Crepes Janine (no, it's not a recipe...)
I went today for my pre-op testing. I think overall it was a funny experience and thought I would share...
First is the chest X-ray. They had me take off my nice thin cotten shirt and bra, and put on 2 johnnies - one with the slit in the back and the second used like a robe. Now, I'm sure that the idea is to make sure that there are no clasps or anything that are bad for the x-ray, but I had twice as much covering me now than I did when I went in, which was my first chuckle.
Chest X-ray was a piece of cake, so then it was time for the barium swallow for the upper GI. They prepared me for the taste, so that was fine, but the texture was weird. First it was these little crystal pop-rock kind of things, shot down with a little water then this thick milky chaulky stuff - yuck. Nothing that surprised me, though. Then they had me turn to face the "wall" that was behind me. This was actually the tabletop and they swung me down to laying-on-my-face position. All I could picture in my head was Frankenstein's Monster. "It's alive!" (Did I mention that at this point I had been fasting for about 16.5 hours? I was a little dingy.)
Then, the doc had me roll to my left, now roll to your right, now roll to your belly by turning left the whole way over (don't fall off the table!) now roll back to your back. Then he tilted the table further so that my head was a little lower than my feet. This continued for a few minutes and the johnnies now have me wrapped up like a burrito. The doc then explains that he's got to get the whole inside of my stomach coated with the goo. Basically, I'm rolling myself around like you do to flour a cake pan! Now, all I can think about is Martha Stewart's Breakfast Special that had been on in the waiting room. I have a picture of her rolling the pan around to spread out the batter. Crepes Janine! (My husband rolled with laughter at this mental picture - I hope you do too.)
After then rolling to my belly and drinking more goo so that the doc could actually see the swallowing process, they tell me that I do in fact have a stomach and it's where it should be. Excellent! Off to the lab...
The sweetest little lady in the world grabs my shirt by the shoulders and kind of shakes it. She declares that it's loose enough to not make me undress and gets me to lay down on the table. She warns me that she has very cold hands from the alcohol rub stuff that they use between patients. I assure her that it's alright - how bad can they really be? - but then she touches me! Great googlie-mooglie! She must keep those hands in little buckets of ice before she mets with people! Brrrrr!
It takes a whole 10 seconds to get the reading that she needs and then the cold hands are back to peel off all of the little electrode stickers. Off to get blood drawn...
This is pretty routine, except that she takes 5 tubes of blood. I'm pretty sure that I give less blood when I donate. By the way, I've now been fasting for at least 17 hours, not counting the barium. Thank you Jesus - I remembered to bring a granola bar with me. I practically ran to my car after that before they decided to poke, prod or steal anything else from me.
Seriously - if you've bothered to read this far - the people were all wonderful and it wasn't nearly as stressful as I imagined. I meet with Kristen (NUT) tomorrow morning for the second time - this time to learn about post-op eating. I'm also getting weighed in. I'm within a few pounds of my pre-op goal, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed, drinking extra water, and trying to figure out what outfit that I can wear tomorrow that weighs the least amount. I've completed everything else - if I can just lose these last few pounds, I get to meet my surgeon. WOOHOO!
First is the chest X-ray. They had me take off my nice thin cotten shirt and bra, and put on 2 johnnies - one with the slit in the back and the second used like a robe. Now, I'm sure that the idea is to make sure that there are no clasps or anything that are bad for the x-ray, but I had twice as much covering me now than I did when I went in, which was my first chuckle.
Chest X-ray was a piece of cake, so then it was time for the barium swallow for the upper GI. They prepared me for the taste, so that was fine, but the texture was weird. First it was these little crystal pop-rock kind of things, shot down with a little water then this thick milky chaulky stuff - yuck. Nothing that surprised me, though. Then they had me turn to face the "wall" that was behind me. This was actually the tabletop and they swung me down to laying-on-my-face position. All I could picture in my head was Frankenstein's Monster. "It's alive!" (Did I mention that at this point I had been fasting for about 16.5 hours? I was a little dingy.)
Then, the doc had me roll to my left, now roll to your right, now roll to your belly by turning left the whole way over (don't fall off the table!) now roll back to your back. Then he tilted the table further so that my head was a little lower than my feet. This continued for a few minutes and the johnnies now have me wrapped up like a burrito. The doc then explains that he's got to get the whole inside of my stomach coated with the goo. Basically, I'm rolling myself around like you do to flour a cake pan! Now, all I can think about is Martha Stewart's Breakfast Special that had been on in the waiting room. I have a picture of her rolling the pan around to spread out the batter. Crepes Janine! (My husband rolled with laughter at this mental picture - I hope you do too.)
After then rolling to my belly and drinking more goo so that the doc could actually see the swallowing process, they tell me that I do in fact have a stomach and it's where it should be. Excellent! Off to the lab...
The sweetest little lady in the world grabs my shirt by the shoulders and kind of shakes it. She declares that it's loose enough to not make me undress and gets me to lay down on the table. She warns me that she has very cold hands from the alcohol rub stuff that they use between patients. I assure her that it's alright - how bad can they really be? - but then she touches me! Great googlie-mooglie! She must keep those hands in little buckets of ice before she mets with people! Brrrrr!
It takes a whole 10 seconds to get the reading that she needs and then the cold hands are back to peel off all of the little electrode stickers. Off to get blood drawn...
This is pretty routine, except that she takes 5 tubes of blood. I'm pretty sure that I give less blood when I donate. By the way, I've now been fasting for at least 17 hours, not counting the barium. Thank you Jesus - I remembered to bring a granola bar with me. I practically ran to my car after that before they decided to poke, prod or steal anything else from me.
Seriously - if you've bothered to read this far - the people were all wonderful and it wasn't nearly as stressful as I imagined. I meet with Kristen (NUT) tomorrow morning for the second time - this time to learn about post-op eating. I'm also getting weighed in. I'm within a few pounds of my pre-op goal, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed, drinking extra water, and trying to figure out what outfit that I can wear tomorrow that weighs the least amount. I've completed everything else - if I can just lose these last few pounds, I get to meet my surgeon. WOOHOO!
H 336 / S 314 / C 294 / G 150
LOL! I remember feeling really silly during the upper GI too. The pop rocks cracked me up! I was SO nervous about everything, and then these little things start popping in my mouth! LOL!
I hope you're close enough to your goal to meet the surgeon! We'll probably end up having surgery around the same time!
I hope you're close enough to your goal to meet the surgeon! We'll probably end up having surgery around the same time!
Very amusing story, Neener!
I'm still laughing about the crepes. But I am now wondering why my upper GI was so different than yours? I think mine was an Upper GI with Small Bowel, if I remember correctly. I did all that you did but I ended up having to walk around for 2 hrs- had xrays every 20 minutes - until the barium had cleared the small intestines. I was there all bloody morning! And since I had to drink extra barium I can tell you I had one heck of a stomach all the rest of the day. Weird. But I'm glad your experience was so ....tolerable and thanks for the laughs! Treading
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