Taking my life back.

I really don't remember just how much I have posted on this board about the situation with my daughter, so I will give a quick overview. Since Sept. 15th she has had a heart attack, stroke, triple by-pass, open heart surgery to remove a tumor from her heart, a blood clot removed from her right leg, her left leg amputated, and dead muscle removed from her right leg. She has spent all but about five weeks of the last four and a half months in hospitals and care homes. The rest of the time she has been here with me. She has been through so much that at times I feel guilty that her not helping herself with the things she can, makes me angry, but she simply does not want to do anything for herself. A couple of weeks ago she was getting herself from her bed to the commode. Now she won't even do that most of the time. She was using her good leg to bare a lot of the weight when I had to lift her, now she doesn't. I have been waiting on her hand and foot. I am also having to raise my granddaughter because my daughter won't take any responsibility with her either. I have to admit that I am exhausted. But I am taking my life back. There are a lot of things that I will have to continue to do for my daughter and granddaughter, but I refuse to do the things that they can do for themselves. I am through being a slave in my own home and life. I am through never doing anything that I want to do because someone else says they don't want to. I didn't have this surgery to live my life as a slave and martyr. I had this surgery to live and that is what I am going to do. Life has its responsibilities, and I won't shirk them, but I won't help others shirk their responsibilities by putting them on me. Have I vented long enough and blown off enough steam? I really do feel much better since I have put my decision into solid words. Hazel

Dear Hazel, You are one heck of a women to do what you have done for your daughter and the support you have shown to granddaughter. Your daughter will realize one day that you are the greatest mother a daughter could have she is struggling but she will realize you will be there for her support and we will be here for your support. Keep up the faith and the sun will come up with beautiful rays and they will land on you . jimmy

Jimmy thanks for your support. It means the world. Hazel

Hazel: You are an amazing person. You really are!! You sound like the kindest, sweetest Mommy anyone could want for! I wonder why your daughter will not do for herself? Has she lost the will to live? Sometimes people loose all hope and they just give up. Do you do too much on her behalf?? (I'm just speculating, it could be..................) That's exactly right, you did not have this surgery to live your life as a slave, and it's good you know that. If your daughter HAS given up, there's not a lot you can do. and that sounds very sad to me. But I want you to know that I will be praying for you, and for her. There is a God, and I know that he sees this, and wants to be there for you. Your daughter has to "want" to live, but only God can give her that. You can want it for her, but that can only go so far, obviously. Your grand daughter needs you, and needs to know there is a life for her, in her future. BE THERE FOR THAT!!! and you'll get more hope. It's too bad your daughter is doing the least amount. Maybe if you start expecting her to do more...............? I don't know. Just a suggestion. God bless you, and I'll be praying for you! Rebekah L.

You hit the nail on the head. Frostina hasn't lost the will to live, I just think that she has come to expect me to do everything for her and the first thing that I am doing, is to stop doing the things that she can do for herself. Years ago I had a therapist ask me why my children needed Jesus when I rushed in to save them from everything. I guess I still tend to do that. I really appreciate your careing. Hazel

Hi Hazel, you are an awesome gal. You have done wonderfully with your weight loss and getting your life back. It is so hard when you want the best for your family and they don't want to help themselves. My sister is that way and it is so hard. Keep up the good work and know that we are always in your corner for you. Mona

Thanks Mona. It helps when people understand. I have an appointment in Ogalla on Feb. 12th. Are you going to be there that day? Hazel