Why do I still hate. . .

. . . seeing pictures of myself???  O.k. ladies (and gents too), help me out here.  I have lost 122 lbs to date going from an all time high of 305 lbs to my current 183 lbs.  Sounds like such a success doesn't it?  So why do I still hate the way I look????  My son took a couple of pics of me last night while I was making dinner and I posted them on my page.  I should be happy with the way I look now.  I mean, for the most part I look like a "normal" sized person and I usually don't scare children and small animals when I go out in public.  My soul mate Scott tells me I am beautiful all the time and even my 15 year old son says I look good for an "old" woman (I just turned 41 last week and he thinks that is so old!).   SO WHY CAN'T I ACCEPT THE WAY I LOOK AND JUST BE HAPPY WITH MYSELF??????  Instead, all I can do is see all the bad things ~ like my pouchy stomach that won't go away no matter how many crunches I do and how thin my hair looks now and all the wrinkly skin on my arms, legs, and neck.  I can compare pics of myself before surgery and now and I know I have changed a lot but how long is it going to take before my head realizes it?????  Does anyone else struggle with this issue or am I just being stupid?????  I'm sorry to whine about this as I know a lot of our friends on here are dealing with much more important issues in their lives right now but I feel like no one outside of my OH family understands what I'm going thru and I just wanted to get some perspective from you guys.  Thanks for listening to my rambling!!

You are completly normal. Woman are always our own worst critics. It's easier to find fault with ourselves than to find the good stuff. It does getter better as time passes. But I also think it takes work and effort to focus on the good. Try to give yourself a compliment everyday. Tell yourself what you like about you. Your hair should return to it's normal state. It just takes time to grow. MIne started falling out at 3 months and started coming back at 9 months. It's been 2 years and my hair is about how it was before surgery.

Focus and the postive and don't beat yourself up.

Take care.

Belinda

Hi Donna, The way I look at it is the better I am feeling the better I am starting to like what I see in the mirror but only in clothes LOL I always tell Lee I jst want to look perfect well I know nobody is ever perfect. On my way home this morning I was thinking Oh Boy I am going to be bald and toothless. I have full dentures due to the side effects of Fen-Phen. Now the loss of hair is making me nutty but dealing with it. Even if I am bald and toothless I would much rather be healthy.                                    Annie

(((((Donna)))))),

I really do understand. I think that there are a myriad of reasons for this.

- I think that while we 'know' that there will be some residual scaring and skin issues related to the massive weight loss, there is also a part of us that holds out hope that we will be one of the lucky few that will look 'normal' when we lose all of the excess weight. Of course, the excess skin and wrinkling from the stretch marks are the scars of our obesity that we carry with us ... some, more than others.

- I also think that while we were critical of ourselves before, we also took great pains to not really 'see' what we looked like when we were at our heaviest. We avoided cameras like the plague and if we would venture in front of one we would do our best to hide behind someone or something if we ever allowed a full body shot. I think that this does a number of things in our heads ... in part, it allows us to fool ourselves into thinking that we weren't as big as we were ... you know, when you see a photo and OMG, I can't believe I was THAT big!

I too look at myself and still see a chub more often than not. I do think it takes time to get our heads around the massive changes in ourselves, but I also think that we are somewhat dysmorphic ... meaning that I don't think that we see all of the progress others see. On top of that, I think we are much more self-critical now than we were before.

To combat this, I am doing several things...

- I've had professional portraits taken. This allows me to see myself as others do and in my 'best' light. ... It's about time for me to do it again ;-)

- I make a grateful list everyday and it has to include something related to how I feel emotionally, something to do with how I feel physically and something to do with my appearance. I want to actively focus on the positive, because to be honest I find that I'm often making comments about how I 'hate my arm', 'turkey neck,' 'muffin top,' 'droopy elephant skin' ... etc... You know where I'm going. I need to turn the focus to something positive and some of it needs to be about "how I feel" as well as how I look.

I must say that I feel embarrased sometimes when I address this issue because I think that some people think I'm ungrateful for all of the positive changes that have occured in my life since I had this surgery. Like you, that couldn't be further from the truth ... like you, I'm incredibly grateful for the positives, but I must admit that the 'scars' of my obesity are still a painful reminder of what I did to myself ... I do try to turn it around and realize that they are also a reminder of what I have done FOR myself.

Hugs,

Barb

Well said Barb! I like the idea of making a "greatful list".  I think I will add that at the end of my journal page everyday from now on.   Gal, you make my day everyday!  You are such an encourager!

Paula,

I'm so glad to have you too!

Barb