Post Op body image ?

When you were pre op how did you see your body ending up?  I've always been the big girl and I'm having trouble visualizing what a thinner me will look like. I find myself noticing other women's body types and wondering if that's what a thinner toned up version of me will look like.  I've never taken compliments well either so I'm a little concerned on how I'll react to those as well. I'm one of these folks *****ally believes that a projecting a positive self image is more than half the battle so I guess I'm trying to over prepare myself. (Yes I'm a control freak and really don't like to leave any options unexplored).

I'm not worried about losing the weight - I have full confidence that WLS is the answer for my situation. I'm just trying to tweak it and make it the best that it can possibly be and that includes the brain stuff as well. I'm living the Boy Scout motto to always be prepared. - Iris

 

Iris - I havent alway been "heavy" so I look forward to getting my former self back, although not really sure how my skin is going to do? Plastics will be on option...I know right now that I'd like to have some perkier boobies! LOL Learn to take those compliments, you will have well earned them!

I had been big for so long that I had no idea what I'd look like when I lost weight.  I wonder if that made it easier for me to adjust to my new body?  Not sure, but except for some saggy skin issues, I think I look fairly decent. As far as taking compliments, that comes with time.  Practice with me now, out loud...... Thank you.  That's all you need to respond with when someone says you look great, and they will.  It is extremely hard to not deny or deflect compliments for a lot of us.  We don't believe what they said, so we assume they don't either.  Frankly, it was hard at first, now I know people genuinely mean what they say, at least concerning that. All of the head stuff comes with time.  You will learn to see yourself as others see you eventually.  Just focus on working the tool you're given and following your doctor's advice.  Take care. Ellen

I haven't had WLS yet, but body image is something that has also weighed heavily on my mind regarding it.   I remember very well what the thinner me looked like...over 20 years and 4 babies ago!  Oh how I know that I won't look like that once I rapidly lose the weight after surgery.  I dare not think of how much worse my "deflated bread dough" apron could get!  :P   My one consolation is knowing that my hubby of 22 years loves, loves, loves me regardless and that noone else has to see me nekkid.  {snicker}  Our plan is to save like gangbusters for about  2 years post-op, just in case I do choose to be assisted with plastics later.   I am going to start practicing the "Thank You" now like Ellen said.  I can hear me now..."You look great!" followed by me saying something like, "Well, thanks, BUT...(fill in the blank about how something is sagging or whatever.)!"   ;)  Shauna

I am having trouble seeing the weight lost. My highest weight was 334 lbs and today I am 210. That  is 124 lbs lost in all. But I only count  the 95 since my wls began. Even at that, it looks like I could see the newer slimmer me. But no .....the mirror still shows me at 300 lbs. When people complement me I say "Thank you" and I believe them. My clothing tells me I have lost weight but my mind is a real butt and says there is still a fat woman in the mirror when I am only pleasingly plump. I hope my brain changes its mind soon so I can enjoy my weightloss. And this awful hernia doesn't help matters. Soooo there is no way I can visualize me thin, my brain wont let it happen. Sorry about the sad sack response.....I am really very happy. Maybe one day the MIRROR will be my friend. Myrtis

Thank You - all of you. I guess that I really needed to be reminded that I'm not alone. My fears and flaws are quite normal.

- Iris

Hey, I was a Boy Scout!  My post may not help you but, here goes anyway.  I've never (really never) been at a "normal" weight so my body image is something I sort of ignored.  When you see yourself in the mirror everyday you sort of get used to what you see and equate it to being "normal", at least for you.  I never considered myself, fat, I just looked like "me", if you know what I mean.  Even after a total of 95 pounds lost, I still see the same me.  I feel better, and my clothes have fallen off of me but I still see the same me, even if everyone else doesn't.  Like most guys I know, I never thought I looked "bad".  But, on the other side of the coin, I don't think I look "great" now.  I know that I feel better and have probably prolonged my life, but as far as body image, it's not an issue I've put much thought into.  Good luck to you!

Hi Iris,

This is a great topic and I'm glad you brought it up. As you might have noticed on my signature and some of my more recent postings, this is an issue that I'm currently working on getting my head around. Like you, I've always been big. Unlike Wendy, I don't have a thinner self image. Once, when I was about 16 I dropped down to a size 9 for a couple of months at 5 ft tall ... so I was still 'chubby', but it was the thinnest I'd ever been since I was a child. I guess in my 'minds eye' that's what I had hoped and thought I might look like. I can't quite tell you how surprised I was to find that I'm not shaped at all like I was at 16. For one thing, I'm about 6 inches taller and to be honest, I'm a lot slimmer now than I was then. But to tell you the truth, my sand has shifted ... I'm no longer somewhat pear-shaped, I'm actually barrel chested and have somewhat slim hips. Who'd have thought that?! Not me!

As you know, my daughter Sarah has been undergoing physical therapy to rehab her knee after surgery. OMG!!! I hate the mirrors in that place. When I sit on one of the pieces of equipment and see my reflextion, I see that I'm incredibly smaller than I used to be, but FAR from what I want to see. I see the rolls of fat that make me look chubby and somewhat like a softie ice cream cone. I'm not imagining and I'm not seeing what's not there. I have to say ... it really bugs me. That said, If I look at my profile and see the photos of me sitting on my porch, or in the black, plum or brown evening gowns ... I have to admit that for the most part, I like what I'm seeing. In my head and my eyes, I see the smaller me most of the time. I really do think that it will take some time to come to terms with the fact that the smaller me is somewhat damaged from the extra weight that I've packed around all these years and there is some sadness and regret associated with that, but the joy and pleasure associated with being and feeling healthier, smaller, and lighter outweighs the sadness and distress associated with not looking the I might have if I had never caused the damage that I caused by carrying the extra weight ... Does that make sense?

Like you, I wish I could have more control over the 'outcome.' I think that we need to be cognizant and appreciative of the fact that while we may not be able to fully control our reaction to the outcome, we are in fact stepping up to the plate and controlling the outcome of our lives and our health far more than we ever have in the past.

There a number of things that you can do to help yourself adjust to the new you that will be emerging from the cocoon of fat that you have wrapped yourself in.

1.  Take photos of yourself ... front, profile and yes ... back. These will give you a visual reference point. While we are hard on ourselves, we also 'protect' ourselves to a certain extent when we are bigger ... you know when you see a photo of yourself and say "OMG, I can't be THAT Big!" We are, but we focus on ourselves from the chest up. We stand behind something or someone when we have our photos taken. I really believe that this gives a somewhat dysmorphic sense of our size and negatively impacts us as we start to lose and get smaller. I think that to a certain point we don't see the smaller us, because we've been 'seeing' ourselves somewhat smaller than we are. The other thing that I think happens is that we become much more critical of ourselves as we start to 'melt away'. We are looking for the smaller person within and we become very focused on the 'fat' that is left. Sometimes we literally don't see the forest for the trees; meaning we are so focused on what we don't like that we aren't seeing the progress that we are making.

2. Take your measurements before surgery and once a month post op. If you go to www.thinnerself.com, they have a fabulous, detailed log that you can use for your measurements. But the thing that's great about using that site is that when you plug in your numbers to their chart, it will display a graphic representation of where you were when you started and where you are now. You will SEE the shrinking you.

3. At 3, 6, 9 and 12 months go get a professional portrait taken. I'd take one before if at all possible. These don't have to be expensive at all, but they will show you the you that everyone else tells you that they are seeing. You will see yourself in the most flattering and positive light. We are so very critical of ourselves that sometimes it's hard to see the positives. I found this to be incredibly helpful. You can get this done at your local Sears, Walmart, KMart, ... for 10 - $25 and it's money well spent.

I believe that you going to be pleasantly amazed at the butterfly that emerges during the next year. I look foward to watching you discover the new you.

Warmly,

Barb

Just five years ago I weighed 145 lbs.  I now weigh 245...I remember like it was yesterday what I felt like and what I looked like...I can only pray that I will come close to that again.  I don't think about how my body will look as much as I feel the guilt about what I've done to my body.  It makes me very, very, sad...I will say this though...Even after two children and two c-sections, I only recently got my first stretch mark ever, under my arm, near my arm pit...  :-(

Iris

What a great question.  Like many others, I have been a bigger person my entire adult life.  Even in high school I felt bigger.  Not morbidly obese then, but definitely overweight to mildly obese.  So, I had no picture of what I might look like at a healthy weight.  I hoped I would look "normal", but in reality thought my body would still be mis-shapen in some way.

Fast forward to now...I'm at goal.  On average, I'm wearing a size 10 (sometimes a 8) and a medium top.  Some days I think I look great.  Other days I feel like I do look mis-shapen.  And still other days my mind says I'm fat.  I think it just takes time.  Overall, I like how I look in clothes, when I'm standing up and looking in the mirror.  But, when I sit down the extra skin all flops together.  That's when the roll-effect comes in to play.  Yuk - I don't like that at all.  But I try to remember how it used to be and in comparrison, this is nothing!  I try to focus on all the things I can do now that I couldn't do before. 

I do get a lot of compliments, which is both wonderful and intimidating.  My response is usually something like, "Thanks so much, but I still have quite a lot of skin problems."  It's almost like I'm trying to downplay my success.  I think I just don't want to come across as a stuck-up snob who thinks she's perfect, because I know I'm not perfect by any means.  That said, I worked hard and do look drastically different than 9 months ago, so it's normal for people to comment on it, and I have a right to feel good about it!  I'm working on implementing the straight "Thank You" response.  :)

I've said it before, but I just think it sums it up best to say this journey is like a roller coaster ride.  Many ups and downs, but oh what a thrill!