planned and make it about halfway through the day before I went to throw out a container of Pringles my son had been eating only to realize there were 3 left.  I thought it would be OK to eat just 3 Pringles but that led me to crave solid food all day and then I ended up caving in by suppertime.  Last night I ate everything in sight! I vowed today would be better but then I got up this morning and couldn't resist the thought of McDonald's for breakfast just one last time.  Especially since I had a coupon (lol). 

I have come to realize that I am an all or nothing person.  I could quit smoking much easier than I could lose weight because I could just stop smoking.  I can't just stop eating.  I think that's why I found the liquid diet really not too bad.  I couldn't stop eating completely but I could stop eating solid food. I know I need this surgery so badly because I just can't do "in moderation".  After sugery when I get back on solid foods I will have the benefit of a tiny tummy as well as not feeling hungry. 

So here I sit feeling like crap for not having enough will power.  I need help so I'm making this vow in front of you all.  I WILL GO BACK ON THE LIQUID DIET TOMORROW AND I WILL STICK TO IT!  Like quiting smoking I has a couple of false starts but tomorrow is the day. Now if I don't do what I say you all have permission to give me a swift kick in the a$$! 

 Tina, 

You will kick a$$.  Do not be to hard on yourself - it is not about how often you go off track but how often you get back on.   Look at this group as your map - your people giving dirction.  Lords knows none of us would be here if we did not need helping hands!    YOur are strong you can do this!  And you will get on your liquid diet and lose those eight!!!

Trina

Tomorrow is a new day. For me - the miracle of RNY - is that I NEVER feel hungry - even 3 1/2 yrs later. And I still have good restriction. You CAN do it! 

 I keep looking for the like button....  LIKE MARY!!!  

OK,  I've been thinking ever since I made the first post.  I don't want to set a goal I can't achieve and I don't think I can do 3.5 weeks of liquid diet before sugery.  So as of today (not tomorrow, no time like the present) I am on low carb for the next week and a half and then on liquids for 2 weeks.  I did low carb for a week or so before my 2 week test liquid diet and lost as much on low carb as I did on liquids.  I will still meet my 8-12 glasses of water a day and will get lots of protein and stay low fat.  I truly feel I will be much more successful this way.  Now to cook some chicken breast for supper with some fat free ceasar salad.

I'm heading in the right direction.  Down 2 pounds since yesterday.  I finally feel like I can stick with it for awhile this time.  Now lets see what 10 days of low carb will do.

Hey Tina: Sorry I haven't been in here for a couple days. This is the 1st. that I am reading this.
Those darn McDonald's coupons !!!! I feel that if we don't use them we are throwing $30 in the
garbage. I also have the egg mcmuffins. It is soooo damn hard to stick to it with all the yummy
stuff so easily accessible. Bill came home with the KFC coupons the other day and that 2 can
dine Big Crunch combo $12.99 has been staring at me ever since. It pure torcher and Tina we
are all going through it with you. Girl, I know you have the strength to do this.... Keep the big
picture in mind ( YOUR SURGERY !!!! ) and how important it is to you...You did it before and
you will do it again this time too. Everyone here is routing for you. With Love Terrie

Thanks Terrie.  I don't think about wasting the coupons as much as wanting to use them lol.  I do have a real problem with leaving food on my plate.  As a child I was always taught to clean my plate. My Mom used to say "How can you waste that when there are kids starving in Africa".  God love her.  She would have done anything in the world for me but she didn't realize that one was doing me more harm than good.  Now I try to put less on my plate and I sometimes use a smaller plate so my plate still looks full.  If I am full and there is still food on my plate I sometimes have to ask my husband or my daughter to throw it out for me.  Its no good for me to wrap it up for later because I will end up eating it as soon as there's room.  When I do manage to throw something out myself I tell myself that its better for me in the garbage than inside of me.

Hello Ladies,
  As a Newfoundlander I was intrigued to read this forum even though I have been living in Alberta for over 15 years.  Can take the girl out of the island but not the island out of the girl...lol  The struggles you talk about are not uncommon and we all have our demons.  In Alberta we have a program called Weight Wise that is very comprehensive in nature.  We are assigned a nurse *****ally is the lead for our program while we see dietitians, occupational therapists, physical therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists (if necessary), sleep doctors, and other professionals as required.  We are not to meet the surgeon until each member of our team signs off on their part of the program.  The clinic requires that you begin losing weight immediately while following some guidelines set by your team.  Each person is given a different 'magic' number before surgery will be considered and they use this time to ensure that you are not only showing effort but that you are adressing some of the issues that have brought you to this place. 
I bet you are thinking wow that's incredible...and yes it is but again there are wait times, like everything else in our healthcare system.  I was referred to the program in 2008 and didn't get in until November 2010.  From there things moved what I think is quickly in healthcare standards.  For me, the nearly 3 year wait seemed to last forever...I frequently thought why are they making me wait when things are only getting worse...Really and truly I am now glad for the wait.  I was not ready to make the necessary changes to sustain what is now my new relationship with food. 
Last week I had a my sleeve surgery.  In advance of the surgery I lost 100lbs.  Many people said wow, if you can lose that much without surgery then why do you even need it.  The surgery for me is a 'tool' to keep the weight off and help me lose the rest of what I want to lose.  The reality of any bariatric surgery is that you can 'fool' it.  If I was the same self sabotaging me I would find a way to get a chocolate bar down my new tummy, perhaps even chasing it with an ice cream.  I'm not saying that there won't always be a temptation out there but I do feel more equipped now to resist that temptation.  We are all human and will make mistakes so we have to be prepared for that.  My fear is that people think that bariatric surgery is their 'miracle'.  Sure not feeling hungry is helpful, but that hunger is only physical, our head hunger is often much stronger.   Start making some of those changes now, reach out to various other practioners to see how they can help, address why you eat what you eat....These will all be great steps that will make your surgery that much more successful. 

I hope this doesn't sound lecture like because it is not what is intended...I want to support if I can and please feel free to ask questions.

D.

Thanks for your input DeeDee.  Its always good to see how things work in other places.  The program here is really new (the first surgeries were in May) and is constantly evolving.  No doubt as time goes by there will be more steps added in along the way.

The biggest problem for me the last couple of weeks was I felt the need to eat now because I won't be able to eat after.  I know that is not true and that within a few months I should be able to eat just about anything only in little amounts.  That was a stage I think I needed to go through in order to prepare myself for this surgery.  I'm past it now and back on the right track.  I know what you mean about dealing with your issues though.  Here are a few of mine.

1. I am a chocoholic - If I eat chocolate 2 days in a row I start to crave it so I only eat chocolate very occasionally.

2. I am a carb addict - If I eat something high in carbs I will crave carbs for the rest of the day so even when I'm not on low carb I try to stay under 30 carbs per meal to avoid the cravings.

3.  As I stated in a previous post I have a real problem with throwing out food on my plate.  Now if I can't bring myself to do it I get someone else to.

4.  I tend to be an emotional eater.  I know this is an issue and I have been working on specifically staying away from food when I'm upset or stressed.  I think I'm doing really good at this one.

I have also given up chewing gum, using straws, and soft drinks.  When I am on liquids I even grind up my vitamin in the blender with my protein shake.