OT This morning started off with a BANG!

This morning literally started off with a BANG as my mother-in-law, who suffered a series of massive strokes 20 years ago when she was my age slid off of the bed and hit the floor. My mother-in-law, Margie, has very little strength or control over her right side so she is unable to get herself off of the floor. My father-in-law and I were able to get her upright, but thank goodness my son is staying with them, ... and it's just because of this kind of thing ... because he needed to do a 'dead man's' lift to pick up my mother-in-law who is about 5'7" and weight over 200#. I'm going to look into a lift for my MIL, because Mike will surely hurt himself and this isn't the first time this has happened. Of course, there is no way that my FIL could possilbly pick her up off of the floor. It is becoming clear that they probably only have a couple more years of independent living left. I'm not sure just whe athe future holds. My FIL, Dale, has been Margie's primary caregiver since she had her strokes 20 years ago, but she's had more falls in the past couple of years and he's in his mid 70's with knee, hip, back and cardiac issues. It may mean that Ben and I will move back to CA to live with and care for his parents. While I would love to be back here closer to my sons and the rest of my family, this is not the way I wanted to come home. I'm just not sure what the future holds for them and/or us.

 

Good Morning,

I read what you wrote regarding your inlaws.  I know it's hard to deal with these issues.  I manage an Assisted Living and also and Independent Senior Retirement Community.  I know our parents would prefer to stay in their on home and that's all fine and good.  But, most of the time the problem with that is it leaves the care givers having to deal with trying to schedule someone to tend to the parents eiher full time or part time.  Unfortunately there is always guilt when having to take care of this.  I tell our resident's family members that their parents need quality time with them.  Let us do the things of everyday life with them and the familys can come in and share quality time with them. It also continues to allow them independence that they deserve and want. 

I understand what you and your family are going through and the decisions you have to make.  Good luck with everything and I pray things will turn out well for you.

Your encouragement is wonderful.

Thanks
Deb

Hi Deb,

I'm not sure what the answer is going to be yet. My in-laws have lived in the same home for over 50 years. One of my sons lives with them now and is able to help them stay somewhat independent, but their needs may surpass his ability to help/support them. We might be able to move back and live with them and care for them, but I'm not sure. I doubt that they will be willing to consider an Independent Retirement Community for a variety of reasons. One of which is that my mother-in-law requires 24/7 custodial care and many of the local facilities won't entertain her. Also, the cost in the bay area is beyond belief.

Thanks for your kindness,

Barb

Your playing my tune Barb,
You know I have been dealing with similar things with my mother.
Friday after work I went by to see how things were going.
Mother was scared to death of the lift and so afraid of falling out of it.
Her care providers kept working with her and last report she was doing much better in the lift.
I am avoiding calling her till later today.
We are renting the lift through a medical supply store on a month to month bases.
From my understanding there are two kinds of lifts hydrolic and electric.
Also if you can get a doctor to write a perscription medicare will cover the cost.
I feel to understand all the ins and out of medicare you need a degree.
One more thing if you get a lift you will need a hospital bed.
If you need any advise or help feel free to call.
I have completed my workout and running around so I am going to be gaming the rest of the day.
                              Annie
I

Hi Annie,

Thanks for the commiseration and understanding. I'm not sure if we will get a lift yet or not. I'm not ready to put her and my father-in-law into a hospital bed and right now, I don't think that they make hospital bed for 2... so that will be an absolute last resort. We are getting a bath lift for my MIL ... we are remodeling the bathroom to allow her to have a tub bath and the lift will lower her into it and bring her back up safely. I may be able to use it to help get her off of the floor if/when it happens again.

Margie had her strokes over 20 years ago and of course, we've had years of dealing with Medicare with her, my father-in-law, my mother and so on... As you say, navigating Medicare nearly requires a law degree, quickly followed medical degree.

Have a good day and I wish you all the best with your mom.

Barb

Hi Barb,
All my work and effort to get this lift is doing what it is suposse to do mainly by helping the care providers.
I talked to mother an hour ago and she semed more comfortable with the lift.
I am sooo relived.
The hospital bed allows the base of the lift to fit under the bed and of course the bed can be raised and lowered.
When they we preparing for the bed and lift on Friday mother was crying because they were taking her bed down.
It has been sch a stressful time for her as well as me.
                                           Annie

Hi Annie,

I know that these transitions are very hard for all involved. It's so hard for our parents to recognize the need for the changes and the loss of independence that they represent. I also know how hard it is for us as their loving care givers to see their decline.

Keep doing the best you can ... it is appreciated ... more than you will ever know.

Love,

Barb

Wow Barb, I bet your Mother-in-law's fall was pretty scary.  I'm sorry that your family is having to go through this, I'm sure the struggle will get more difficult as time goes on.  Good luck as you and Ben decide whether it's time to move back.  But let me just put a selfish note in:  I don't want you to go!!!

Thanks Deb,

I don't think we'll be moving back soon, but it's hard to tell. I'm torn. This isn't the first fall and I'm sure it won't be the last. I just hope she doesn't get hurt really badly.

Barb