question about Support Group Meetings

  For those of you who attend bariatric support group meetings, please answer these questions:
1)  What do you LOVE about your meetings?
2)  What do you HATE about your meetings?
3)  What changes would you like to see happen at your meetings?

Inquiring minds want to know!  

LoL

(((HUGS)))



 

I am three years out, and I don't really attend meetings much. I found that people tended to seek the "support" in meetings when they were struggling, which makes perfect sense to me, but I wasn't having the same issues (or really any issues) so I couldn't relate.

It also bugged me when people would say: "You WILL experience this..." "Or this ALWAYS happens..." without taking into consideration that even though that's what happened to them, every person is different.

I also found people to be very judgmental.

I also found that the leaders of the groups weren't as well informed as I would have liked, and didn't really share my experience. I've met a few lovely and well-meaning nutritionists, but none of them had had the surgery, or were ever fat themselves.

When I was early out, and not "melting" like everyone said I was supposed to be, I went to the groups and found people were literally crying because they were "only" losing a pound a day. That only made me feel worse.

I have met some wonderful people and made some good friends at support groups; but my wls socializing happens more around the Inconvenient Dinners that Tom Casola runs. Those people are more enthusiastic, more supportive, and more encouraging overall. We don't judge each other, don'****ch or comment on what other people are eating, and we are truly happy to "be there" if anyone else needs us. It feels like we are "foxhole buddies" and that we really "get" each other and that's a really nice, relaxing, and rejuvenating place to be. I think that's what support groups should be about too, but I haven't really seen that.

I agree with Linda.  I did attend one or two when I had my band and then a couple when I had my RNY.

What I found disturbing is that the nutrtitionists who ran them, while very sweet and nice, never had a weight problem and to me, I think someone running a support group needs to have had the problem (be it food, alcohol, drugs, etc) to make it work.  Does that make any sense? 

I mean to have someone who never knew what it felt like to be fat tell me that I shouldn't be eating something or should be doing something else just doesn't work for me.

I remember one support group meeting had a Mary Kay rep there peddling her goods.  It was under the guise of "taking care of yourself".  It turned me off to the group permanently.  It was awkward and stupid.  If I wanted to buy Mary Kay (which I don't and wouldn't) I would do it on my own time, not time that I booked for support group time.  

There was really no support at the formal meetings I have attended.  Just didn't like the vibe the meetings gave off. 

I too enjoy the dinners with Tom and the crew.  It's nice to be with others who "get it".

I have only been around a short time. 

The first meeting I ever went to was great.  Everyone seemed to know one another, they were friendly and helpful.  I really enjoyed that group.  The group was run by the hospital.  During the lecture part of the night, it was made very clear the group was for patients of the program only.  I did switch hosptials.  I wish I could go back and see this group again. 

The other two groups I have attended, which are connected with the hospital I had my surgery at, were ok.  One of the groups seems to have a 1/2 hour guest speaker, a proffesional in the field, and then 1/2 hour discussion.  There were a few "know it alls" in the bunch.  But, a have learned over my years in another program to take what I need and leave the rest.  Both groups were run by proffesionals for the hosptial/office.  I do agree, that a leader that has had WLS and our experience would be much better.  I will still be attending these two groups.  There are good people at them.  And I need to meet more WLS people in my area for fellowship, support, and fun.

The most helpful get together was the "Inconvenient/Convenient get together".  This was more of a fellowship than a meeting.  Everyone was so helpful.  They shared their experience, strength, and hope.  They did not preach or judge.  They are the people that have been checking in on me, since my surgery.  They are the people asking if I have any questions or problems.  It is not a job to them.  It is a way of life. They truly do care.

These are my 2¢

L8r,
   Chuck :-)

Hey Chuck...looks like you're doing really well. Congratulations and thanks for coming here to share. Keep up the great work...

Linda

Chuck,

Saying I am floored is an understatement. Thanks for the kind words about the ICGT. It's a labor of love. And when I say that it's the LOVE everyone to attends them give.

Hope I wasn't one of those know it alls from the support group. That's my biggest fears. 

I second your comments about the NJ IGT's....  that's really my only 'live' support group.  I do use the OH board for info, updates, info sharing....  but I enjoy the IGT's the most.  It really is supportive and friendly...    Mary 

I attend about 5 a month, and I recommend support groups strongly. 

LOVE meeting with others who have been in our shoes and wore our clothing, and able to share common issues

HATE many who lead the groups never have been in our shores or wore our clothes, yet state they know how we feel because they were once "overweight" and come to find they gained 10 pounds.

CHANGES: I think many of these need to have a psych Doctor to address "non-eating" issues. I also feel many who run these groups think there is "exact" science to each operation. Some find it impossible that I can eat more then 4 ounces at a meal. They think there is something wrong, and when in reality there isn't. Each person is different, each result will be different, and each journey is different. 

I have pretty regularly attended 2 support groups since my surgery. My surgeon's group run by a nutritionist and a patient run group.

I like hearing different guest speakers on different wls topics, I like hearing from those who are further out and maintaining and how they do that. I appreciate hearing from people of all stages and even those who are struggling. I like it when the same people attend regularly so you can make friendships.

I don't like my surgeon's group very much it is run by the nutritionist and there are no speakers. Just a few handouts on a topic and open discussion time. But while the group has grown in size since I had surgery there is one guy who had surgery about the same time as me (16 months out) and a few who are coming regularly but 6-8 mo out and then a revolving door of very new post ops. It's just hard to gain much perspective when you don't have people who feel hunger and think they will never want chocolate again!

Would those who are sharing their stories also include the location of their meetings.  I work a couple of jobs and I am having a doozy of a time finding a meeting that works with my schedule.