Happy with the weight loss, still feeling like a failure

Hey gang.
I don't post much, mostly just looker.  But for some reason, I feel like I need to post.  I am just over 2 years 4/25/2007 was the day my life changed!  After a all time high of 344  I lost down to a low of 182. OMG I was so excited and happy with that change!!!  Lost 162 pounds by Jan 2009.  But I still wanted more. I still felt like that if I didn't get to the 150 goal I had in my head that I was a failure.  Everyone has that perfect number and size in their heads.  I'm a 14-16 from a tight 28, and a M-L from a 2x-3x.  Who would not be happy with that.  The last 4 months as my 2 year anniversary approached... I slipped.  I'm back up to 200 pounds this morning.  I'm now a 16 still M-L shirts.  I am still happy with my LOSS even at 200 pounds, but don't get me wrong.  I'm not happy with being 200 pounds, and I want to loose again.  And I have.  For the past month I went back to 187, then back up to where I am now.  It seems to be on a yo-yo again.  I hate this.  I know some of why I have put back on, more carbs than I should. And being able to eat more than before, and head hunger.  I need to get back on track, and I am going to start today.  I need to get my mind set, that I'm no longer that person I still see in my mind. It's funny,  when I was 344 pounds, I never saw myself as being that big,  when i got to 182, I saw myself being big.  I know my mind still has not caught up to my body.  I do carry pictures to show myself where I was and where I am now.  Sorry for rambling.  Just guess I needed to put it in writing what I've been thinking. 
A new life started 4/25/2007, and now 5/3/2009, I will continue with the new and leave the old behind!

Oh, I can relate to everything you said!  Everything!  The numbers are different but not the experience...  I need to exercise.  I too have gained a few pounds (like 4 but on my small frame it makes a difference) and I want to get to that goal weight I had set for myself... perhaps an unreasonable one, but I see others there with the BMI I want, and I just plain want it, and feel like a failure because I am not there.  However, that has not been enough motivation--yet-- for me to get off my butt...

Joy,

I'm soooo glad that you came on and posted. We are at about the same point in our respective journey's... It's not to diminish the difficulty involved in stripping off the weight, but maintenance is really where the 'hard work' comes in.

I want to congratulate you for recognizing and managing the regain! You've done fabulous job getting that regain off. You may realize 150 and you may not, but in the 180's you are an AVERAGE sized woman. I started at a much lower weight than you did, but I have to say that for me, I felt I would be successful if I got to a size 14 and you are there. You are successful!!!

I bought and have been using a book called the 'Beck Diet Solution' ... This is not a diet, it's a way learning to 'think thin' and it's been a big help to me. 

I too regained. My low weight was honestly too low for me at 132... I was pretty comfortable at about 137 to 142.... I got close to 150 and did the same thing you did with 200... Ahhh.... those magic numbers. Anyway, I did an about face and marched my butt back down to 143. 

I don't think that there is enough discussion about the second and third years... About how much more you can eat. About the fact that the way we lose the weight isn't really tied to the way we need to maintain the weight loss. You have started a wonderful, thoughtful thread that will enlighten a number of people following us and help those of us who are in the same place feel less alone and provide one-another support.

Wishing you continued success.

Thank you,
Never in my life would I have thought that I would be happy to hear that I was an average person!!!
I will also put the Beck Diet Solution on hold at the library.

 

Glad you are posting and that you are taking action! We all deserve the body and the life we envision for ourselves. You have come so far and done so well!

I can so relate that you could almost be telling my story!

3 years out
Not at goal weight (starting to think seriously about what my goal weight should be - I honestly just picked some arbitrary number)
Very happy with weight loss (143 lbs)
Scale has gone up 20 lbs

Not obsessed with the scale, but found I also was no****ching it enough to catch the pounds coming back. I saw 10 then 15, but it took me seeing the 20 lobs to say whoa! I believe I was happy with the weight loss and got complacent. Thought I had it licked.
I made a list of the things I know I should be doing but am not as I know the weight gain was a result of me forgetting I have to work at this forever.
After I made the list, I prioritized the items as I knew I could not do them all at once (setup for failing).
#1 - Not exercising (AT ALL)
#2 - Mindless eating (eating 4-6 times a day just to say I ate but eating whatever I chose rather than focusing on protein, low fat, low crab, etc.)

Started all this in January.
Eating much better. Recognized BIG craving that I was satisfying daily. Eliminated it (much easier than it sounds). 
Started couch25k (look for Andrea's post). This effort has made me start thinking about what I am eating as now I am more conscience of not sabotaging this task.

Scale is coming down and I am pleased.

The basics still work - you are not done unless you say you are done! Hang in there and keep reevaluating what you feel you need to do for you and do it! I am routing for ya! 

Wow,
Thanks Fionna,  I guess I never really thought abut the working at it forever.  I did get complacent too.  I knew that this was a tool, but I guess I never realized how hard you WOULD still have to work, after the weight was gone.  The good thing is the exercise.  I do get to the YMCA at least 4 times a week, 2 days weight lifting and 1 hour of water aerobics, and 1 day of 30-1 hour of elliptical, and 1 day of 45 min cycle class.  I realized last night (cycle class) that I am not pushing myself hard enough in there either. 
I will say that since I have posted,  I have cut back alot on carbs.  Mostly protein.  I have lost some of the gain back (a lot of water I am sure).  This morning I weighed ( yes I weigh every day, always have, always will) I was down to 194. Lets hope it keeps going down!!!

Joy

I second Barb's recommendation of the Beck Diet Solution.  Really does help with the mental aspect of all this.

I think you are a great success. You are also wise to want to turn it all around. We need more disscussion on this subject. We need to learn more about successful maintenance. I am sure I am not alone in being afraid of messing up my success. Maybe we need a daily post on maintenace and how to be successful at keeping the lbs from coming back. I surely could use  some tips.
Good Luck with your mission. Keep us posted on your progress.
Myrtis