Dating again......after post-op?????????????

Can't believe I'm posting this but here goes.........dating again??  My surgery is scheduled for 4/27 and I have a LONG way to go to get to goal weight.  Friends & family keep telling me that I'll get to "looking good" and will be interested in dating again.  I can't imagine it.  For many reasons....can't imagine myself a thinner person and don't know if I could ever get past the "why not interested in me before????" stage not to forget that I'm older now.   I enjoy coming to the boards and reading all I can.  It's been so helpful and I'm thankful there's a place for us all to exchange concerns, our joys and accomplishements, etc. but so far every posting I've read everyone is either married or in a relationship.  Just wondering if there's anyone out there who has fears/concerns such as I?????

I am no where near ready to consider a relationship.  I have been divorced 3 times and that is one of the reasons I hesitate.  Also I am a little over half way to my goal, but still don't see it happening!
Perhaps it has to do with my age?  I am 55.

But there are some - Iris - for one who has found happiness in a relationship.  And I am sure there are others.

Congratulations on your surgery date!

Shelia

There are forums for Weight Loss Singles check out all the different forums I actually monitor 4 different boards that I belong to because each one meets a different need of mine.  But on all the boards I have found single, married, divorced and seperated.  There are also age group forums find one or more that will fit your particular need.

I am married and when I got married I was not at all as heavy as I am now, I married my husband for better or worse.  I have done so much yo yo diets and all he really cares about is my health.  So if you find someone once you lose weight or on your way down how would you know that person would not have liked you before weight loss?

I wish you the best on you weight journey and if you date or not best of luck with that also.

People say the darnedest things, don't they?  Society does seem to dictate that in order for us to be happy, we need to be in a relationship.  But then again, God DID decide the only mistake he made was making Adam alone and he promptly rectified that situation!

I am 59 years old and not in a relationship, much as I would like to be.  I do the internet dating thing and I have to confess that I have had many more dates since I lost the weight.  I figure I am finally doing the dating I never really did in high school or college.  What I have found, is that, thick or thin, it is still me out there.  I am just learning to refine my "skills" at long last.  It bothered me at first that I got more dates since slimming down.  However, once I thought that through, I had to admit that overweight men do not appeal to me all that much either.  What's good for the goose...  And I also have to admit that one of the things I was hoping would improve after my surgery would be my love life, which was virtually non-existent prior to surgery.  It's an interesting process, is all I can say.  I just show up and try to leave the outcomes to God.

OK - so we all knew that I would respond to this post - mainly because it's near and dear to my heart. A quick refresher course - I married my high school sweetheart and was married for 12 years (actually 2 days short of our wedding anniversary) before he died suddenly at age 33. My focus after that was on my kids because God knows the very last thing I ever intended to be was a single mother.

While in the grieving process I met a fella and "fell in love" - far from it but that's another story in and of itself. I was with him off and on for 5 years. During that time I started looking into surgery - for me. We became roommates - nothing more. While I was recovering from surgery at my Mom's I had my ah ha moment and told him to leave. I came home to an empty house - and loved it. It took all my focus to wrap my head around what was happening with me and the changes that I was beginning to go through. Can't say that I'm anywhere near finished with that process but I knew that I needed time for me. So I took it.

Fast forward from August to late Novemeber. I was on here and mentioned eharmony and how they had matched me up with a family member. (HA HA HA - seriously they did) A very wise woman suggested I try Plenty of Fish. (plentyoffish.com) so I did. I never went on there looking for someone to date. I was honestly only there to "hone" my dating skills. I'd never dated much. I really had no clue how to do it. I liked the safety of being able to be relatively annonymous and the thought of basically being able to start fresh and recreate myself. So I started chatting.

There were several guys that I talked to on a regular basis and I loved coming home to jump on the computer to see who had messaged me. WARNING ______there are some weirdos out there and you just have to weed through those. David's profile had caught my attention - I sent him a message that I liked his headline and the picture. Very witty, honest and the picture was him on his sailboat. I signed it as the street that I live on. He responded with his street name (3 miles away) and asked me to lunch for that weekend at a restaurant that's midway between us. I didn't hesitate (OMG!!! - That is so not me - I have to overthink every decision that I ever make). I went and here we are 4 months later. I have never been happier.

He didn't know me prior to surgery. He's always been stick thin so he really doesn't understand my "fat: thoughts and ramblings. I obviously don't see me the way he does - but that's okay because of it I'm having an easier time accepting the person that I'm becoming. We have a lot of the same interests so I'm not sure that we wouldn't have dated as a pre-op. I know taht I wasn't ready for a real relationship then. I held on to the "Arsehole" that I had been with because in my mind - better the devil you know than the devil you don't.

OK - so this is a topic I could talk about for days (obviously). PM me and we can talk some more. But I really want you to know that your fears and concerns are very, very normal. Take it slowly and know that there are others in your same situation.

- Iris

Hey girl... Dating after WLS, most definately!!!  I have had the most fun dating since my WLS.  I worried prior to WLS that I would change, and I liked who I was then other than the body I had.  Anyway, I did change... a LOT... But for the better everyone says.  My personality is pretty much the same, I'm outgoing, love to laugh and all that, but now I'm not as worried about what I look like.  I really didn't date much prior to my new life.  A date here, 2 dates there.. ya know.  Anyway, after I had my WLS I kinda went a bit nuts and dated like crazy, even joined a couple on-line dating groups (convinced by a friend of mine).  I had a blast!!!  If you do this, please oh please be careful... meet them in a very public place and... well we'll get into that later... lol! (911 dispatcher here)  Anyway, I'm now 6 1/2 years Post Op and engaged to a wonderful man.  I always just figured I was too stubborn and set in my ways to "Settle down", who would've believed it!  Anyway, I know you're thinking and worrying about a lot of things, but everything will work out just fine, just trust that it will and have a positive attitude!!!!  You'll do marvelous!

Have FUN!!!

Sherylr