Putting Others First....

I believe in taking care of others but over my life I did it to the extreme that I forgot about Valerie!

Everyone elses needs came before mine, which is ok. We are born wanting to gratify ourselves and we seek self preservation daily.  Along the way, I forgot to 'preserve' myself.

I want to help, take care of, and be there for everyone. I would never say no and I so tried to please everyone. Maybe I was overcompensating for being the overweight girl that I thought no one loved. I worked hard being the care-giver throughout my life.

If Valerie does not take care of Valerie, no one else will take care of Valerie and she certainly cannot take care of anyone else.

I have learned it is ok to put others first, but not at the expense of mine own health. I am responsible for my health and I cannot hold anyone else accountable for it.

I am healthier today because I started to take care of me. I am better able to take care of others because I am taking care of me. My road to taking better care of me started with the decision to have WLS.

I thank God for leading me on this journey and for all the wonderful friends I have made here on OH.

My message today is take care of you!  That may mean...

take your vitamins
make better food choices 
incorporate some type of exercise into your daily activities 
take a vacation (I sure need one!)
learn to laugh
share some hugs
stop depriving yourself and enjoy your favorite treat in moderation
say 'I am sorry' (its ok to be wrong)
say 'I love you' every chance you get
slow down (it's ok if it does not get done today) 

Make a positive change today to take care of you! Love ya!
 

 

 

Thanks Valarie.
I also need a lesson in taking care of me...

Kelly

Valerie,
I think you need to be named The Queen of this message board.
I enjoy all your wonderful post.
I agree with all that you write on here.
It has taken me a long time to put myself first.
This does not mean I dont care about others it just means I have to love myself more.
I chose wls and by doing so I accepted to take on the challenge of everything I must do to help myself.
                                                   Annie

What a great message to read this morning. I declared 2008 to be the year of the Iris and basically had to learn how to put myself first. I'm so glad that I did. It felt selfish at first but now I realize just how wrong I had been.
 
Putting me first makes me even more productive and a much better person in general. I took last week off from work and took a stay-cation. David & I stayed home but we had a ton of his family in for the holiday weekend.

I cooked - boy - o - boy did I cook. But everyone loved it and it was all healthy. I ate my protein first so there was little room for anything else but the fresh veggies coming out of the garden made great salads and huge pans of squash and onions. But my very most favorite meal of the whole thing was what we called the "Currituck Surf and Turf".  I had a bout 3 bites of a marinated steak that was grilled but then I steamed a bushel of "blue" crabs. His family thinks that snow crab legs are "crabs" but having grown up the daughter of a "crabber" - blue crabs are king!!!  So there were 10 people that learned how to pick crabs. We talked and ate and picked for hours. The great part is that 2 crabs are my limit so after that - I picked for everyone else.

It was one of those AHA moments. A huge family function that was "semi-dominated" by food but the food didn't take center stage for me. I loved the conversation. It was - hands down the best vacation that I've ever taken.

- Iris

Like most of you, i tried to be everything to every one and mostly ignored myself... the reasons were many, not the least of which, like Valarie, i wanted to be the fat girl that everybody  accepted and loved...

i drove myself crazy trying to do and be everything that everyone needed/wanted.  One day, while visiting clients for a CPA firm i worked for I happened to be talking to a psychologist ... he he told me something that has stuck with me for many years... and it's something that i live by now.... what he told me was... "NO is a complete sentence". 

You don't have to do or be everything that people ask of you.  You don't have to have a reason or an excuse not to do or be what someone else needs or wants.  You don't have to feel bad because you can't or won't do or be what someone else needs/wants.  You don't have to answer to anyone but yourself. 

I started saying no shortly after that... i found that my life became more manageable.  i stopped being the enabler for those in my family that were tied to drugs and alcohol.  I stopped running in all different directions trying to do everything for every one.  I stopped putting every one and every thing before myself and my own needs.  Oh, believe me it took ALOT to do that... and i certainly didn't start taking care of my own body right away.... that still took many years for me to do. But i finally did.  and I'm so very thankful for it.   I work very hard at not falling into the same old traps.  I work very hard at taking care of ME.  I love my husband, family, friends... but i LOVE ME TOO.... Finally...

I had to wait for my kids to become adults before I allowed myself to come to a higher priority. I wish I hadn't waited so long but i am glad I finally got with the program of getting my health back. It still is hard to put myself first though when money is tight and my protein and vitamins are somewhat costly but my DH insists that I buy them first. He says he wants me healthy and he does help me see that getting that way benefits everyone not just me in the end. Who's to argue with that?