Very personal question (you've been warned!)

Hey everyone.  I have a very personal question ~ does anybody (besides me) have trouble in the sexual department?  To be more specific, I find that now that I have bones that I can actually feel, it is sometimes very uncomfortable having sex.  In fact, sometimes it is so uncomfortable that I actually dread it.  We have tried various positions but most of the time I am still so uncomfortable that I'd just rather not even do it.  And that makes me very sad.  So I was just wondering if I am weird or if anybody else has experienced anything like this? 


(I cannot believe that I am actually posting this!) 

OMG - I was just thinking that I might have something to look forward to only to find out I may not enjoy it anymore?????????WTF??????? At least in my case I really think I've forgotten how.

I see how many hits your post has gotten - I can't believe these folks don't have any suggestions or comments about it. Come on girls - what's the real deal on this?

- Iris

I hate to see you stick your neck out like this and then no one post a reply!  So I'll try to say a little something, even though I haven't even had a DS yet.  And none of my bones stick out anywhere.  We are assuming here that I do have bones.

I wonder if it could be possible you're not used to your new body yet, and it embarrasses you?  People talk about all the hanging flesh they have.  Does that bother you?  Are you "uncomfortable in your own skin?"  Or are you really in pain?  Can you use some soft pillows to pad the places that the bones get pushed into you?

Well, I'm probably not any help.  But I hope you can get some help. 

Nancy S.

First of all, thank you for asking!!! I am trying to learn as much as possible!!!

Can I answer your question by asking another personal question????? Is the pain associated with a "lack of padding" that you have become use to??? LIke your buffer is missing??

I went from no sex to craving sex with my husband.  I would refuse him because I didn't like myself.  To me it was like a tic-tac in a whale.  There was nothing good about it.  After WLS, the smaller I get, the bigger he is. LOL!  I think the more weight you lose, the more enjoyment you will get out of it.

OK, well, here goes.  Yes, sometimes the discomfort with contact can be um . . .distracting..  In particular, there are trigger points (the same places that are used as pressure point therapy, kinda like accupuncture).  Do some research and see if you can find out ways to help your muscles relax thru trigger point that will eliminate some of the pain.  You may also want to investigate getting a massage (or two or three) to help your muscles relax and get some of the lactic acid released.  And you may want to see if your sweetie will indulge you in a massage, it can help a LOT!
A related issue, with the loss in weight, internal angles of contact are different, too.  Sometimes that's good, really really good.  And sometimes, not so much.  In blunt terms, penetration is significantly deeper.  I relate it to a bolt (oops,almost said screw) and associated washers.  The more washers there are, the less deep the bolt can go through the hole.  And it can make a huge difference.
Finally, places of stimulation that used to be wonderful can now be not so interesting.  Makes me wonder if the surgery interfered with nerves!   (Just kidding, I know it didn't, but geez louise!)  And I mean not just in the pelvic region, but above the waist too!   I have no clue why.  But taking care of business on an individual level just isn't the same, either.  Weird, huh?
I figure that I just need to experiment to find new possibilities.
A final thought.  As we lose, I believe our fat releases hormones.  That can make a difference, too.  And, as we lose, we are also getting older.  So some of this may also be a matter of natural changes that simply coincide with the weight loss.
Hope this helps some.  I know, way more than you wanted!
Hang in there and treat this as a time to experiment and learn some!
hugs,
Robin

 

Ok well... Maybe here's some hope...  yikes!   I had a problem when I got down to "normal" weight and my bones stuck out everywhere...  I kept on and was vigilant in finding a comfortable position because I was NOT going to go without...  Anyway, I don't know if I just got used to it or if my body readjusted again since it did tend to do that.  But now things are just fine and no position is uncomfortable...    I would suggest to just keep trying different ways and hopefully you'll have a similar situation as I had and things will just work themselves out. 

Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry you're having pain.  :(  That sucks.  I don't really have any advice for you (it sounds like you've gotten a few good suggestions above.)  I just wanted to post a different point of few for those pre-ops or early on.  I've experienced the opposite.  Each change has been exciting, and DH has pointed them out from time to time too.  Hey, there's a new bone here!  :)  If I did experiece any pain, it would have strictly been a "positional" type thing, and changing position would usually help.

Hang in there and keep trying new things, I hope you find something that works for you, because this should be an exciting part of the new you!

This may sound stupid, but it is uncomfortable for me now....I'm much smaller and not as much fat to cushion all of his weight.  I realized that HIS 250 lbs. is a lot to lay on my smaller body.  Time to get creative!!!