Two Years Ago...

Two years ago tonight I had a breakdown. I was still in the hospital from my RNY (9-13-2007) and it was the first night I was by myself. I had just taken my first shower post-surgery, and while it felt wonderful I was exhausted. I was having trouble with my drain, and between the emotions and the pain for a little while I thought I had made the biggest mistake in my life by having surgery. It didn't help that the more and harder I cried the more it hurt at the time.

Fortunately that was the only time in the last two years that I thought the surgery was a mistake. There have been times when I have second guessed my decision, but even those times have been rare, and only went as far as me wondering if I could have done it without the surgery.

I would do it all again tomorrow. It is hard for me to believe that two years have already passed. I look back at the girl I was pre-surgery and I feel like I'm looking at a stranger - on the inside and outside. When I made the decision to have WLS I knew I needed to take a two-pronged approach in order to be successful - one side was to address the physical issues (which was the main reason for the surgery), and the other side to address the emotional issues. On the physical side (and I'm talking both health and appearance here), I have been successful. More than I ever imagined. On the emotional side, I've definitely covered a lot of ground but it is still a work in progress, and probably always will be. I found that all of my old demons were still there after surgery, but that now I no longer have a scapegoat (as in I have problems with <fill in the blank> because I'm fat, and I no longer have my number 1 coping mechanism of stuffing my face to depend on. As I said, its a work in progress.

For me, two years post-op feels very good. I've maintained my weight (plus or minus 5 pounds) for 7 months now, and I hope that my body has found its happy place, even if it is not the place I hoped to be. I hit MY goal weight at 12 months, but my body didn't agree and the scale kept on moving. Not that I'm complaining at all - it has just been hard to adjust from someone who always needed to lose weight to someone who could afford to gain a few pounds.

So for me, this is what two years post-op looks like:

Weight: From 260 to 119 pounds
BMI: From 46.1 to 21
Body Fat: From 49% to 15.1%
Size : From 22/24 to 2/4
Blood Pressure: From dangerously high (with meds) to perfect
Cholesterol: From terribly bad to "amazing"ly good
Blood Sugar: From borderline diabetic to perfect

And that is why I ultimately decided to have the surgery - to be healthy. I love the fact that I can run up 5 flights of stairs and not even be winded. I love that I can fit comfortably in any booth, chair, car, etc. and that I can cross my legs. I love the fact that I'm much healthier at 32 than I was at 22. I love that I can run a couple of miles and not think anything of it. I even love (okay like) the fact that I still have a hard time shopping for clothes because its difficult to find the size I need - just now instead of not being able to find sizes big enough the problem is I can't find sizes small enough to fit. Most of all I love the fact that I no longer feel like a prisoner in my own body.

Sarah

Congratulations Sarah on 2 years!!!  I know you feel great!  I am 7 years Post Op and have to agree with everything you said.  It is wonderful that we have been given this 2nd chance at life and that we're FREE!!! 

Anyway, just wanted to say congratulations and keep up the great work!

Sheryl

Thanks for sharing your journey with us. This was the perfect post to read first thing in the morning. Congratulations on all that you have accomplished.

- Iris

I too had a couple of moments when I doubted the sanity of the procedure but I have never regretted having it either.   I am almost 9 months out now and I love life!  I have gone from a size 26 to a size 10/12.  I hope I do as well as you have.  I see where my body has made changes and I am working  hard on the mental/emotional changes.  I still think food will solve boredom.  I deal with that daily.  My job slows down around 10am and I realize that I will turn to food if I am not thinking.  I now have a plan of action.  I put aside some work for down time.  It helps me not to  graze during those times.  I figure I just need to break those triggers. 
I wish you continued success. 

Hi Sarah,

Congratulations on all of your accomplishments. Thanks so much for sharing your highs and lows. I think it really helps us all to hear that it's okay to be scared and that it doesn't 'fix' everything. Wishing you continued success and much happiness.

Warmly,

 

Thanks-I needed this today.

Wow, I could have written all of this other than the crying after surgery part. I have never regreted it for one moment. I too am about 2 years out and am dealing with the same things.

Hang in there, it is a journey!

Thank you for honestly sharing your journey and congratulations on your successful weight loss and good health. I have my RNY tomorrow and hope to have success also.

Good luck to you Jackie. You will do fine I am sure. I am now 2 weeks out and feeling good. This was a very inspirational message to read first thing in the morning for a new post opper. I have no regrets either just still trying to adjust. Thanks for the message

Michelle