Encouragement/Help Please ( a little long)
It's been a really long time since I posted. I've been really busy with work and home stuff, but mostly because things aren't going so well on the weight loss front and I'm embarrassed to have failed yet again. I had the Realize Band in June '08 and lost about 27 pounds really quickly. I did really well for about the first 4-6 months and then the things got crazy at work and my husband decided to go back to school and I hit a plateau with the weight loss. Well, of course, all this led to frustration and stress and for me that means food. In combination with not having a lot of time to workout, that led to about a 1 pound weight gain per month.
I've had several fills and am up to 7cc's. The last one (in December) lasted awhile and helped keep the monthly pound off, but now I have very little restriction. Luckily, I have an appointment with Dr. Mac at the end of the month. I really want to cancel it, though. I don't know if I can take the look of disappointment in his eyes when he sees I've gained yet again.
Money's been really tight since Jason went back to school which meant cutting out the expensive vitamins and protein for awhile, not to mention the dread of getting the bill for a fill. Fortunately, I'm back on track with the vitamins, calcium, and protein. I just need to get back to the gym. I'd love to go talk to the psych lady, but that's money I don't have right now. So I'm here venting to you guys...
I'm just so disappointed in myself. I've let myself down. I'm a pretty smart lady. I understand and I try to follow all the rules, but it's like I'm fighting against myself...setting myself up to fail. I did all the research and talked to people on OH. I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought...this isn't going to be so hard...just eat like they tell you...follow these specific guidelines and you'll be successful...so why am I having such a hard time? Not to mention the embarrassment I feel everytime I see someone who knows I had the surgery and I still have only lost a little weight (which I'm happy about -- down 2 sizes!). I know this is mostly my fault, but I've never been that great at dieting and this no restriction (meaning no help!) is frustrating.
So, after this long whine-fest, I could use some help, advice, and/or encouragement (please don't yell at me...I'm completely aware of my faults). Do have any little mind games that help you stick to the rules? Any tricks of the trade? What got you through when you had no restriction? What should I say to Dr. Mac on the 23rd? Thanks!
Amanda
PS - Sorry so long!
Amanda:
Just wanted to say that I am thinking about you. I am not a bandster but I am sure some of them will reply. It can be hard to stick to rules sometimes. I find myself struggling some with that too and I am 18 months out. Old habits die hard like they say. Just hang in there and definitely do not beat yourself up. Try to think I can do this and work a bit at at time to follow a rule. Take small steps so you don't overwhelm yourself. Just a suggestion. Hang in there. I know you will get better replies from the bandits on here!
Lisa
I'm not a bandster either but just wanted to offer you a ((HUG)) and a little advice. Go back and reread all the stuff they gave you from the information seminar, pre-op appointments and anything as a new post-op. It's amazing the amount of information that we thought we "learned" only to have no recollection of when we really need it.
Set some goals - get back to basics and Good Luck. We're here to help.
- Iris
Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.
Highest Surgery Lowest Current
314.5 294 208 258.4
Amanda, never be embarrassed. You have done well, this is a bump in the road.
Do NOT dodge the doctor. You need your fill. Your doctor needs to know how you are doing. He can't help, if he doesn't know you need help!
Tips to get through the tough times? Keep my hands busy. I can't put food in my mouth if my hands are doing other things. Also, my daughter paid $8500 for my surgery. She put a lot of faith in me. I can not let myself down (or her).
I have to admit I have not been to the gym since before Thanksgiving. I DO get on my elliptical 3 or 4 days a week, but not as long as I should. I weigh myself every morning. I don't worry about a 1 pound fluctuation, but. If my scales go up 2 pounds, I KNOW I have to be VERY careful about what I eat. I get myself back where I should be FAST!!! I have only lost 5 pounds since Christmas. But that is fine. I was very happy with where my weight was and didn't expect to lose any more.
As for the people who may not think you have 'lost enough'. Phooey on them!!! If you had NOT had WLS, how much weight would you have GAINED in 9 months?!?
My best advice. Take a deep breath, relax and start over. Rededicate yourself. Get your fill, and act as if you had just been banded! THIS WILL WORK!
Grammylew in Jax
I understand how you feel about your daughter. Eventhough, my husband and I paid for the surgery, I don't want to let him down or cause any resentment or disappointment because I'm not successful.
Congratulations on your success, by the way. People like you prove that it can be done successfully.
Thank you, again, for the encouragement.
Amanda
Amanda,
I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling, but I'm so glad you came back to talk about it. While I'm not a bandster either, I will tell you that once the RNY honeymoon period is over, we are on relatively even ground. That means that early on RNYer's have it 'easier' because the malabsorption effect turbocharges the weight loss, but once you get past that, we are pretty much on a level playing field.
You know in your 'head' that they operated on your gut and not your head, but I know that it's easier said than done to do the things we need to do to get this weight off and keep it off. I have a book and workbook called the Beck Diet Solution. I too cannot afford to see my psych. for counseling, but needed some help with the head work necessary to do what I need to do to take care of myself. It's supposed to be a 6 week program to help you learn to 'think thin.' It took me more than 8 months to get through it and to be honest, I have to revisit it often, but it's a help.
Please do go see your Dr. Believe me when I tell you that you will not be the first, nor the last, to have the issues you are dealing with. He can't help you if you don't go see him. You might ask him what the max fill you can have will be and how far you are from that. If you have 14cc band and you are at 7, what will it take to get you enough restriction to make it work for you?
I truly understand being overwhelmed and over-stressed. I'm suffering from those issues myself and to be honest, I'm not always making the 'right' choices either. As a matter of a fact, I've been making a lot of 'scary' choices and have put on some weight. So, please don't be embarrased. I honestly, think that this board is the last place you have worry about... We are here to support one another. We need you and you need us. So come on back ...regularly.
Barbara
ObesityHelp Coach and Support Group Leader
http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/bcumbo_group/
High-264, Current-148, Goal-145
Amanda,
One of the things that Dr. Beck really tries to drive home is that this is a process. It takes time to learn and incorporate new behaviors. Another thing that she pushes, is that just because we make a mistake, doesn't mean we have failed. We just need to acknowledge it and move on, trying to do better the next time.
I think you will find your groove and will do fine, just keep trying.
Barbara
ObesityHelp Coach and Support Group Leader
http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/bcumbo_group/
High-264, Current-148, Goal-145
