Starting to SERIOUSLY question what I am about to do...(long)

Shauna,
you put so elegantly into words what I fumbled through earlier. I can't even begin to tell you how thankful I am that there are people to turn to *****ally understand. It is really the What-ifs that are bothering me today.

Thank you for your comforting words, and the PM- Strange enough, I feel better reading all these great posts.

Thank you Shauna!!!

First of all, you are not whining; you are expressing very valid concerns and fears. To be honest, if you didn't I'd really be concerned. I believe those who don't look at the whole picture are most likely to be part of the percentage that this doesn't work for. When I started my journey I remember going to a support group meeting at UNC Chapel Hill. There was a woman there that came to warn us off of the surgery becuase she had only lost about 40 lbs since her sruger some 4 months earlier. As she continued to talk, she confessed that she was eating Hardies Sausage Biscuits for breakfast and shakes on the way home. She was drinking soda regularly. She was doing all of that and she STILL lost 40 lbs. I thought if she can do EVERYTHING she isn't supposed to do and lose weight, just imagine what I can do if I really work at it. I haven't talked to or seen her since then. Do I think that she lost all of the weight she had the potential to lose? Probably not, if she didn't drastically change her behavior. Do I think that she's likely to maintain whatever loss she's able to achieve in the 5 to 10 year range? No, not likely.

Statistically speaking, 10 years postop 80 percent of WLS surgery patients will have maintained at least 90 percent of the excess weight that they lost after surgery. That is a phenominal success. Sooooo, you ask "What about the other 20 percent?" Well, about 10 percent will probably be like the lady that I met and may never lose at least 60 percent of their excess weight and even more distressing, they will likely work around the tool they fought so hard to attain and will gain back every single pound that they lost. This is not common, but it does happen. Another 10 percent will find themselves in the boat that Carnie Wilson found herself in; while they will regain to point that they no longer have at least a 60 percent loss of their original excess weight, they will not regain all of their excess weight. And many, like Carnie, will get back in the saddle and use that tool to drop down to 'successful' excess weight loss again.

If you are not willing to put the work into making the behavior changes so necessary to longterm success, this may not be for you... Please don't hear me being harsh. I have to say that I seriously questioned my own ability to make the necessary changes. I thought OMG, if I could do that I wouldn't need to do this. What if I have the surgery and can't or won't make the changes I need to make? While I have to say that I'm still a 'work in progress,' I also must say that I don't believe that I could have taken off all of the weight and made the changes I've made without the surgery. I have made enormous changes in my attitudes towards food and what it does for me and to me. I am journaling what I eat and I get my sweet little 'arse' on that scale every day. I don't want to 'hide' from what I'm doing to and for myself. These things help me stay accountable to myself. I still worry about whether I can do what I need to do to take care of myself in the long term. I spent more than 40 years fat and I've only been a normal size for less than a year. I wouldn't consider myself a 'success' yet or an expert, but I'm learning ... one day at a time.

Sorry for the long-winded answer ... I hope it made some sense.

I wish you all the best as you consider your options.

Barb

P.S. Re: Behavior Modification. I have a great book and accompanying workbook by Dr. Judith Beck called the Beck Diet Solution. It's not a diet, but rather a was of learning to 'think thin.' I've had mine for more than 6 months and am continuing to work through it. I've found it to be an invaluable tool. You can get it on Amazon or at Barnes & Noble, or some of other major booksellers. Be sure to get both the workbook and the book if you decide to get it ... B

Barb-

That was not harsh at all- just honesty and I appreciate that more than kid-gloves. You guys are all I have for real, honest , knowledgeable support! And it is comforting to hear from the "other side"

The behavior modification is going to be my biggest test- But- I have decided to see  therapist who specializes in this (starting next week!!) so I can  get a head start on what I have to work on. I figured it will help me better prepare, so I am not that 10-20%.

THANK YOU BARB!!!

To everyone, feeling a little better already...

You are most welcome and I think seeing a counselor is a great idea. I did so myself and will again if I feel like I'm sliding into dangerous territory. I have to say that from the way you are approaching this, I don't think that you are likely to find yourself among the 10 to 20 percent that fail due to behavior issues. Just stay with it. Go see the counselor. Come here. Go to support group meetings ... as many as you can muster.

I truly have faith that you have what it takes to make the changes necessary to make this work in long run. The very fact that you are concerned about your long term behavior is very important. Those who think that the surgery is a quick fix and don't have to make changes are the people that I really worry about ... and I don't see that with you.

Barb

That means alot, and is most reassuring.... You guys are amazing. Thank you....

sorry I can't spell....LOL!

It is all up to you.....whether you have wls and if you are successful.  Do all your research and know all the possibilities. Check on the success rate and complications of your surgeon. I don't know if I am a success to others all that matters is I feel it works for me. I try hard to follow the rules and doing so ....so far I have had no complications. What have you learned on the boards overall. Also just hearing rants and raves indicates unhappy people. There are complications which occur to some, but so much good comes from this surgery.  I fit in booths, can tie my shoes, can walk fast forever, not be ashamed to bre, seen,  buy clothes in stores  and there is sooooo much more.  I am very happy that I had wls  giving up sugar, fat and massive quantities of food is just fine.  Taking vitamins is nooooo problem...suplimenting protein is easy. But you have to decide if these things and these risk are ok for you. Good Luck in your decision..... what ever it is.  You have plenty of support on this site and we are all truthful and heartfelt. I hope it all works out very well for you.
Myrtis

Well Im going to say thank you also....Im feeling the same way..
Thank you all for being such a GREAT support system...it helps soooo much..
I never thought I would be talking to ppl about my weight!!  let alone post it on a board!!!   LOL
But you can relate to EVERYTHING!!!

MY weight has been a big issue with me & my  husband..(don't get me wrong..Im doing this for ME first) My weight started climbing when he took a job that travels...so over 10 yrs I gained 100 lbs. so u can only imagine, every time he comes home (once every 3 or 4 months) I am bigger each time  .This has put some distance between us..he trys hard not to hurt my feelings, but he can't get used to seeing my big.
on the other hand...I don't want him to "See" me big..
soooooo Im looking forward to having another chance at life & marriage..does that make sense?

Hey Kim,

I sometimes feel the same way you do.  I'm just getting started.  I've got my preop appointments lined up and 99% of the time I know I am doing the right thing.  However, this weekend I was looking at the rants and raves and thought exactly the same thing you did.  What if I'm just trading complications?  I'm glad you brought this up.  I have diabetes and htn.  My surgeon's PA has told me that I will leave the hospital with "0" diabetes medicine after the surgery.  So just for that one reason I am doing the right thing.  Then with such guilt I think about "why can't I lose the weight now without having the surgery, especially since I have the diabetes diagnosis?"  I try so hard to not eat carbs, but I do it anyway.  What's going to keep me from eating the carbs after I have my surgery?  I've been told by some who have had the surgery, that somehow between your stomach and your brain you just really don't want to eat like that again.  I hope I make since. 

I went to the support meeting in Raleigh Saturday and it was great.  Everybody was so positive.  I think there was only one person there with complications. 

I am willing to do what needs to be done to make this a success, but I will do it with education and asking lots of questions!!!!

Thanks
Deborah

It is so comforting to know I am not alone....

(able to breath normally again!)