OT: My heart is aching...long post

So as a lot of you know, my 14 year old son decided to go and live with his dad down in Georgia. So they just left and I tried not to cry but I did and of course I am heartbroken. He is just so happy to be going and it is certainly a double edged sword. While I want my son to be happy, of course I want it to be here at his home. I have parented all of the kids lives  and their dad left when they were 3 and 7. Out of the 11 years he has been gone he has been away for a great deal of that time. Don't get me wrong...he loves the kids but is essentially not their parent but their friend. At least that's how I feel about it. His wife for whom he left me has never had kids and they have led a lavish lifestyle compared to me. They drive a LandRover and Mercedes. I am not complaining...it's just ot hurts that I have done the work and he gets the glory so to speak. Anyhow, there are several of you that have written me coutless emails (Nancy) and many phone calls (Barb and Suzanne). I appreciate the support I get from my OH family and from people who understand my sadness right now. It will get better. I have survived many losses in my life and will get through this as well. This one just brings up some garbage of the past (insecurities) and such. Then there is that geen eyed monster that rears its head as well. Stupid thoughts can wreak havoc you know. Thanks agaion for letting me write this down.The tears will dry up eventually. I was due for a cry I think anyhow...lol. Maybe this will let me get that last pound plus perhaps a few more off for a buffer zone. we can only hope. Ok....so it's off to the dentist with my blochy face. Lisa

Oh sweetie - I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. At his age Dad's glamorous lifestyle and toys has a tremendous amount of pull. You have done an awesome job to this point and you will always be the one responsible for shaping him into the man that he'll become. One day he'll realize all of this and be so thankful that he had a Mom who loved him enough to let him make his own mistakes. Dry the tears. Take a long walk. Relax in a long hot bath and curl up with a good book. - Iris

Lisa, We all know that some day your son will look back and realize who was there for him when it counted.  But I know that does little to ease your pain right now.  Go ahead and cry...that's your right.  It's natural that you're sad to see your baby go, especially under the cir****tances.  We're crying with you.  :(

Lisa, I am so sad for you.  I know what you are feeling.  And every one of your feelings is valid.  I think it completely sucks that this is happening to you.  That being said, it ain't over yet!  He is there just for today.  He is wanting to be there just for today.  His dad hung the moon just for today.  Your son is going to see things a whole lot differently from his new perch and he just might see things more clearly.  But there ain't no doubt about it:  growing pains suck!!!  Call me if you want to talk.

Unfortunately, I had to delete this post due to privacy concerns.

Awww, sweetie....((((HUGS)))) Let me tell you, I know you are in a great deal of pain right now, and your son thinks he knows what he wants.....but once the day-to-day realities of living together set in, he may have a whole different attitude about the situation. I mean, we all love going to Disneyland, but to live there everyday would get awful old, know what I mean?  Plus, YOU are the one who's been putting an emotional investment in with him, the one who's been there for him, and the one he trusts and can count on.  Don't undervalue yourself! Most of you don't know this , but I am a Family court Judge, and I see this kind of situation all the time.....and most of the time, those kids end up right back where they started!  So just hang in there, continue to be there for him, and chances are, he'll come around before too long. Wish I could say or do something more to make you feel better.... Take care!

Everyone here says exactly what I know to be true from experience. You have put in the work and the love and your son is sure to be a fine young man so far. But he is about to enter into an age of confusion and turmoil and when he needs his Momma he'll be sure to call you. He will turn to you again and since you let him go where he currently thinks he needs to be right now he will come back. And he will always feel you are his heart as he is part of yours.

Lisa,  As a mother I can only imagine the angst and grief you are feeling, and I am so sorry that you are having to go through this.  However, from what you have described, I have all faith that your son will be back.  I think once he gets in the middle of this new and exciting lifestyle that he is so eager to have, he is most likely going to have a rude awakening. His father is going to have to "man up" and be more than just a friend.  Likewise, the wife is going to go from having no kids to having a 14 year old boy living in her house.  (Oh come on, girl, surely you can muster a giggle over THAT one!!) Hopefully though,  he will be back home with you before too very long, with a new respect and appreciation for you and all you have done for him. Until then, you go ahead and cry without guilt - I think you are more than entitled!  Just know that you are in our prayers and we are here for any support we can give you as you get through this.  (Oh, and congrats on just 1 more pound 'til goal!  From someone who is just getting started, I'm so happy for you!) Cathy W.

Lisa -  I'm so very sorry to hear of your pain. We do and teach what we can to our children and just hope that they take the "right roads". In our day and age it seems much more common for kids to think "the grass is always greener on the other side". My daughter saw some "green grass" herself. At the ripe ole' age of 18, she thought things were so terrible at home that she decided to leave us and move in with my mother...with whom I'm estranged! I know the heartache your feeling. I too have lost many loved ones but losing my daughter truly ripped my heart out, I'd never felt such pain in my life. I can happily report that she did come back! Mind you, I couldn't tell her enough how much we missed her and wanted her back where she belonged. Today, she has apologized for leaving and realizes it was a mistake...one we have forgiven. Know that you raised your son and should be very proud! I hope he flies back to the nest....

Hey Lisa....I am so sorry for your pain.  Along with the others, kids always think the grass is greener on the other side (hell, we all do) but he will soon learn his heart is with his mom.   He is at an age where he thinks he needs his dad...and understandably so...but i bet he will be burning up the phone lines calling mom. You take care and remember we are all here for you! Love ya, Pam