Morris / Sussex / Warren County Support Group - Proposal
On May 30, 2010 at 12:47 PM Pacific Time, hockeymom8016 wrote:
While I understand fully the objections to meeting at a restaurant, we have been having gatherings at various restaurants for over a year now without any issues. Just saying. Couldn't we do both? A private support group meeting w/ the option to go out socially after?
They are social yet informative and supportive. I think honestly, that something might be lost if we changed the format. I found that when I did attend the support group at St. Clare's in Dover, it never held my interest.
The ladies there are great though. Maybe because I really don't know anyone there outside of a meeting I feel that way. But the structured format of the formal support group leaves me feeling kind of bleh. If I have a question about an off-topic thing, I feel as though I am disrupting the whole group.
I get more out of hanging out with people I know than a bunch of strangers that gather once a month in a hospital to chat.
Not saying this to be mean or anything, it's just how I feel and why I don't like the formal support groups. Also, the further out I get, the support groups are geared more for newbies than people at or near goal or maintenance.
At our last meeting, I came away with good ideas, and feeling inspired to hear about and see how successful everyone is with what ever surgery they have had.
The ladies there are great though. Maybe because I really don't know anyone there outside of a meeting I feel that way. But the structured format of the formal support group leaves me feeling kind of bleh. If I have a question about an off-topic thing, I feel as though I am disrupting the whole group.
I get more out of hanging out with people I know than a bunch of strangers that gather once a month in a hospital to chat.
Not saying this to be mean or anything, it's just how I feel and why I don't like the formal support groups. Also, the further out I get, the support groups are geared more for newbies than people at or near goal or maintenance.
At our last meeting, I came away with good ideas, and feeling inspired to hear about and see how successful everyone is with what ever surgery they have had.
I agree with Jen. The formal support group setting does not appeal to me either. I really enjoy our dinners and do not feel anything at all is lost by having it in a restaurant. Over the months we have had a steady group that attends and we have gotten to know each other. I do not feel as though it would be the same in a different setting.
My original thought was the support group would be a separate function than the social gathering. I love the ICGT because we interact, and show/learn how to deal with “real world eating situations. However many have “issues" that cannot be discussed openly, and/or feel a social gathering isn’t the right atmosphere. The only reason I mentioned possibly holding the support meetings in a restaurant is that other groups do.
Since many feel they would not feel comfortable at a restaurant, the one “neutral" location I thought of would be a library. I have looked around, and the following two are the ones which are open the latest.
The Sussex Count Main Library, located in Newton (http://www.sussexcountylibrary.org/info_ml.htm)
The Mount Olive Public Library, located in Flanders (http://www.mopl.org/)
Since Sussex is big, I would be willing to try holding one in one place and another in the other place. Let me know if these two are convenient enough? If so, I will contact them to see how we can meet in their facilities.
Rest assured, the social gatherings will continue.
As I mentioned, this is a GROUP effort, so if you know of someone place better – feel free to mention it.
Good Luck on your Journey !!
Tom
“Nothing I will ever eat will give me the feeling I get as when I lose weight” The views expressed are based on my own experiences - and should NOT BE FOLLOWED IN LIEU OF DOCTOR’S ADVICE/INSTRUCTIONS. Only your Doctor knows your condition, and make sure you talk to them before making any changes to your diet
Tom
“Nothing I will ever eat will give me the feeling I get as when I lose weight” The views expressed are based on my own experiences - and should NOT BE FOLLOWED IN LIEU OF DOCTOR’S ADVICE/INSTRUCTIONS. Only your Doctor knows your condition, and make sure you talk to them before making any changes to your diet
At least at the two gatherings I have attended, we are a "rowdy" group. Would a library be appropriate for us? If people are worried about money, I don't think our last bill was a bank breaker, do you think?
Again, not trying to sound mean, but "issues" that can't be discussed openly may be more appropriate for the formal support group setting. Then again, I am not one to be shy about what I am thinking or feeling, so just about most topics are not off limits for me.
Reality is that other people in the restaurant could care less about what we are discussing, and eating with others who have had or are considering WLS is very helpful. Food issues, I think, are probably the hardest to overcome and being in a social setting with others like myself are great and incredibly helpful.
Maybe this is me too, but going to a formal support group feels like it's a stigma to me, like I am being singled out, and quite honestly, they are depressing. They are not run by people who were or are obese, or people who have had food issues. It's much like getting counseling for alcoholism from someone who has never had a drink before, does that make any sense?
I really enjoyed the last meeting and I for one would be sorry if we stopped having them.
Just my .02
Again, not trying to sound mean, but "issues" that can't be discussed openly may be more appropriate for the formal support group setting. Then again, I am not one to be shy about what I am thinking or feeling, so just about most topics are not off limits for me.
Reality is that other people in the restaurant could care less about what we are discussing, and eating with others who have had or are considering WLS is very helpful. Food issues, I think, are probably the hardest to overcome and being in a social setting with others like myself are great and incredibly helpful.
Maybe this is me too, but going to a formal support group feels like it's a stigma to me, like I am being singled out, and quite honestly, they are depressing. They are not run by people who were or are obese, or people who have had food issues. It's much like getting counseling for alcoholism from someone who has never had a drink before, does that make any sense?
I really enjoyed the last meeting and I for one would be sorry if we stopped having them.
Just my .02
Hey all:
Reading this thread, it becomes clear that there are two needs people are interested in serving here, and it sounds like dinner is not the best idea for one, and a "closed door" support group is not the best idea for the other.
I personally have not gotten very much out of meetings: in the beginning, I was losing slowly and SO discouraged when others talked about their jet-fueled flight towards goal. Now it seems to me like people come when they are having problems or are seeking advice, and drift away when things are going smoothly. People come to get support, but don't seem to stick around to give it. It also seems very problem-oriented. Again, not very relevant to my experience.
I also agree with previous posters who say that meetings are often geared to newbies; and I especially agree with the comment that they are often run by people who have never walked a mile in my extra-wide moccasins. I find that some group leaders can't relate to the fat experience, and they even jump to proclaim: "but I was NEVER fat" before sharing their diet "tips." Some even go so far as to judge the food choices of group members who are SUCCEEDING and didn't really ask for "help."
That said, I think support groups have their place, and serve an important need. I hope there will be one around that I can drop in to when and if I ever need it. Until that time, I LOVE the IGTs. Everyone shares their experiences, but people are generally very happy and enthusiastic, and I feel something there that is absolutely unique. Unlike anywhere else in the world, everyone there "gets it!" I feel completely understood and embraced by that group in that environment. Its sort of like being foxhole buddies.
So, the answer may well be that both are needed, and it would be hard to combine them. I would love to try out a support meeting that Tom initiates. I hope I can help in some way and be a very positive force in that group. Newton, however, is too far for me. Budd Lake/Mt. Olive is way more do-able. But I wouldn't want to change the dynamic of the IGTs. They are fun, I've made good friends, and the informal way that we share works perfectly in that setting.
Reading this thread, it becomes clear that there are two needs people are interested in serving here, and it sounds like dinner is not the best idea for one, and a "closed door" support group is not the best idea for the other.
I personally have not gotten very much out of meetings: in the beginning, I was losing slowly and SO discouraged when others talked about their jet-fueled flight towards goal. Now it seems to me like people come when they are having problems or are seeking advice, and drift away when things are going smoothly. People come to get support, but don't seem to stick around to give it. It also seems very problem-oriented. Again, not very relevant to my experience.
I also agree with previous posters who say that meetings are often geared to newbies; and I especially agree with the comment that they are often run by people who have never walked a mile in my extra-wide moccasins. I find that some group leaders can't relate to the fat experience, and they even jump to proclaim: "but I was NEVER fat" before sharing their diet "tips." Some even go so far as to judge the food choices of group members who are SUCCEEDING and didn't really ask for "help."
That said, I think support groups have their place, and serve an important need. I hope there will be one around that I can drop in to when and if I ever need it. Until that time, I LOVE the IGTs. Everyone shares their experiences, but people are generally very happy and enthusiastic, and I feel something there that is absolutely unique. Unlike anywhere else in the world, everyone there "gets it!" I feel completely understood and embraced by that group in that environment. Its sort of like being foxhole buddies.
So, the answer may well be that both are needed, and it would be hard to combine them. I would love to try out a support meeting that Tom initiates. I hope I can help in some way and be a very positive force in that group. Newton, however, is too far for me. Budd Lake/Mt. Olive is way more do-able. But I wouldn't want to change the dynamic of the IGTs. They are fun, I've made good friends, and the informal way that we share works perfectly in that setting.
I thought it was going to be one group or the other.....
The IGT's have been far more fun and valuable as compared to the traditional support group setting, at least for me. I like Linda's comment of being "foxhole buddies". That sums it up best.
I would love to help out as much as I can too, I have experience with both the band and RNY, and understand the pro's and con's of each surgery.
I also agree that Newton is kinda out of the way for me - I would prefer the Mt. Olive or even Mt. Arlington area.
The IGT's have been far more fun and valuable as compared to the traditional support group setting, at least for me. I like Linda's comment of being "foxhole buddies". That sums it up best.
I would love to help out as much as I can too, I have experience with both the band and RNY, and understand the pro's and con's of each surgery.
I also agree that Newton is kinda out of the way for me - I would prefer the Mt. Olive or even Mt. Arlington area.
Sorry if there is confusion, and I will try to clarify thing.
I will continue to do the IGT. In ADDITION I would like to try to do a support group for those who live in “outer edges of the universe". They will be two separate meetings. I think the IGT are vital so we can all share our experiences, and also interact and learn how to “live life to the fullest".
The support groups will be for those newbies and/or veterans who are having difficulties, or just want to vent, or share, or just get out of the house. It will be open to anyone. I feel the first few gatherings will be small, but hopefully word of mouth will catch on.
As I said, since
I hope this clears things up. Sorry for all the confusion this caused
Good Luck on your Journey !!
Tom
“Nothing I will ever eat will give me the feeling I get as when I lose weight” The views expressed are based on my own experiences - and should NOT BE FOLLOWED IN LIEU OF DOCTOR’S ADVICE/INSTRUCTIONS. Only your Doctor knows your condition, and make sure you talk to them before making any changes to your diet
Tom
“Nothing I will ever eat will give me the feeling I get as when I lose weight” The views expressed are based on my own experiences - and should NOT BE FOLLOWED IN LIEU OF DOCTOR’S ADVICE/INSTRUCTIONS. Only your Doctor knows your condition, and make sure you talk to them before making any changes to your diet
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