Boundries and family - OT
It is so hard to remember that you can have boundries with your grown children that you did not have for obvious reasons when they were growing up. I have two beautiful adult daughters living here at home. They both are beginning awesome careers and will soon move on to their own homes in the next couple of years. My older daughter has asked me to hem some pants for her in a certain way and I have refused to do it the way she is asking (knowing that it will not work for one reason) but offered to assist her with getting the length set and take them to the taylor to get them done correctly. I even will hand sew one pair in case they can not get them done in time. She is not happy with my 'no' but amazingly she hasn't bitten my head off. She is not really used to me saying no very much but I think I will start doing so more often. (The pants are her uniform pants and they really do need to be professionally taylored to look right.) I of course love my daughter and am extremely proud of her but I can't do everything for her anymore. She has to start doing things for herself. Otherwise she may never survive out there on her own co***** cop. LOL!
Ann and the 'Bean'
Blogs mysecondhalfoflife.blogspot.com/ and amanicinsomniacsreadinglist.blogspot.com/
High/Surg/current/goal - 320/253/150/healthy - I am 5' 3" tall - Size 8 now! Past surgeon's goal now!
Blogs mysecondhalfoflife.blogspot.com/ and amanicinsomniacsreadinglist.blogspot.com/
High/Surg/current/goal - 320/253/150/healthy - I am 5' 3" tall - Size 8 now! Past surgeon's goal now!
(deactivated member)
on 8/9/08 6:18 am - NC
on 8/9/08 6:18 am - NC
BUT ANN, IT'S SOOOOO HARRRRDDDDD!!!!I couldn't help but laugh at myself while reading this post, seeing as how I just finished folding my 24-year-old daughter's clothes!!!!! But, I justify it by saying that my two daughters (one living at home while working full-time to get ready for law school & the other one home for the summer from NC State) are SUCH a big help to me, I'm glad to do the little things like that for them that I CAN. But you're right, they do need to learn to take care of themselves before going out into the world, and I'm working on it.....I promise......(sigh)
Ann:
This is a great thing for me to remember. I would have to say that I feel I gave my children far too much and wished I had them do more to earn it. I believe they have taken alot they have gotten for granted. I also don't really see my 18 year stepping up to the plate as far as responsibilty and that worries me. I think she does expect me to do things for her and also expects things to be handed to her. I just look back to when I was 18 and was managing my finances, attending college, and was quite responsible to be that age. I don't see it that way with her. as far as saying no to her. I didn't and haven't done it near enough. Thanks for the lesson!
Lisa
This is a great thing for me to remember. I would have to say that I feel I gave my children far too much and wished I had them do more to earn it. I believe they have taken alot they have gotten for granted. I also don't really see my 18 year stepping up to the plate as far as responsibilty and that worries me. I think she does expect me to do things for her and also expects things to be handed to her. I just look back to when I was 18 and was managing my finances, attending college, and was quite responsible to be that age. I don't see it that way with her. as far as saying no to her. I didn't and haven't done it near enough. Thanks for the lesson!
Lisa
It's really hard to not mother or kids at any age. But I think after a certain point parenting is more about offering advice when they want it and instructing them how to do stuff when they need it. I have to admit it that it is often easier to just do it for them but that can cause a cycle of dependence no one wants to get locked into. All of my children started doing their own laundry when they were in their early teens when I thought they could manage the washer and drier. Since I had six kids laundry and clothing maintenance was a huge issue. None of my kids have ever brought home a batch of dirty laundry for me to do. They will bring it home and use my equipment though. And thats fine. Someday they may even bring their own laundry soap. Now that would be something. My daughter that wants her pants hemmed is a very busy young lady I have to admit and I don't mind helping with one pair to get her started but I am not doing all six pairs and I am not going to drag out my sewing machine to do them either. I did offer her the use of the machine but that hasn't flown. We are still negotiating over the hemming and who should do it. Its kind of amusing. Cause I am not going to do it for her. She still thinks I might. Sigh!
Ann and the 'Bean'
Blogs mysecondhalfoflife.blogspot.com/ and amanicinsomniacsreadinglist.blogspot.com/
High/Surg/current/goal - 320/253/150/healthy - I am 5' 3" tall - Size 8 now! Past surgeon's goal now!
Blogs mysecondhalfoflife.blogspot.com/ and amanicinsomniacsreadinglist.blogspot.com/
High/Surg/current/goal - 320/253/150/healthy - I am 5' 3" tall - Size 8 now! Past surgeon's goal now!
I have a weird child who informed me we were doing to much for him and he wants to be more independent. Of course, that was until he needs his clothes washed..lol. We told him we will have a once over on his car by the mechanic and he informed us it is his responsibility (wonder if he will pay that bill) Last year was his first year of college and we used to drive up to Wake every 6 weeks or so for a Costco run. He asked to be added to our account as he will take his car this year and do it himself at his own expense. He does work study and worked and saved over the summer. He buys his own books, parkign permit and food. I have seen huge changes in him (he is an only child which makes it worse for me and hubby) and while it is so hard to let go, we know we need to. On the other hand, while we love him and dote on him, we can't wait for him to go back to school and have some semblance of normal. He is a slob and drops things all over. I guess i will spend the day after he returns to school cleaning house from top to bottom.
Keep up the pushing back Ann as it is for their own good. ... but oh so hard!
Pam
Its good to see our kids become adults and its good to just spend time with them without having to always tell them to do something or remind them to brush their teeth etc. But it is still hard to stop it too. For them it must be hard as well. I think most of them want independence but don't know where to start exactly. Some need to be push out of the nest a bit while others fly early and strong from the get go. I have six and they are at all points on the spectrum.
Ann and the 'Bean'
Blogs mysecondhalfoflife.blogspot.com/ and amanicinsomniacsreadinglist.blogspot.com/
High/Surg/current/goal - 320/253/150/healthy - I am 5' 3" tall - Size 8 now! Past surgeon's goal now!
Blogs mysecondhalfoflife.blogspot.com/ and amanicinsomniacsreadinglist.blogspot.com/
High/Surg/current/goal - 320/253/150/healthy - I am 5' 3" tall - Size 8 now! Past surgeon's goal now!
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