Totally upset with myself!!!

Okay, so I got on the scale today.....guess I have been avoiding it not wanting to know what it said.  I was very disappointed with myself when I saw the results of my relapse of behaviors that I have tried so hard to over come.  So how does everyone else do it??  I was doing so well, then little by little, they crept back into my life.  Now it is a daily struggle to get through each hour, minute and second of the day.  I think the only thing that has actually helped is the fact that I have been exercising like a madwoman. 

Anyway, I have "come clean" with myself, but still really struggling.  Why is it that we work so hard in sabotaging ourselves? 

AND WHY IS THERE A CUPCAKE AT THE BOTTOM OF MY SCREEN??????!!!!!!  CHOCOLATE NO LESS!!!

I'm sorry that you have been having such a struggle with everything. I wish I knew the magic fix to it all but I don't. To be honest I have  been lying to myself too about everything, trying to slide through, doing things I swore I would never do ever again and I'm paying for it as well (the scale honestly is the most evil thing on the face of the earth!).

I know people always so go back to the basics, get out all the handouts and information from when we first joined the program to get refocused, but I think sometimes there is just so much other crap (ie life) going on that its not as easy as people seem to think it is (does hub and spoke really sole all?). Perhaps its the season change into the cold, dark and dreary that brings us back to the bad place... big sweaters cover all the issues really.

Again I'm sorry that I don't have any answers for you, but know that there is at least one person by your side struggling right along with you. I'm sure my big disappointment post will come next week after I meet with Dr. Gens. Sometimes I think I psych myself out bc my scale at home isn't the 'official' scale... but next week reality is going to kick my ass... hard!

Time to take out the frustration at dodge ball I guess.

Good Luck Bama... and if you need to anything you know where to find me!

hubs and spokes..

i think this time of the year is sooo hard... i am finding the portion control hard my self as i get further out...

bamma you have the tools and skills to do this! i have faith in you !! coming clean with your self is a great first step... maybe you should give jeff a call and see if he has any ideas.

you know i am just a phone call or text away if you need me or if you need a butt kickin i am here..

Dave

The stupid cupcake are are.............STUPID!  Why the heck would they do that?

Ok, now on to you.  Martha, you have to start putting yourself first.  Even though you are exercising a lot, you still have to watch what you eat.  It is more difficult (in my opinion) with the Lap Band.  You need to be more structured and stay on track.  You need to tell yourself you CAN do this.  Stop getting too comfortable where you are if you are not happy where you are.  I understand how hard it is.  We all have days/weeks where we slip.  BUT, we all have the tools to use to get us to where we want to be.  Sometimes our stupid minds telling us to steer away from what we should do.  It is all head games.  I guess my advice would be to start from scratch.  Take it 1 meal at a time.  Don't beat yourself up, that will make it worse (again, head games.) 

Tell me to shut up if I was too hard on you.  I kind of babbled on and on.  Can't wait to see you tomorrow at Jazzercise! 

Lisa  

Lisa,  you are never too hard on me....it is things I need to hear and realize.  I am not happy where I am, and I am the only one who can do anything about it.  I made it through today and stuck right to my plan, and will continue to do so tonight.  thanks so much for being my friend, and for being there.  I can't wait for tomorrow night!!!!



Thanks to everyone else.  It is so hard to face those old demons that you thought were long gone.  I really need to do this, so I guess I just need to follow my own words.  I will not try, I simply will!!!!! 

Oh and Pokes, taking my anger out on the dodgeball floor got me in trouble last week!!!

Martha,
   You can do this, like Lisa said it is head games.  I agree that you have to be harder on yourself with the band.  I know I can't eat the sugary things with out getting sick, but you have to actually have to make the choice to not eat it.  When you go to eat something ask yourself  "Am I hungry, or am I eating for stress, or am I bored?"  Food = Fuel.  I read on a board once that it is not how much we can eat but how little we can eat to live!  It makes me think when I measure out my portions. 

OK now  We are here if you need us call or write or yell, we will be here for you as you have been here for us.   Life happens and no matter how well we plan and walk this life, "Murphy" (law) will find us.  We just have to find a different way to deal with stress.

You can do this and remember "if you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a ball"

LOL...Sookie you are awesome!!! 

Martha, I feel your pain!  I have been having a hard time lately too.  Don't know what's going on. Not measuring, not getting in protien and GRAZING!!!! Gave myself a talking to and did a little better yesterday, did write everything down. One day at a time.....  Cindy

Well, I am glad to hear that I am not the only one struggling, but sad to hear that also.  It is so hard for us I think because we want so much to be "normal".  I think normal for us is so different than for others. 

Thanks Sookie for your kind words, and for everyone's support.  I know that I would not even be close to where I am without all of you.  Everyone is the best here. 

Martha,
   your welcome!

And I have never been normal I could never eat just 1 cookie, or just one plate at Thanksgiving.  I don't think normal has been applied to me.  I just know what I need to do, I am early out and I see hubby struggling as well, and with a little prodding he is getting better, but I know that in the end he has to be the judge of what he puts in his mouth and so I am responsible for what I put in mine.  

Remember you are human and you are loved!  you have touched each one of us and we are here for you.  Enjoy class tonight and dinner after.