Calling Whitespots

How did you appt go yesterday???

Hey Jennifer! It went well.  I forgot to ask one question tho - does anyone know if Dr. Pacuilli makes you do a liquid diet before surgery? Anyway, my DH was there with me and we asked some questions, talked about some things, got prodded.  Found out I was 1 lbs away from goal - stupid scale at home is fubared - it's showing I am 10 lbs lighter than I really am.   But it is not too much a big deal, she said to lose as much as possible, the more I lose before the better off I'll be.  So next week I'll weigh in with Nancy and then wait until I get my letter for insurance approval then schedule the surgery.  Even though I was a pound from goal they are still going to send in my insurance request.  Of course, when I got home I lost that pound, lol. I'm having 2nd thoughts/cold feet/whathaveyou.  I am not scared about the surgery, just the unknown afterward.  My DH says he's behind me 110%, but I can't help but worry about what lies ahead... When we met and I was thinner than now I was really outgoing, he's a quiet guy and not very outgoing himself.  I am afraid as I lose weight and want to do things he is not going to want to.  He's also morbidly obese... I am hoping he will lose weight with me and become more active when I do, but he absolutely LOATHES the gym.  Other than eating things in smaller portions maybe(?) and eating better things (low fat/low carb/high prot) he should lose weight.  We both did WW together and he did awesome - he gained some back after we stopped, I gained it all back.  He is adamant about not wanting surgery either - which is fine! I am just afraid of the unknown.  I tried talking to my Mom about this last night and her response was 'well can you postpone it until January?  Maybe try Jenny Craig or something similar in earnest - you know what to do now'.  Um, I've always known what to do and I am NOT looking to be talked out of this!  I haven;t bee working on this since February for fun! And to be honest?  I like food.  I like bad food - I mean, that's why I am here.  I am slightly afraid of failure too.  Of not being able to eat what I once loved.  Maybe I won't want to after surgery.  I HOPE I don't want to.  I don't THINK I will want to.  But it still makes me nervous. I guess I am just venting now - it all seems to REAL - because it is and I am a little scared. Thanks for listening.

Jenn, i think that from all the reading I have done---fear of regain is a huge thing for many of us.  We have failed time and again at sustained weight loss....why should this time be any different???  RIGHT?  I have done a lot of reading on the 'why' this sugery works as opposed to diet and exercise (that only works in ab out 3% of morbidly obese people).  It seems to me to have three parts.  1. Restriction and Malabsorbtion.  I dont need to clarify that at all...I am sure most of us who have researched the surgery can talk about that endlessly.  2. Forced Behavior Modification.  For some time, you have no choice but to modify behavior....and the hope is that after a year of forced behavior modification---healthy eating will be an established pattern and not just something done on 'occassion'.  :)  3. Something to do with the cutting of the nerves in the stomach (I also hear there is a similar thing with banding) that there is a disruption of communication of sorts with the brain....not sending hunger signals the way it had in the past.   ONLY you can tell if this is right for you.  No one, not your mom, not your husband--can make that decision for you.  Yes, time and again I have thought to myself---maybe just ONE more diet will do the trick... but for me...I know that NO diet is ever going to do it as long as I can eat half a cake with a nice big old glass of milk....or three helpings of lasagna.  I am a volume eater........The first time the dietician showed me a single serving of mashed potatoes...I laughed my fool head off.  You have GOT to be kidding me!!!  Now I know why I weight as much as three people....I eat as much as three people!  I am no longer in denial of this.  For a long time I lied to everyone, even myself, "I dont know why I am this big...I eat good food."  I do eat good food....just way too much good food. 

Jenn, I can realate to everything you wrote. I worry about how my relationship with my husband will change. I weighed thirty pounds less than I do now when we met, and he's about the same (although he did lose close to a hundred and then gain it all back.)

It's interesting to think about my relationship with food. It's used for everything- celebrating, mourning, boredom, etc. This is going to be a HUGE change for the entire family. My husband won't be able to bring a slurpee home to me anymore after work, and we won't make any ice cream runs. We'll just have to find ways to change together.

Have you met with the NUT yet? She'll give you your dietary instructions. The day before surgery, you will have nothing but clear liquids. After midnight the day of surgery, you'll have nothing at all. The two weeks after surgery, you will be on an all liquid diet.

Hi Jenn,     Here is the 2 cents from a woman married 24 years and to the same guy, too!  LOL.  And what I'm about to say is just a rephrasing of many things Dr. Wagner said during my classes.  Your marriage has the best chance of surviving (and for that matter, all of your current relationships as well) if you and DH are very clear that this is your surgery, your decision, and your choice of how best to improve your lifestyle and your health.  I think it is about healthy boundaries.  About knowing and respecting where you begin and he leaves off.      My DH is very into music.  He loves sing-a-longs and would sit and play guitar and sing Bob Dylan songs to me every night if I would listen.  I won't.  After 24 years, I politely decline and do something else.  I love fabric and knitting.  I do that stuff with my friends.  In fact, we are very different people but we get along famously and truly enjoy our home life and our very few shared interests:  historical sites, nature walks, etc.    I think my DH will be a great support for me but that doesn't include him eating a ton of veggies and giving up ice cream.  Neither he or I think that way.  Anything in the realm of life-style changes would need to be negotiated and I'd have to do some pretty fancy talking to explain why my WLS means he can't enjoy a beer or two, for example.  I've been trying to identify possible areas of concern.  I think traditional family holidays like Turkey Day may be a problem for me.  If they are, I want the option of changing my participation.  That would impact him and his holiday.  So, we negotiate.  But if I want to walk and he wants to sing songs?  Then I walk alone or find a walking buddy.  I'm a grown up and I am my own person.  I don't need permission but I have to stand on my own two feet.  Finally, I remembr a QOTD that mmichelecw put out to us several weeks back.  She asked us just exactly is support?  What would it look like?  DH wants to support you.  What exactly is it you need from him?  I don't mean that in  a snotty way.  I mean it literally as in being able to exactly describe what this support is.  A walking buddy, him making his own meals, no chips in the house and so on.  Maybe if you can be very clear on that, you'd both step off the pool ladder with confidence.  Well, there is a book and for free!  Maybe some of this is just pure, raw nerves?  Thinking of you - Treading