Ok so the Honeymoon is over and I've been bad

Nancy Good to here from you.  This is so scary some days I'm really good and bing I'm up 3 more pounds and WHY!!!  It's not muscle pleeze.  It is like all the nerves have reconnect and the staple line unzipped.  Or my bowles have figured out how to not let a signal calorie slip by!  It's almost like the craving is worse now.  I don't get it.  All I know it is harder now than it was before to get on that wagon but somehow I've got to.  I went shopping with my daughters today for my oldest for wedding gowns and though I am wearing 8 jeans it's cause they are stretchy and my waist and gut and around my bra is flabby again with fat.  My kids say "Oh bleeze mom" but I almost feel like it doesn't matter what I do it's all coming back and it is really depressing.  I'm not even going to bother buying a dress for her november wedding cause in my head I'm already telling myself " well it anin't gonna fit by then"!  I don't know I just want to get away from all this.  I am so dissapointed in myself.