OT:The graduation and the moron ex (very long)

Ok, so my 18 year old, Morgan graduated yesterday and was SO excited as was her mom! I cannot begin to tell you how happy she was. So earlier in the day, her father and step mother were supposed to take the kids to lunch, however they didn't. He came over (I was at work) dropped off two cards and a keychain. Just cards......nothing in them. No lunch trip either. So he shows up to graduation......I spotted him across the coliseum in shorts, a polo, and tennis shoes. My daughter spotted them while walking in and then looked for us until she finally saw us. She was grinning from ear to ear. Afterwards, we found her outside and I asked where her father was and she said he had left a message saying he would call her if he was staying.....that's when I freaked. I said you call your dad and then I when she did I could see her face and whole demeanor deflate. Then she said she had to go and hung up the phone. He had left to go back to the hotel. Didn't stay to say anything to her at all.She was miserable and in tears, hurt, and deflated. I managed to get a pic or two  but she wouldn't even smile. So after that we went to dinner. The ex called me and had intentions to tell me job well done....howeverbefore he could say anything I had to ask him why he would come and not stay and his answer was he didn't know he was supposed to stay and that he figured she was going to go out with friends. I told him he had ruined the most important night of her life so far and common sense would have told him to give his daughter a hug and congratulate her and then he got quite defensive and said, "hold on....quit getting on me. I didn't intentionally hurt her, I didn't know." But he did hurt her and that really hurt me because it was a special day and should have been great for her. OK, so this idiot will be stepping into raise our 14 year old son who thinks his dad hung the moon as I have said. While at dinner I had to hold my tongue as Garrett told his sister she was blowing things out of porportion. I told him she was entitled to her feelings and that she was hurt. My ex called and she refused to talk to him that night. This morning he called at 7:00 am and I took her the phone and she came back and said she was too tired to go to breakfast. I was at work. So....he did come over later and brought a biscuit and some flowers for her. That was that. He left for Georgia after that and comes back on July 3 to get our son. So, I just really had to vent cause I don't think I was out of line to expect a parent to act as such.  Thanks for listening. So, getting that wow when he saw me(he didn't) is something I could care less about since it doesn't matter. I actually thought it was sad that he doesn't know how to parent. I suppose he is kind of clueless. I think he thinks he will be a great parent. We shall see. I know Morgan's now sees who has been there for her and perhaps Garrett will realize it one day as well. Thanks for the ear guys! Lisa

Lisa, You did what you know was right in raising your daughter and in dealing with your ex.  I know your heart hurts for her.  All you can do is keep loving her and your son.  Your ex is the one who is missing out and that's his problem/misfortune.  Morgan will always remember this and you will be the one to reap the rewards for having struggled and sacrificed to raise her.  You are one class act!   My own children have been through times like this with their dad.  Your son will realize one day that you were the one who was always there.  You are the safe parent.  That's what I've always said of myself.  I was the parent the kids could get angry with, the one the kids could lash out at, etc but would always be there loving them and I feel honored to have been the safe parent.  My kids defended their dad when he did stupid things like your ex has done because they were afraid if they didn't they would get even less of his attention than they were already getting.  Your daughter is realizing that now and your son will realize that one day also.  Don't know if this makes sense or helps you in any way.  I guess it is really just sufficient to say, congratulations mom on a job well done!

Thanks so much Donna for the very kind words. I just SO needed to vent and write down what had happened since it just floored me. You are right. The kids will realize. I know I did as the child of divorced parents and saw what my dad had done. Unfortunately, we wish we could spare our kids the pain. I hate that kids are truly innocent victims of divorce. Anyhow, thanks again. It really meant alot. Lisa

There is a reason he's your ex. he just doesn't have what it takes to be a step up father and of course he proved to not be a very good husband either. I am sorry your daughter was hurt and I am sure that your son will 'get it' in the next couple of years who he really is as a person. You on the other hand were there every step of the way and they know that you will continue to be. I have every confidence based on my past experience that your children will be closer to you in the end than they ever can be with their father.

Lisa..  all I can say is WHAT A MORON!!!!!  I am so proud of you for standing up for Morgan and your family.  You go girl!

Unfortunately, almost any male can be a father (a.k.a. a sperm donor) but it takes someone extraordinary to be a Dad.  I'm sorry Morgan had to be hurt by her sperm donor.  But I'm glad that you realize you don't need him to give you that "wow" you were looking for.  He's not worth it. Big (((((((((hugs)))))))))) to you and Morgan.   And you are right ~ Garrett will soon see the truth.  Kudos to you for standing up to the moron!!!  You go girl!!!! Hugs, Donna

OMG Lisa...what a total jackhole!!    I am so sorry your daughter's special day was not everything she had hoped it would be.  I mean, if he really thought that she wouldn't mind if he left, he should have just asked to see what she said.  And the fact that she called him after he left and asked him why he left should have been another clue that she wanted him there.  oiy!!

So sorry. 

...and omg, I just took a peek to see if you had any pictures from the graduation posted!

You are a tiny little thing now girl!!!  I can't believe that less than a year ago, you were visiting me in the hospital!  LOL!!  You're looking so wonderful.  Keep up the great work.  Wow!!

Awwwwww Lisa, just reading this has made me cry.  That is so sad that she was so let down at an important moment.  I feel so hurt for her but guess I relate because of my son being let down so many times.  And there's nothing really you can do to make it up to her.  I think he did know he should at LEAST stick around and give her a hug before ducking out........but to just ditch??  That is so sad.  Seems like he knew he wasn't going to be seeing her if he gave her the card beforehand.  I'm so glad she has you there for her.  From what you wrote, it sounds like once you gave him a justifyable piece of your mind, he brought her a pity biscuit....was that a result of guilt????  As for Garrett.....his turn will probably come and I'm glad he has you to turn to.  It's just going to break your heart while it happens.  Like I said.......bide your time.........he'll be back.  I'm praying for you guys.

Nancy

Lisa, I'm so sorry your Morgan's day was ruined by her Dad.  I wonder what goes through their heads sometimes.  You have been there for her through everything and I'm sure she realizes it.  As for your "wow" moment, even though he's a jerk I know it would have been nice just to see his face, his loss!  Also, Garrett may think his Dad hung the moon right now but let him have a bit of time with him, his opinion may change.