Finally received referral for consult

I'm so excited!  I've been overweight most of my adult life and am excited at the possibility of running around with my kids and doing things like hiking, running, etc that I've not been able to participate in for such a long time.  This all being said, my husband isn't as excited as I am.   He said he's just concerned with my family history that this will be the beginning of many more surgeries.  Let me explain that part - my mom, dad and sister had all gone in for surgeries (some minor) but ended up either with complications or follow up surgeries.  He says he's just scared.  I am too, isn't anyone who is potentially looking at surgery???  I think there may be some insecurities since I've been overweight most of our marriage he's not had to worry about other men looking at me and he feels there may be chance that will happen if I lose weight.  Is this a usual response?

Hi KD,

First of all congratulations on your referral. Secondly, while this is not without it's risks, it is a relatively safe surgical procedure.

Like you, I was overweight throughout my marriage. To be honest, I don't really see that I get that much more/different attention from men, but then I'm middle-aged now. My husband isn't worried and doesn't have any reason to be. It's not uncommon for insecurities to raise their head when someone loses weight. I don't think that new insecurities develop, but I think existing ones may come to light. I think it's important that you and he work through those issues, but I don't think it would be healthy for you and/or your relationship for you to not have the surgery because of his insecurities. That's my humble opinion. 

Wishing you all the best,

 

I just wanted to add my congratulations on taking the first steps. Involve your husband in as many of the appointments and consultations as you can. Encourage him to ask questions of the health care professionals - it should help to ease his fears and concerns.

Good Luck to you - keep us posted.
- Iris

My husband was the same way about being insecure.  I think it's normal as it's also normal to fear the unknown.  My husband was much better after going to the surgeon's office visit with me and asking questions.  As for the insecurities... he still has them but we're working through it.  I am not going anywhere and time will show that..

Kelly

Thanks for everyone's replies.  We've been married almost 18 years - I'm not going anywhere.  I have made sure to include him from the time I first considered the surgery to present and will continue.