Today's Blog - Confession

I have a confession to make.  I have been struggling with the idea to have WLS.  

I am not afraid of the surgery, not afraid of what will come after the surgery, and I am fairly sure that it would help me shed the weight once and for all.  What I am apprehensive about is admitting that *I can't do it on my own!*

Conversations with a couple of my OH friends yesterday, and my weigh-in today, helped put things into perspective.  I am ever thankful! 

A couple of the many things that really stuck with me during yesterday's conversations with friends were:
 
1.  WLS is the only way to lose the weight that has an 80% success rate at 10 years out. - Barbara C.
2.  You've heard before how hard it is to lose weight as you get older. - Nancy S.

(I hope they don't mind my giving credit where credit is due!) 

This morning I weighed +0.8 lbs. more than last week.  I am still counting calories and journaling.  I've lost 3 lbs. in 3 weeks whereas I should have lost at least double that based on the numbers.  I'm going to keep on keeping on, but it's smacking me upside the head again about how much my body does not like to budge much anymore!

Today I have clarity and, again, I am so thankful.  I'm not going to say that doubts won't still creep in, but in this moment I KNOW with all my heart and soul that WLS is my one and only hope.  I'm still going to continue working on fully understanding and embracing that simple fact 100% of the time. 

Unfortunately, I had to delete this message due to privacy concerns.

Shelli,  Then I won't be surprised if that is what I have to do...just JUMP!  (Good analogy!)  I know I have plenty of people to catch me.  I honestly could not ask for more support. 

When the "can I really not do it without surgery?" thoughts creep in, I have GOT to keep the peer-reviewed, scientific research facts you mentioned first and foremost in my analytical mind.  How can I argue with almost guaranteed surgical success when I've failed more than 3 dozen times on my own?! 

Thank you for your lovely thoughts!  Mine are with you as well!

I don't know of any one that hasn't had second thoughts. It is a decision that is going to effect the rest of your life. I just had mine done last week and absolutely not one regret so far. Someone ask me the other day what the life expectance would be afterwards and that kinda shocked me and made me think. What was it without the surgery??? I expect this had added years and years to my life and health. I am off all medications now except 5 mg.  of Blood Pressure pill. I was on 75 mg. daily. The side effects of meds are so bad.

Do lots and lots of reading. I tried for years to loose it on my on. Like most I would loose 20 then gain 30.

Even going to the operating room I was still questioning myself even though I was 99.9 percent sure I was doing the right thing for me. The Anestisologist told me a few days before me he put the IV in and was ready to put this guy under and he said take the needle out and walked out of the OR. This is all about YOU and no one else. For me I know I am getting my life back and full throttle forward now. My husband said the other day " I feel so bad for what you are having to go threw". I said "You should feel bad for me for what I did over the past 20 years not now, I am getting healthy finally"!!!! 

Good luck with your decision. I would only say don't rush into it.

I was so glad to read your post on how well things are going for you.  You are so right about the life expectancy thing.  I have been waiting for the obesity-related health issues to bite me, but I've been lucky so far.  That's one of the reasons I want to have the surgery now, so I *hopefully* won't have to deal with diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, etc. 

I have done so much reading and research, I haven't come across any new info regarding RNY in quite some time.  I feel I am well-equipped knowledge-wise.  About 5 years ago, I looked into WLS minutely and saw that it just wasn't for me.  I was a homeschool mom with children ages 3, 10, 14, 15, and I was just so afraid to put, what I thought was, my life at risk to have the surgery.  Now I realize, it isn't near the risk now that I thought it was then and I want to live a long life with the kids as their Mom and their future children's Nana! 

Wow about the guy that walked out of the OR.  LOVED your comment to your hubby!  I do feel bad for myself and live with regret over having lost the past 20 years of my life.  I am ready to get on with things and start living...finally!  I really don't think that's possible without surgery.  Now to put those occasional doubts to rest. 

You've come to the right place with this confession. I honestly don't think there's ever been a single person who hasn't questioned having WLS. We come here to learn - educating ourselves as best we can. But we also come here trying to figure out if this is what we really want. The support of the members is an amazing thing because I've seen it go both ways with folks trying to make a decision. Look at your pros and cons - logically. Take full advantage of the emotional / psychological services in pre-op testing to determine just how ready for this you are. How committed are you to the post-op lifestyle. Get it out of your head that this is the easy way out. It's farthest thing from the easy was that there is.

I know that a lot of say our only regret is not having done it sooner. And I agree with that but at the same time - I wasn't ready for this emotionally any sooner. I also don't think I would have been as honest with myself about it and committed to the post-op life as I will be now. It would have been to easy to say to myself that all other diets have failed and this will too. Because I always saw myself in some light as a failure.

Now that I've stepped up to the plate and fully committed to taking charge of my life (in all aspects - physical, spiritual, emotional) I feel like I AM SOMEBODY. 

Sorry if I veered off track but your post really was just what I needed. Have a great day - make it GREAT.

- Iris

Iris,  Barbara urged me to share my feelings with all of you friends here on the NC forum.  I am really glad I did! 

I actually have a document here on my computer entitled, "WLS Pros and Cons," where I have gone forwards and backwards over how I feel personally about my potential to conquer my weight issue with and without surgery.  Heck, I am Mrs. ANALytical...I can't think any other way.  Although you can throw a big, mush, gushy heart filled with emotion in there too.   

I definitely plan on taking full advantage of the counselor next Thursday!  I do not doubt for one minute that I am absolutely ready to commit to the post-op lifestyle.  I guess that is why I second-guess myself that if I am 100% ready to make that kind of commitment, then why can't I make that kind of commitment to myself WITHOUT surgery?!  But, I have done that many times over and it does NOT WORK for me! 

Hubby is my closest friend and soul mate and he says he has no doubt whatsoever that I am ready where I'm at right now.  (I've made GREAT STRIDES in life recently also!)  Yes, we know it won't be easy, but it will be more than worth the rewards!  I really feel that I will be right there with the ones saying post-op that my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. 

You did not veer off track, Iris!  I am so glad to be able to talk and share with one another all of these things.  And that it can be therapeutic not only to me, but to others also?  What more could I ask for?! 

Shauna - Your a logical thinking woman, your going to question this and I'm sure many other things in life. It's human nature! Go with what you really believe and trust in it...
Best Wishes!

I, my friend, question EVERYTHING in life!   

Thank you for the best wishes...right back at ya! 

Hey Shauna....we all have had doubts and mine continued until the night before surgery but the morning of, i finally found peace that this was the right decision for me.   I was 52 years old with high cholesterol, GERD and on meds for high bp.   I have lost and gained over a thousand pounds in 35 years.  There were many things I would have loved to do with my child and didn't do because of obesity and/or embarrassment over my size.   I am only half way there but i feel i have a whole new life (thus my screen name, new beginning).    The statistics for WLS are so much better than any diet we could be on..   I was on that roller coaster ride for years trying to do it myself and even 3 years ago when a coworker had WLS, I talked to her but felt i could do it myself.   Well, that didn't go anyplace and I ended up here.  We all have to look at our life's journey and decide what is BEST for us.  No one else can make that decision for you.   I am proud to say i am off all meds except synthroid for an underactive thyroid i developed after surgery.  That is no big deal as i had the same issue from 15 to age 33.   It is also a common condition for women in menopause from what i have read and after surgery. 

If i knew then what i know now...i would have had this surgery done years ago!  But we can't cry over spilt milk and just move ahead.

You take care and I know YOU will make the right decision for YOU.

Take care, Pam