x-post: Help! I don't know what to do now! (LONG)

I'm a newbie here, but have enjoyed learning from the seasoned pros here at OH.  I am in the middle of preparing for WLS.  I have had my initial surgeon appt., done the info seminar, attended the support group meeting, have my psych appt on Tuesday, then my nut/fitness eval on the 22nd.  My doc says that we should get insurance approval in early May.  This had me really excited and ready. But then.... My sister (42 and Super MO) had a colonoscopy this week, and they were unable to advance the scope more than eight inches, and hit a blockage.  They took samples and sent them to be biopsied.  Yesterday, they called and told her they were malignant.....adenocarcinoma.  She just had a CAT scan in October, but they couldn't get a good image because of her size (440 lbs), and didn't try anything else...so she continued to have stomach pain and rectal bleeding, so they sent her for the colonoscopy.  She is my only living relative (besides DH and DD) and I'm all that she has in this world. We don't know the size or spread of the tumor, so they're sending her AGAIN on Monday for yet another CT scan....which if it didn't work the first time, I'm truly wondering if it's a waste of time. She is my first priority right now, and I am upset and very concerned about her, as we are very close.  My dilemma is this:  It looks like she is going to be going through a long and arduous treatment soon.  I feel like just abandoning my dream of WLS so that I can be there 24/7 to care for my sister.  It feels selfish to continue with my own surgery plans, especially since her disease is life-threatening. I am at a loss......I just don't know what to do. Any support or positive advice would be welcome.

Sorry to hear about your sister, she will be in my prayers. I would say at this point to just wait and see what is going on before you make a decision.. keep persuing the WLS for now. Its hard to say what you should/shouldnt do until you get the entire story.

Oh, Lisa, I'm so sorry to hear about your sister.  As a cancer survivor, I'm sending all my best thoughts her way and to you as well. Have you had the chance to talk with your sister about this yet?  It may be far too soon to make a decision one way or another until she finishes her diagnostic procedures and can talk with you about this -- not necessarily in depth, but at least enough to gauge her feelings about it.  You do have a few weeks before surgery.  Have you considered that if you go ahead with your WLS, you might miss being with her for a short time but in the long run you might have more energy and more emotional resource than if you didn't?  Being a caregiver is an awesome responsibility, and a very demanding one.   Do you feel you can give as much as you need in your current physical condition? Please keep us posted on your sister's situation and your thoughts about your situation.  It can help so much to get your feelings and thoughts down, and we want to be here for you!

Lisa, I am so sorry to hear about your sister.  I agree with the pp about waiting until you find out all the details before abandoning your dream.  I was a caregiver to my father-in-law who had terminal lung cancer.  I did go through with my surgery and with the support of my husband and son, it all worked out.  I definitely have more energy now than before which has made a huge difference. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Barbara

Awwww I am so sorry to hear this!! Remember God does not give you more than you can handle and I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, yet sometimes we don't know why things happen when or the way they do, but they do!!  DO NOT stop your pre-op stuff yet, continue on as if you were still having surgery! That way everything will be done and if it comes down to a week or 2 weeks prior to surgery and you honestly do not feel that you are able to make that new transition yet because your sister needs you, then im sure that your surgeon will have no problem letting you reschedule or postpone your surgery for a later date!! I think that all of your labs and tests and everything are good for a year, double check to find out!!  You definately need to be there for your sister, but just take each day as it comes and if it was meant to be, it will happen!!  If not we are all here for you and you do not give up, there will always be another day to schedule that surgery!! Keep your chin up and stay strong!!
(((HUGS)))

Hey Lisa.... my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.   I agree just to keep going through the process and then cross the bridge when you get there and make the decision at that time.    Just a FYI after my surgery I was up and around  and going shopping three days after surgery (but not for long periods) so the down time really isn't that long but the energy level is down some to begin with.   A lot of ppl even go back to work after 2 weeks but you have to be careful with lifting and things of that nature for a while. Please keep up posted, we all care! Pam

Lisa, You and your sister are in my prayers.  I am so sorry to hear about this sad news.  My youngest brother was diagnosed with testicular cancer almost a year ago and we went through a very trying time with his illness. So I do know some of the feelings you are experiencing right now.  He is doing very well now though, so don't ever give up hope.  Prayer truly does work.  Always believe that. As for your surgery, I am going to agree with everyone else.  Take things as they come.  I only missed 9 days of work after my RNY and most of that time I didn't even feel like I had just had major surgery.  While I understand your feelings regarding wanting to be there for your sister, you have to take care of yourself as well and having this surgery is YOUR lifesaver.  If you go ahead with it, you will more than likely be able to take care of her as you are recovering yourself.  Just don't make any hasty decisions.  When you get all the facts and details regarding your sister's treatment plan and diagnosis, you will know what you have to do.  Till then just keep taking deep breaths and come here for a bunch of shoulders to lean and cry on. God bless you!! Hugs, Donna

Oh Lisa, my heart goes out to your sister and to you too! I agree with everyone else...keep working towards your surgery.  You can make a decision at the last minute about whether the timing is right or not.  It very well may be that you will be in better shape after surgery (a few weeks after) and better able to take care of your sister's needs.   Best of luck as your sister works her way through diagnosis and treatment.  We will certainly be praying for you both!

Hi and welcome to the NC OH Board.  I'm so sorry to hear of your sister's health problems.  My husband was dx with colorectal cancer in Oct. 2005.  He had radiation and chemo, surgery to remove the lower end of his colon and rectum and has a colostomy.  He is doing great now, with the exception of some issues with hernias and a bad back.  Needless to say, a diagnosis of colon cancer nowdays is not as is was years ago.  I will keep your sister and you in my prayers.   I agree with the previous posts; you need to continue the process of being evaluated for your WLS and at worst, maybe you will need to wait a few weeks if your sister needs you.  BUT, if you can go on and get it done, you'll be amazed at how quickly you will recover and start to feel better and stronger with more energy than you've had in years.  My surgery is THE BEST thing I have ever done for my health.   Take care and keep us posted!  God bless!  Alice

I'm so very sorry to hear of the difficulties that your sister and you are facing. Like almost everyone else, I have to say that I hope that you will consider continuing your journey and crossing the bridges as they come. I have to tell you that while I was more tired right after surgery, I have so much more energy and endurance than I have had in decades. Only you can make this decision, but remember that you need to take care of you so that you can be there to take care of your sister, your husband and your child.

God bless you and keep you both through this difficult journey you are sharing.

Warmest regards,

Barb