Been awhile

It's been awhile since I posted anything. I have been struggling with some things. I still have an ulcer altho after the last endoscopy on Sept.19th they said it looked better and probably in 6 months it will be gone completely. I was told that I will more than likely take Nexium for the rest of my life. I don't like the idea of taking something forever but I like the idea of the pain even less. I have lost 113 lbs since surgery and 147 since my highest. I have a hard time with this. I know that a 100lbs is great but the first 5 months the lbs seemed to fly away. Now I almost have to will them away. The scale is my worst enemy. It moves so slow. I have met my husband ,not below him yet. And that was a goal of mine but of course he decided he needed to lose weight and now I sturggle emotionally and physically to stay near his weight. I can now wear a size 18 shirt and I am wearing 22/24 pants. I sturggle with that also. The way I see me is way smaller on top and still a big fat a** on the bottom. I struggle with self image problems.  always have and probably always will. I hope that one day I will see myself as a normal person. One of the wows that came and went was also that I am just obese now. No morbid not super morbid. I am sure my ins company appreciates that. Anyways I posted some newpics on my profile and just wanted to say that even tho I don't post all the time I still read daily .  And I wish all of you contiued sucess on your journies.


Melissa

Melissa,

I just looked at your new photos and you are beautiful!  I would love to be so tall and you look plum skinny in your side view pic... Congratulations!

I have wondered (as many others have, too) if I will see myself as normal some day.  I look at myself now and still see a lot of fat - I have only lost 46 pounds - so sure there is a lot left to lose.  I could be writing yor post, and I feel your pain.  But I think that there is a lot of emotional *stuff* that we have to deal with.  I am not sure how to deal with it though.... I did try on a pair of uniform pants that were so miserable on me in June, and are big on me now so that is a way to gauge how things are going...

Glad to hear the ulcer is better.  None of us wants to take meds forever, but in order not to hurt it is a part of life.  And if it were diabetic meds, etc. then that is the way it would be - for life....

You have done so well and you will continue to make progress - unfornately we all want things done fast... instant gratification! 

Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.

Shelia

Thanks Shelia for your encouraging words. It does the soul good to know that you aren't rowing the boat alone. I know in my head that it wont come of instantly (as my mom keeps telling me"you didn't gain it all overnite")But it is hard to adjust mentally after watching it just fall off so wuickly and easily. Anyways thanks again. And being tall aint all its cracked up to be...most pants are capris on me wether they are supposed to be or not . and I never know what is rottening in the bottom of the fridge with out getting on my knees in the floor!!!! LOL



Thanks again
Melissa

Melissa,

Honnnn, you are doing a fabulous job! You have made an incredible amount of progress and I'm here to tell you that it isn't over! You just keep doing what you are doing ... while the loss absolutely does start slowing when you reach this stage of the journey ... and I too was worried that this was it and wasn't ready to be done ... you need to know that you are not done. Your body can't possibly keep up the losses it's been sustaining at the rates it's been going so it's normal for it to slow down. But you are not done! If you haven't logged onto www.thinnerself.com, go do it. I'll bet you'll feel better when you see that you are actually doing very well.

Now, about self image ... This is such a tough one. By anyone's standard, I'm slender, I'm a little person now, but I have to tell you that sometimes I still see a pudge. I think that when we have been big for such a long time, it's hard to reprogram our heads to see the new reality. I was fat for more than 40 years and I've only been 'normal' sized for a few months. I think that you are going to find that it takes time to reconsile the reality of what you look like now with what your head tells you. I had some formal portraits taken and it was a big help. I need to do that again because I don't have any of me now, the last ones I have I was about 25 to 30 lbs heavier. I had someone tell me that I needed to put together a self-esteem file so that I could 'see' myself as others do. I think that maybe we need to do that re: what we look like. We have trouble seeing ourselves as others do. I have to tell you that when I look at your photos I see a relatively normal woman that is beautiful. I don't see a fat a$$ anywhere.

I'm glad that you posted ... I'm sorry that you are struggling.

I look forward to actually meeting you sometime.

All the best and continued success,

Barb

Thanks for your kind words Barb. Youhave been a big inspiration to me as I have traveled down this road. I have been logging my measurements at thinnerself and I know that the numbers are getting smaller but I guess just like with everything I want it right now. One day i hope to overcome that need and set an example for my kids. It is so hard tho to believe in that saying "Good things come to those who wait" it is just easier said than done. But it is good to know that others have felt the same way I am and helps to know it aint over.

Thanks again
Melissa

Melissa,

Thank you for your own kind words. I am glad that I'm able to help and support you as you and others have done for me ... what do they say? What goes around, comes around. I truly do recall the frustration and to be honest, fear that I wasn't doing this right and that it was going to end before I was able to be 'successful.' Remember that you have made incredible strides and have come a long way, but you still have a long way to go before you are 'done.'

Take care,

Barb

Hey Melissa:

I had my surgery about a week before you and i have lost 106 since my preop diet.   Like you the scale moves like a snail now.   I lost about a 1 lb a week (if that for the previous 4 weeks) and then whammo, i lost 4 lbs this week.   I have found that if i don't eat enough protein and drink enough water, i don't lose as fast.   Exercise is also key and i try to walk a few miles a day (notice the word "try").   Keep up the good work and the rest will come off.   You look really great and your a** does not look that big.   Just look at where you have come from!!

Take care, Pam

Hey Pam,
Yeah I know we are close in weight and dates. I always look for your posts to see how you are doing. this slow moving is just such a let  down after the weight seem to come off so fast. I am setting a goal for Christmas of 250. I hope that isnt to lofty of a goal but that is 13 weeks away and 32lbs. Averages out to about 2.5 lbs a week from now until then. Ifigure if I set my goals low Iwill be happier when I surpass them. You are doing great too. I cant wait to see a new pic from ya bet ya look like a whole new person!


Thanks again
Melissa

That seems to be a very big goal.  I know for the first 6 months, i avg 2.5 lbs per week.  That has slowed down to 7 or 8 no matter how little i eat or how much i exercise.   Don't get down on yourself if it doesn't happen as quickly as you would like.  Just remember, we are headed in the right direction and that is what counts the most.    I got a new hairdo with it spiked and highlighted to go along with my new look.   Having someone checking the settings on my camera and then will get some new pics posted.   You take care and remember, don't be hard on yourself.   This coming from Ms. impatient.   lol.

Take care, Pam

OMG - you look fantastic. I could tell just seeing the new avie. From what I'm hearing it really takes awhile for the brain to catch up with the rest of the body. You are doing WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know you don't like the idea of having to take the Nexium forever but all things considered it's certainly the lesser of the two evils. Plus not being in pain is really the big pay off.

- Iris