How is it going after five years?

Hello, Many of you have asked..how am I now.. would I do it again.. etc...? I was terrified to have surgery. When the doctor made it to the hospital, she looked at me.. checked the chart and said, "let's go" She could see the terror and did me a favor by knocking me out ASAP. It was very painful, very difficult at first, but after about a week, I was feeling better every day. I had my major, "Oh my God what did I do?!" cry. As I was losing, I was wanting to do more. The first month I was literally exhausted. I wanted to do more, but my body wanted to sleep. It was still healing. The more I lost, the happier I was that I did do the surgery. I hadn't found AMOS until I was about 4 weeks post op. I had no clue what was going on. I didn't know it was called an RNY, or what distal and proximal were. My surgeon quickly explained, but I still didn't understand. I learned a lot from AMOS. When I first found the site I mainly lurked in the chat room learning all I could. They also had a doctor come in for live Q&A sessions. I read a lot there and asked a few questions of my own. I was a slow loser. Not losing much for a year, but then losing quite a lot again, after three years was it? You can read my disappointments and depression as I thought, this is it, I'm one it won't work for, I'll always be MO. When I started losing again, I started to do things like take my younger son to the park. Go down the slide w/ him on my lap. Go up the playground equipment, right behind him. Things I'd only seen other parents do when he was two. Him and I have been bike riding together, last year... after he taught himself to ride a bike. And when him and I race.. you bet I win! Something I only dreamed of w/ my older son. My teen... we were shooting hoops together. Both my boys, I can go to their schools and sit in their desks.. and not take the desks w/ me when I go to stand up. I don't have to be afraid and want to leave right away. I don't have to fear that I'm a total embarrassment to them. I'm in school. I'm working, for AMOS, plus a few of my own clients. I can bend over and tie my shoes. I can fit into bathroom stalls.. and take care of my own hygiene while in there. I'm not bawling out of total frustration. Friends and I remember when I couldn't fit behind booths, when my rear couldn't fit on stools. I see myself walk towards a glass door, or walk by a store window and realize, "That's ME and I look OKAY!" After almost five years, I STILL don't drink with my meals. I drink before, but then always wait, out of habit for that 45 mins. I don't like hamburgers or greasy foods much. I do drink diet pop, but I haven't like sugared pop since before I was 16. And when my surgeon found out I was drinking diet tea.. she still informed me.. "take all the liquid out of sugared pop and you have half a can of sugar." YUCK! My friends still hear me say, "I've gotta have my protein." I have never done this w/ powders or bars. I've done it w/ cottage cheese, tuna (13 grams per serving each), meats.. cheese (but not in excess). I have done a protein bar on occasion when I'm in a hurry, but usually, it's beef jerky, turkey jerky (I love to make that myself), thinly sliced chicken.... I'm always thinking of protein. I do have chocolate at times (a neighbor who's about to have an RNY caught me w/ two Hershey Kisses last week). I will order the apple crisp w/ caramel, but then, most of it goes to a friend or my kids. If I want to taste it, I let myself taste it. If I eat too much, I still get sick. I don't dump as I used to, but I will get real tired and have diarrhea when I've indulged too much. Sometimes I'm "blessed" w/ the pain that goes w/ it, but not often. When I eat that one bite too many, I want to roll up and die. And after five years out, the amount I can eat, is usually about 3/4th a Sandwich. Sometimes, just half and the other half goes to a friend. The years I've been here, I've heard of many revisions from VBG to RNY. I've been asked if RNY is reversible. Honestly, why would you want to reverse weight loss? I want this to be permanent. I don't ever want to go back to the way I was. Back then, I asked myself, "when will it end? When I'm 400#, 500# or more?" I was terrified. I can't make decisions for you. This is totally up to you. I'm having Plastic Surgery on the 9th of June to remove excess skin form stomach and upper legs and thighs. Again, I'm terrified of the pain. But, that too will pass. This was the best thing I could have done for myself. If this is the route you choose, I do honestly believe that this is the best thing you'll ever do for you. Good luck and love ya all! :kiss: