Personal ramblings, mostly on exercise
I think I forgot to share in my 2 month surgiversary post, my BMI now qualifies me as being just “obese!" And I’m also proud to say that by this time next week, I should weigh less than my hubby. THOSE, my friends, are two HUGE a milestones!
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my personal expectations regarding my WLS. There has been a lot of negative mental dialog going on in my head that I need to conquer. The past week or two I’ve been trying to get myself in a better frame of mind about it all.
One of the things I did was reset my ticker so it would portray my goal as being a loss of 65% of my excess body weight (instead of 100%). The number doesn’t look as daunting now and can be adjusted to more when/if the time comes. Reality tells me that I will be happy with 65% and will look damn good too. Hehehe Losing “slowly,“ my body is coping with the weight loss really well thus far and I know I will be more likely to keep it off this way.
That’s another thing I have had a tug-of-war with in my head. I still have a “diet" mentality…the same mentality that would enduce me to make drastic changes that I knew I couldn’t live with long-term, hence my yo-yo’ing for years! I’m doing great with my eating, supplementing, and pretty great with my hydrating. My biggest obstacle for me has been the exercise portion of things.
I now KNOW post-op that I cannot commit to a lifetime of being a gym rat like I thought I could. I started going to use the treadmill there for awhile and omg, the gym is my personal nightmare! Now throw the possible hernia in, just at the time I’d convinced myself I could lift a few weights at home…lol. So, I am trying to find my happy medium on this. PURPOSEFUL PLANNED EXERCISE makes me angry. I hate it. That’s my confession. However, if it just happens…I am happy.
For example, our daughter had pitcher/catcher practice this past Sunday in the little gym at her HS. I took that opportunity to power walk the big gym, even doing some interval jogging! It was so surreal being in there by myself (with hubby) with evidence all around of the basketball game the evening before. It felt great to do that for myself in that time and place! That was FUN!
Today our daughter has practice on the field and I’m really looking forward to going on a long trek with the lil’ man. We’ve been doing this a lot when she has outdoor practice. Hubby even said last night he may dip out of work early to come join us.
I purposefully park farther in the parking lots, I walk, walk, walk at the stores, finding that I take more steps than necessary instead of trying to take the least steps possible. Why it is that I don’t mind getting in activity like this, but that I hate to schedule time at the gym or lake on a regular basis, is beyond me!
I’m coming to realize that this is who I am and I can either embrace it and make the best of it, or I can just continue this struggle against myself, which has been miserable!
Do I make any sense at all????????
Oh Shauna I am sooooo with you on the exercise thing!!! I was walking the neighborhood the Saturday before the blood clot incident and did not mind that. But the thoughts of scheduling time for the gym just at this moment overwhelm me!
I too am battling some "demons" of self esteem and depression right now. I know the blood clots have set me back several weeks and dang it I am ready to feel good!!! My mind wants this but my body says WHOA!!!
I am so looking forward to our get together tomorrow. I left last time feeling great, motivated, and sure I was making the right decisions as well lots of helpful information. I hope I get that same feeling tomorrow and work on my negative nellie!!
Funny thing.... I decided to name my pouch! And he has taken on the persona of a male!!! His name is Oscar because he can be a grouch. Oscar the Grouchy Pouch tends to rear his ugly head on several specific food choices to which I know to leave alone.
At any rate, please know that I think of you often and admire you in so many ways!!! BTW--your hair looks great!!! And I can so tell you are losing weight in your pics! Keep up the good work and see you tomorrow!
If anyone speaks badly of you, live so that none believe it!
I named mine Oscar the Pouch too!!!!!!!!! How funny is that? Great minds do think alike afterall. He's been good lately (I must have locked the lid on his garbage can.)
Shauna - the exercise comments sound just like me. I was amazed when I asked for a gym membership for Christmas - not to mention the looks I got from my family - "Are you sure this is what you really want?" echoed on each one of them. Now that I have my membership I love it. My Aunt and I try and schedule 3 evenings a week but sometimes the spur of the moment trips there are even better. It helps that my gym is right behind Wal-Mart so everytime I go to Wal-Mart I feel guilty if I don't go to the gym (Me - gym - guilt???????????) So now I keep my gym bag packed and in my van so I can slip in there anytime.
At this point going to the gym has become my "me" time and I'm becoming fiercly protective over it. I can't wait to get off work so I can go tonight (Who am I? What happened to the old Iris - she liked to watch TV?)
WLS is an amazing transformation - inside and out.
- Iris
Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.
Highest Surgery Lowest Current
314.5 294 208 258.4
I used to LOVE to workout and keep active. I was so into dance, aerobics, bicycling, roller skating, etc., and even some body-building in the 80's. I was addicted to Olivia Newton John -- Flash Dance, Footloose, Dirty Dancing -- leg warmers, head bands -- the whole nine yards. (Hilarious mental image!) Truth is, you couldn't keep me still.
So where did that part of me go? I know it left with the pregnancies, bedrest, obesity, depression, etc...which became a viscious cycle that had a snowball effect. And even though the weight is coming off, I just don't feel that overly-active part of me coming back...yet!
The second viable answer is - I'm a teenager again. I've been given this incredible second chance at life and somehow I've decided that it needs to restart itself during my teens. This answer would explain my energy, my obsession with clothes, hair and makeup and BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well one man in particular but you get the point. I feel like I'm 18 all over again. Sitting home is boring - it's what old folks do. I'm going out (alot). Just this time around I'm making much wiser decisions (no drinking or drugs).
I can hardly wait to jump out of bed mornings and see what each day holds. I'm fascinated by life.
- Iris
Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.
Highest Surgery Lowest Current
314.5 294 208 258.4
Sweetie, my heart goes out to you regarding the depression and self esteem issues. It honestly took me right up until the 6 week point after my surgery to come out of my funk. I felt horrible. I was emotional, depressed, sickly, just miserable. I really didn't know if I could go on as an RNY'er! I just wanted to feel good...happy...normal. My mind would tell me that this would all come in good time but my emotions were all over the place! Does this sound familiar?!
Let me just tell you...you are gorgeous...and I mean it. You always have yourself so put together...your hair, your makeup, your clothes...you always smell so good. Even my hubby says, "Wow, she is really pretty!" JUST AS YOU WERE! Now here you are on an adventure to be a slimmer version of that gorgeous self of yours!
Have you ever posted your story on here about your blood clot scare? If and when you feel up to it, I know we would all like to read about what happened. I'm so sorry you went through all of that and I am sure it did set you back. When the emotions settle down and you get further along with your healing, you will feel so much better, I promise you that! Barb, Darcie, and many others promised me the same thing...and they were right!
I'm with you on the grouchy pouch thing. I have a grouchy esophagus too! Again, this has gotten better with time. I'm just looking forward to the day it's ALL better.
The meetup was such a breath of fresh air for me last month post-op, I know it will be for you as well so I'm really glad you plan on being there. I'll look forward to seeing you!
Secondly to exercise regularly was a dirty word for me for a long time mostly because when you have extra weight to carry around for some it is impossible.
Fast forward to now I feel damed good when I work out I like to invision my body as one big muscle and knowing that I find my body craves working out.
I love the fact I can walk now without a cane and can walk without my legs rubbing together and taking longer strides.
These ar small changes for me but so worth it.
I still am not a fast walker but just to move is a wonderful thing.
I could never do any of what I do without my music.
My little workout room is my little space and it brings me peace and solatude when I am in there.
I think I do some of my best soul searching in my room.
I think you are doing great and also feel in time you will find your body will want more and more.
It has taken me several months of getting up to 60 minutes on the treadmill and 30 on the elliptical.
I just stayed with it and will continue to stay with it especially with my speed and distance.
Annie
I wish I knew why working out makes me not feel happy. You'd think I would love the endorphins! I wonder if there is a medical explanation? Hmmm...
Hubby has commented what a terrible time he has keeping up with me again because I love to walk at a very fast pace and that is what comes natural to me. Even my power-walk pace at the gym Sunday was more like a jog/run for him to keep up! lol
It feels so good to have the debilitating sciatica behind me...what a huge difference in going from excruciating pain while walking to actually enjoying it. You know what I'm talking about!
Perhaps one of these days we will be able to invest in some cardio equipment for here at home and I will get an MP3 as well. I know I would love listening to tunes while walking...can we say Cat Stevens?! lol
I do worry about bone/muscle loss and that is the biggest reason I'd been telling myself I need to weight-train, even if it's just a couple times a week at home. Now with the worry about the possible hernia, I'll have to wait on that.
My plan is to keep taking advantage of walking as much as possible, like the trek I have planned for this afternoon, and quit putting such a mental/emotion burden on myself about the whole thing. I'm an all-or-nothing kind of girl who likes nothing less than perfection...but like I've been saying, there has to be a happy medium sometimes!
One of my favorite things used to be wearing my dad's, then my husband's, shirts. You know...when they are all big 'n cuddly 'n smell like them? Well, they haven't been big 'n cuddly for a LONG time! Skin tight more like it! lol
Hopefully before long, hubby's shirts will be back to big 'n cuddly so I can enjoy that feeling once again. And ohhh...his big winter sweaters! To curl up in one of those with a cup of SF hot cocoa on a cold winter's day...I can hardly wait!
We WILL get there!
