I'm still having trouble trusting my weight loss

I brought my daughter to NY for a follow-up appointment with her surgeon. Great news there! Even after a bad fall because the other leg failed, which caused a great deal of soreness and swelling in the leg that was operated on, she is doing just wonderfully!

After Sarah's appointment we set off to do some back to school shopping for her and I decided to get a few things for myself. While shopping I was very aware of the fit of things and found that I was buying things a little on the 'big' side, so that when I gain weight, they will still fit. There is this part of me that is absolutely convinced that I will experience some regain of 7 to 15 lbs. I 'can' wear a size 4 or 6 in most of my slacks, but I bought size 6 and 8's because I don't know/believe that I'll be able wear them in few months. They are okay now, but a little loose. I figure if I gain some back, they'll be okay and/or a little bit tight. The clothes I bought will probably sustain that regain, if it happens...

I know that I've been concerned about continued weight loss that was occuring last month and that has stopped, but my the things and amount I've been eating to get my weight loss to stop makes me more than just a little bit nervous. I eat everything and anything. I've been trying to gain and pulled out all the stops to stop the weight loss that was occuring last month... and it's worked, but it also scares me and I'm afraid that I'll start gaining uncontrollably, like all of the times in the past.

I haven't been journaling my food like I had before, so I've decided to try doing that again and Sarah and I will see about going to the gym after I pick her up from school. I'm hoping that these actions will help me maintain the bulk, if not all of my weight loss.

You will be ok Barb. I know it's scary, I am petrified of gaining weight and not being able to keep it off after I do reach goal. Trust yourself and what you have learned over the year or so you have been working your pouch. Check the scale and monitor yourself from there. We shouldn't have to watch ourselves so strictly as long as we are doing what we need to get us where we need to be. It's that little thought that keeps seeping in from all the times we have failed before, only this time we have a great new tool to help us.

((((((HUGS))))))))

Thanks Blondie!

Most of me knows you are right and I know that I would say exactly the same thing to you. I need to trust that I have learned a great deal and now have tools at my disposal that I never had before, but I can tell that it's going to take a long time to develop a sense of trust in myself ... I guess I shouldn't be surprised since I spent most years of my life not caring well for myself, in large part because I couldn't and in some part because I wouldn't. I need to trust that I can and will.

Thanks for the support ... now and always.

Barb

Hey Barb:

My surgeon said it right on....you can eat what you want as long it is in moderation.   I would jus****ch portion control so we don't stretch out our pouch and make sure you keep up the exercise and you will be just fine.

Love ya,

Pam

Hey Pam,

My understanding from the experts at the program at Duke is that they have done a lot of studies and the good news that the pouch doesn't stretch. When we are early in the process, there is a lot of swelling which accounts for our inability to consume as much as we do when we are farther out, but when they do tests to 'measure' the capacity of the pouches months and years post op, they don't change in size. That's great news! They said that the way people gain, is that they quit following the 'rules of the pouch,' meaning that they consume slider foods, crunchy foods, things that are calorie dense, that they don't 'load' the pouch with dense protien first and abstain from drinking 30 minutes before, during or after a meal so that they can consume more. I think what makes me nervous is that in order to get in enough to keep my weight from dropping, I've had to 'break the rules' and I'm worried about the longterm impacts of that. What I'm trying to do is be cognizant of what I'm doing and the impact that behavior is having on my weight. I think if I keep a pulse on things and make adjustments as changes occur, I'll be okay. It's just that since I didn't do a good job of taking care of me before, I'm afraid I might fall back into old, distructive patterns. I've seen them ... the distructive patterns ... poking their ugly little heads out here and there and I find it un-nerving to say the least.

Thanks for your condfidence and support.

All the best,

Barb