Need a Friend...Mine have Left...

Hey:
I'm in the last stages of my Pre-Op.  I am only waiting for insurance approval right now...., I was trying to share with my best friend everything that was going on.  She went crazy on me!  She said some of the meanest things like. Losing weight should not be as important as losing my life, and  that I shouldn't get this done because I will regret it later....blah blah blah....She also said some  other hurtful things.  I was just wanting her to be my friend and listen without scorn.  Has anyone ever experienced this before?

((((Sonya)))),

I'm so very sorry for your painful experience with your 'friend.' I imagine that she has a truckload of her own issues that just came tumbling out on your feet when you went to her for support. Her reaction sounds as though she doesn't really understand the risks of remaining obese, the safety of the WLS as a whole, the percentage of people that it actually does work for in the short and long term, etc...

I have been fortunate to have the experience that you have had. I did have some concern and resistance from a few friends and family, but it was done in a loving, supportive and respectful way.

I can only share my personal experience, and of course, you are welcome to read my profile for details, but I have to tell you that my only regret regarding my own WLS is that I didn't do it sooner. It has changed my life in so many tangible and intangible ways; more than I can say. One of the side benefits of this journey has been all of the new friends I have made here on OH and elsewhere.

Wishing you all the best as you make this journey of a lifetime,

Barb

P.S. Please be my friend!

Hi Sonya, I'm sorry that your so called friend went off on you when you really needed her support.  Like Barb said, she is most likely dealing with her own issues and you were a convenient target.  Maybe she deep down needs to take some serious steps to take control of something in her life, if not a weight issue, something else, and she's jealous that you are taking control of your weight issues so that you can be a healthier person in the future. 

You'll find plenty of friends here on the NC OH board.  I'll be happy to be your friend!  Congrats on getting so far in your WLS journey.  Before long you'll be right here on losers bench with so many other fantastic people. 

Take care, Alice

(((((((((Sonya))))))))))))
I know what you are talking about I went though something similar myself.
I made the choice to have wls for me and only me and it is me who has to make it work.
The benefits from wls are wonderful I have found my life again.
Congratulations on your choice to have wls.
Feel free to come to the NC boards you will find lots of love hear to help you through.
                                    Annie

Sonya,

I agree with Alice.  I think she may have some issues and may be jealous.  Unfortunately, there are "friends" that want you to be as miserable as them or maybe she fears that you will start getting all of the attention.  I am so very fortunate that I have friends and co-workers that either support me 100% or if they do have concerns they really haven't expressed them and continue to support me.  My boss, I know for a fact does not think I should have it done.  However, she doesn't  tell me that.  She supports my decision and will not tell me anything negative. 

I am blessed, my best friend and husband have been my biggest supporters.  Both of them right now are doing the 2 week liquid diet with me, as hard as it is for all of us.  That is special!  Funny thing is that my best friend is gorgeous and hardly needs to lose weight.

You know what decision is best for you.  Maybe you should remind your friend that by NOT losing weight, you could also lose your life .

This website has been so supportive. Anytime I start to doubt myself you can always come here and remember why you made the decision you did.  We are here for you!

angie

Hi Sonya,

I have been blessed with friends that have been very supportive with my decision.  I am sorry that your best friend is not.  I also agree with the above comments that she has issues that she needs to resolve and that you know what is best for you. 

I hope that with time she will come around and even if she still thinks it is not right she will accept your decision and support you. You can always count on your friends here no matter what!!

Keep your head up!  I am scheduled for my surgery on August 12th and am so excited. 

Vera

Sonya, I am so sorry you are going through this!
I work in Richmond County, and live in Anson, so I'm really close to you and would be glad to be your friend!  I'm still kinda under the weather right now, but would be glad to meet you for lunch or something when I'm able.
(((HUGS))) to you, and know that we're here on the NC Forum for you!

From all the responses here I can see you have a lot of friend potential right here in the state. Take advantage of all the positive people here and you will find many of us also want to have more friends in common with our new life styles so we can shed the old ways that got us here in the first place.

Congratulations on being in the final stages!  I'm right at the beginning myself.    Wishing you the best of luck with your insurance approval!

When hearing about your friend, the first thing I wondered about is if she is happy with her weight?  If she isn't, she could feel very insecure about realizing your amazing success is right around the corner.  Also, it could be that she doesn't completely understand the risks/benefits of WLS and she could be scared that she is going to literally lose you. 

I've read many times over that losing friends can be a very real thing for WLS patients.  I'm so sorry you are having to go through that.  As you can see, you'll find many supportive friends here!  But I do hope you'll be able to mend things with your friend if your friendship is true and valuable! 

Hey Sonya...so sorry to hear your friend is acting like such an a$$.   It  could be alot of other things or it could just be she is afraid of losing you and would rather have the fat you right now and is not looking at your future health.   I know i have a 27 yr old gal who is like a daughter (she has had a very rough life and no family except her grandma who raised her) to me and she was scared to death that something would happen to me.   She expressed that to me many many times and warned me i better not die or she would get a voodoo doll and stick it with pins so i would never rest in peace.   My college son was also scared and i made the decision not to even tell him the date until the last minute.   She may love you deeply but not know how to express herself except with anger.     Both of my kids have seen how successful i have been so far and how my health has improved.  They both realize it was one of the best things i could do for myself and to us as a family.   My husband has been very supportive.

As the others have said, you have a big friend pool here with us.  Feel free to come to us for support, to vent, or anything else you need.  We are here for you!

Take care and good luck my friend!

Pam