I am LIVID and had to share b/c I know you will all understand.

Ok, long story short.  A friend (well, former friend now I think), let's call her M, has acted distant from me for months. Well, we were *REALLY* close for a while and I was always there when she needed me. Same for me (her for me). Well, I told her about my upcoming surgery and she acted kind of weird about it. I chalked it up to her meeting someone and getting married. Well, we don't really talk anymore. Again, I'm thinking we are both just busy, although i know she would make tim ebefore. I kind of had the feeling she didn't "approve" of my having WLS, but I didn't care and STILL DON'T, but this irks me. Well, another friend, (C), and I are talking and she asks if I've heard from M. I say no, she didn't even check in after James's surgery to see how he was doing. That hurt my feelings. She NEVER responds ot my emails when i send out updates (really only every few months or so) about my weight loss. I mean losing 151 pounds I think is awesome and I would *THINK* that my close friends and family would want to know. Well, apparently not. Anyway, I'm rambling... So C tells me that M "doesn't like that James did the surgery". I was like how do you know? she said little comments here and there.  C says that M says "they took the easy way out." That is the part that infuriates me. WLS by no means is the EASY way out! I will say, it does give you a HUGE advantage and a head start, but it by no means just "falls off". I STILL struggle daily with good food choices and the will to exercise... it just makes me so mad b/c she is so uninformed about the surgery and the reasons for it.  M is a little overweight (nothing major at all-- i think she wears like a 14/16 which i would LOVE to be in), but I'm sure it's just jealously that I'm losing and will eventually be less than she is now.  She even made the comment  one time that she made sure she was my friend b/c I was overweight. That hurt my feelings so much and I let it go. This is just it... I'm done. Anyway, that's my rant for today. Sorry to bring you into my drama but I knew you all would understand... I appreciate having this place to vent to!  Thanks for reading!

You were right - I think everyone here will understand. A really good friend has already begun to distance herself from me. I have to say I sort of expected it but it's still painful. Jealousy is a terrible thing and it rears its ugly head in some very strange ways. Keep your chin up because you and James are going to make the healthiest most awesome couple in Eastern North Carolina. - Iris

(((((Melinda))))),

I'm so very sorry for your hurt. I don't know what is wrong with some people. I wish that there were some words of wisdom or comfort that I could offer you. The only thing that I can say is that I hope that you realize that you are worthy of the 'real' friendships that you have with most people and that while it will probably always hurt that you invested in this friendship that turned out to be not only barren, but toxic. I hope that you will continue to invest in healthy friendships. Let this one wither and die. It's not worth trying to prune and repair. I think that we all have someone (or someone's) who don't approve and/or think that it's the easy way out. Most of the time, they didn't have to move a mountain to get their lives back. They don't have a clue what we are facing before, during or after the WLS process. We can chalk that up to ignorance, I guess, but her behavior goes beyond that. I'm so sorry.

Please know that you do have friends here who care about you and for you. I know that we only get 'see' one another occasionally, but I have come to count you and many others on this board as friends in the most literal sense.

Take care my friend,

Barb

OMG Mindy.  Talk about jealousy and insecurities.  Sounds like she even doesn't come close to  understanding the word friendship.  I know this infuriates you but it also has to hurt a little too.  The only reason she said it is the 'easy way out' is because she knows she have the fortitude to have wls or to lose her few extra lbs on her own.  A real friend would have come to you and let you know how she was feeling.  You could have then reassured her that your friendship wasn't going to change - that you would still be you on the inside.  A real friend would be supportive and happy for you now that you are getting healthier.  She is also just ignorant of the facts or is trying to cover up her low self esteem and make excuses for herself by saying what she did.   Hopefully she will own up to what she has done and how she feels and your friendship can be saved.  But if she doesn't you just have to chalk it up to experience.  The ball is in her court.

Mindy I'm glad you & James had the surgery and hope everything  is fabulous with the WL journey.                                                 No one needs friends like that . I also hate when poeple say WLS is the easy way out.. Harriet

There is always an ass in every bunch(excuse my french). > Next time you see her, kill her with kindness!!!!

Oh Boy Mindy, You know I totally understand what you are going through with M. Easy way out I DONT THINK SOOOO if it wasent so unlady like I would love to get on my soap box and tell you just how I feel about what she said.I will behave myself today. As a matter of fact an old friend of mine who I have not seen in 3 or more years came over to our house last Sunday. She is still terribly obese which is sad but I know this was not nice but I struted my stuff. I wore my black jeans and crossed my legs while we were visiting and enjoyed every minute of it. I know VBG in other words and being completly honest I wanted to rub her face in my sucsess (sp) I wanted to show her just how stringer I am than she is. You too and James are strong too in fact anyone who makes the choice has to have inner strengh. 16-14  hey I would take it in a heartbeat. Keep the faith Mindy. Love and Light to you and James for being true hero's.                             Annie

Honestly, this probably is the easiest time I've had losing weight in all of my attempts.  Having said that, it's still not easy.  I prefer to think of this as the "Smart Way Out".  Bottom line, she'll probably come around eventually and it will be up to you to decide whether or not you want her in your life.   If she doesn't,  I don't really think  you're losing much from the sounds of things.  Don't let friends with bad attitudes derail your efforts.  You are doing great and we're all proud of you. Take care. Ellen

Here is a link to a post on the OFF (Over Fifty Forum) about friendship that was posted today.  I think this is good food for thought for all of us. http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/over_50/a,messageboard/act ion,replies/board_id,5364/cat_id,4964/topic_id,3643030/

People suck. People are idiots.