Smaller Than I was in High School - Painful Memories

I often here people talk about finally being smaller than they were in their younger years. I honestly ignored the scale so my only gauge has been how large I thought I was.

I read an article about a charity giving away prom dresses for young ladies that could not afford one and I thought I still have my prom and graduation dresses so let me give them away. We wore long white gowns for graduation (pretty much wedding gowns.)

The dresses I wore for senior prom and graduation were size 24. I was 18 years old and probably no more than an inch or 2 shorter than I am now. That was 24 years ago.

Today I wear an 18! I am now probably the size I was in junior high school!

As much as I want to celebrate, this brought back the teasing, the memories of always being the tallest and biggest child in my classes, always being picked last for teams, and being called terrible names (thunder thighs in elementary school).

The dress is on the bed and I need to let it go along with all the past hurts.

As I wipe away the tears, I am thankful for my wls journey. I can now appreciate life and empathize with others who are looking for better health.
 
Thanks Barb for continuing to remind us to celebrate the successes!

(((Valerie))),

Know that some young lady is likely put on those dresses and will have tears of her own well up in her eyes. However, her tears will likely be both gratitude and appreciation for the gift you are giving. She will likely look at the face in the mirror and see a beautiful young lady looking back in the mirror. That is a lovely, thoughtful gift.

I would bet just about all of us can relate to the pain you articulated. I think that we have all been there in one way or another at one time or another. I was 19 when Ben and I married and my wedding gown was a 22 and back then Plus Size gowns were few and far between. That was more than 33 years ago and my grandmother made sure to let me know that a real bride, a bride that was proud would never walk down the isle like that. I was crushed before her 'pep talk' and devastated afterwords. I have forgiven my grandmother and am still working on forgiving myself. It wasn't until I had lost the weight that I saw the potential she had always seen in me. It wasn't until she was older, heavier and frail that she realized my strength and beauty weren't all associated with the person she could see on the outside, but the person that I am on the inside. I was the grandchild that stuck by her side and took care of her in her old age. With that she saw what she called my 'true beauty.' It wasn't until I lost the weight that I realized and saw the potential she had seen in me. I wish that both of us had a more balanced view of who I was. I am working on trying to develop that balance now; to appreciate the person that I am and what I look like. I know that you are doing the same thing and I hope that you see the beautiful woman that we see when we look at you and know that we want you on our team every chance we get!

BTW... Can you share the information about the organization collecting prom dresses?

Hugs!

You are such an encouragement!

I know we have talked about how your grandmother viewed you and could see your potential. That is heartwarming.

I do not remember hearing anyone in my family talk of my potential, so I have spent my life 'proving' to them I am worth something. I have all but given up proving myself as they still see the 400+ me. I cannot remember the last time someone in my family told me I looked beautiful or great.

Thank you for allowing me to be on your team! I am still working on finding the confidence to be a regular and valuable contributor to the team.

Here is the link to the story:

http://www.garnernews.net/view/full_story/11078563/article-P rom-Shop-offers-free-dresses

If you can't hear it from them, I hope you hear it loud and clear from me and so many others that find you beautiful and valuable in soooooo very many ways. Not only are you physically beautiful, but your tireless, gentle and generous spirit are beautiful and something that I aspire to all of the time. 

Thank you for sharing the article with me my friend. 

I really hope to see you again soon to get one of your wonderfully comforting hugs.

Love,

Fionna,

I am fighting back tears and wishing that there was a way that I could email a real life hug to you.  Your last few posts about sad memories from school and feeling inadequate when it comes to your family, made me think a lot about the same issues in my life.  For me, I think the weight made me want to be invisible, and now that I want to be seen it feels like they don't think I'm worth even looking at.

I want to tell you that forgiveness and moving on has everything to do with you and nothing to do with them.  Often times people confuse forgiveness and reconcilliation.  You need two willing parties to reconcile, and it hurts to think that in some cases, reconcilliation may never happen.  But with forgiveness, it only takes one willing party and that's you. 

As easy as it is for me to type this, it's a million times harder to actually do it.  I've been struggling with forgiveness for years, and everytime I think I have it under control, another family function takes place and I end up feeling insignificant, ignored, then hurt and angry and resentful all over again. 

I've said all this to say, you're not alone and I'm right there with you.  The way that we THINK others perceive us is really the way that we in some ways perceive ourselves.  We're beautiful, Fionna, and always have been. 

[[[[Lauren]]]]

Thank you for the encouragement! Your comment about being invisible really hit it! I have never been one for a lot of attention, but just to be acknowledged. I so feel invisible!

Talking about forgiveness and reconciliation, you are so right! It is all about me and as I struggle with forgiveness with one family member, he called while I was at the hospital with my mom. We have to spoken in 2 years and it is funny how he wants to talk now that he is having some difficulties.  I seem to be worthy when folks need something.

I do with thinking of myself as beautiful and am thankful for a loving husband and great friends and support that help remind me!

Take care!