wierd issue

I love that I have lost weight, don't' get me wrong.  But I am getting a little tired of the attention. I know it will stop once I stop loosing and stabilize for a while.  Hopefully people will "forget" the fat me.  But I have never been at getting complements or attention. Sometimes I don't know what to say.  Do I tell about the surgery?  Or just stress that I now eat well and work out all the time?  Maybe I should go see a professional because it's really starting to get to me.  I am now avoiding situations or have to pump myself up to deal with the questions and complements. 

My husband is also getting a little jealous.  We were getting food for the boys at a burger joint yesterday and some guy was starring at me.  I honestly didn't notice.  Maybe because I don't actually look at other guys faces.  But DH said something to the effect of "do you know him?"  And I looked up and this guy was looking right at me.  And he continued to loo****il he went to his car.  I was flattered (maybe he just thought he knew me) but freaked out.  Also a little pissed.. and thinking "would psycho-guy still look if I was 'fatter' Kelly"... too many questions.

OK.. maybe I am just being a freak =)

Kelly

The attention thing is weird. I know for me personally - I'd made it almost an extra career to just blend in - to try and camoflauge myself in any given setting or group. Some folks thrive on compliments and attention. I'm not one of them.

I've learned to just say "thanks for noticing" smile and move on. Sometimes my head doesn't fully understnad that people aren't still looking at "Big Ole Iris" that they're seeing a much smaller / lighter version. That bothers me that they see me differently than I see myself. It's something that we continually have to learn to deal with.

Take some time to practice a few replies - like to the fella at the fast food place "Excuse me but do I remind you of someone?" or what have you. A little practice will put you in control and make you feel more at ease in any given situation.

- Iris

Thanks Iris.  You are right. I need to know what I am going to say so I don't get caught off guard.  And yes, I have spend a lot of time trying to camoflauge my body and self hoping no one would notice how large I was.  I still do it. 

Kelly-

I agree with the previous poster but remember as long as you are happy with you don't sweat the other stuff.  I get comments from my dad all the time that really irritate me.  He says things like, you need to gain some of that weight back, you look bad, you look sickly and etc.  I used to ignore it but now I reply with, I like the new me and it doesn't matter what other people think.  Then of course, I get the stares and comments from guys, the comments from co-workers about how much I've lost and etc.  I can't seem to go anywhere without someone making a comment.  I've learned to say  thank you, it's hard work but the payoff is well worth it.  I keep moving and keep the conversation short!  Some will never leave it alone and I'm okay with that.  Yes it is irritating sometimes but hey, if I could bare walking around at 350+ lbs, I'm strong enough to deal with the comments.

Deb

Thanks.  I know I wasn't the only one dealing with this... and advice is always helpful.
Kelly

My husband is far from the jealous type.. He embraces the fact that people think he has a hot wife...
The only time he has ever gotten upset was the ball.. There was a few marines that had a bit to much to drink, and making comments about sexual things..He had to put them in their place... He was like your not going to disrespect my wife nor myself.. Get yourself in check..  
other then that he enjoys the attention he gets..lol 
i'm like what ever, i let it roll and not bother me.. My husband knows i'm not going anywhere, 
Tell your husband to take a chill pill and enjoy the new sexy you.. 

yes.. he does need to relax a bit.  Thanks.

Kelly

Hi Kelli,

I think it takes a while, but eventually, your new size will be the normal you. I am now actually surprised when someone is surprised to see the smaller me, but then my surgery was about 2.5 years ago and my new size isn't quite so new anymore. 

My husband doesn't really get jealous. That said, he's much more aware of other guys paying attention to me than I am. I never seem to notice, but he does. That said, he doesn't seem to be threatened or bothered by it. It might help your husband for your to talk with him and reassure him that he's the only one you have eyes for and it doesn't matter who else notices you. 

While once in a while I found it mildly irritating that people showed me more attention as a slim person than as a fat girl, it hasn't really bothered me that much because those *****ally count don't really care one way or the other. 

When asked directly, I will tell people 'how' I lost the weight, but otherwise, I don't necessarily say. I was out with a friend today who had also had surgery. She mentioned that we had both lost more than 100 lbs. When the clerk asked how, she said we eat less, better and move our tails. That's all true and I didn't feel the need to add that we used surgery to help us along. I think whether to tell or not to tell is a personal decision and you can make it on a case by case basis if that works for you. I think that Iris' comment that you might want to prethink your responses is a great idea. 

I hope that you won't stop going out and/or doing things you enjoy because you are concerned about someone's comments. I think with a little planing you can and will be able to have a 'retort' that you are comfortable with. 

 

Thanks!

No I will not quit going out and doing things.  It's just hard sometimes.  I feel like just saying I had surgery undermines all the hard work it really takes to loose the weight. I dont' think I will tell people unless they are close. 

As for the attention.  I am sure as I get more comfortable with my body it will be easier.  I too don't notice attention from other men until DH mentions it.  But by the time he mentions it he's usually irritated.  Not at me but at the other man... That's just something he'll have to get over now that he has a trophy wife (LOL)  Just kidding...

Thanks,
Kelly

My surgery is private and my business...I wouldn't tell someone that you had surgery unless YOU wanted to. Telling them that your working hard and have changed your eating habits and are working out is not a lie...your bust'n butt! That's ALL that they need to now...JMO :)

As for the men...we know how their brains are wired! lol Reassure your hubby of your love for him and just look past the perv's...lol  I recently ran into a gas station to pay for gas and felt like a total piece of MEAT standing there! ugh...lol

Continued success to you and ENJOY that new body!