Do you accept your body?

I know that we all have body image issues, even those who have never had a weight issue. I know that I am probably as self critical now, if not more than I was before. I don't know if it's because when I look at myself now, I see the scars of my obesity instead of the obesity itself or what. I know that I'm more comfortable with my clothed self than I am with my unclothed self. I find that in some ways I want to 'cover up' or hide my arms, legs, tummy and tush more now than I did before. Maybe it's because they are obviously scarred. I'm not sure. I know that others tell me I look great, but often I find myself focusing on the negative. Just yesterday someone said how terrific I looked and that wasn't I lucky not to have all of those excess skin issues. When I took off my jacket, she said "OH!" I almost feel like I'm masquerading as a normal sized person.

I also think that in some part, I keep thinking that I'll wake up and be fat again.

I'm hoping with time that I will be more gentle and accepting of myself. I've decided that when I start to have negative thoughts about my arms, legs ... that I'll make myself look at 3 postives about how I look and try to add some about how I feel. Maybe that will help.

What is your experience? Are you able to accept your body? If so, what do you do to help yourself come to terms with the fact that you don't look like other people that are a 'normal' size.

Barb

I havent had surgery yet but I am so worried about that.  I look at myself now and think of how bad I look being big but I wonder if it will be any different once I loose the weight.  I will probably still be over critical of myself and my body image.  I know I will be happy being smaller and I will be able to do things that I couldnt do before but I dont know If I will ever truly be happy with my image. No matter what there will always be something for me to deal with.

It it's any cosolation, I'm happier with how I look now than I was before and most people would tell you that I had a pretty good self-esteem. I wore fashionable clothes and was generally comfortable around people. I don't know that I was much more uncomfortable than my sister who has always been a 'normal' size, but is heavier than she'd like to be now. When I'm dressed, I generally very comfortable with what I see. It's when I'm undressed or if I want to wear something that shows my arms/legs that I really seem to notice it.

Also, this is still all so new to me and the rest of us. I think it may get some better with time. I know that plastics are just not a viable option for me, so I need to find a way to like me as I am.

I have to say that I wouldnt trade how I look and feel now for anything ... not even CHOCOLATE! lol

Barb

It's interesting you bring this up.  I was listening to the radio this week and a Dr. was on there talking about her book "How to be Happy Without Being Perfect".  They were essentially discussing how women have such distorted issues about body image and their quest to be perfect.  It's interesting that back in the 50's, Marylin Monroe was the standard of beauty.  Can you believe she was a size 12 - 14?  She had curves and she was full bodied and GORGEOUS.   Where in the world did we get so off track that now these super skinny models are the standard?  The average model now is 5'11 and 105 lbs.  That's rediculous!    I do worry that once I have the surgery, I'll still have the same body issues I have now..just in a different way.  I've avoided taking long looks in the mirror for years!  Even fully inflated, my boobs have been pointing south since 9th grade.  I can only imagine what they'll look like once the air gets let out! 

Hi Lori Anne,

I have to say that while I have body issues now, that aren't the same as they were before. I also think that we as the radio show you talked about eluded to, we have unrealistic expectations ... I know that what my 'mind' thinks it should be vs what is, is sometimes very different. I also think that being bombarded by images of beautiful people, we skew our vision of what normal is. All that said, if I didn't have the excess skin, I now that I my porportions would be 'off', but that would be okay ... even the excess skin is okay, I just have to come to terms with it.

Thanks for sharing and I look forward to meeting you this weekend!

Barb

Now that I'm having to shop for new clothes having lost 70 pounds, I find that I'm paying  more attention to my body and yes, it may not be as "filled out" and I'm thrilled about that.  BUT, what I see now is the sagging skin, spider veins and my deflated breasts.  I'll still take all this and be healthy than fat, unhealthy and miserable.  This is something that almost all WLS patients must learn to deal with.  Many of us will not be able to afford plastic surgery to fix the skin problems so we need to focus on the positive changes instead of all the negative things that we see with our eyes.  Summer is coming and we will either be forced to stay covered up or just accept these new flaws and enjoy life.

As someone who's both obese and has had bilateral mastectomies and more than 30 subsequent surgeries, I don't think you could have found someone who hated her body more than I did. But four years ago I met this guy while I was out on my daily walk.  We struck up a conversation because we often saw each other on those trails, and we started walking together in the evenings and gabbing -- he was REALLY interesting!   After a couple weeks, he just stopped and said, "Hey, I'm flirting with you but you're not noticing.  What's the deal?"  I was 100% speechless.  Huh?  I could not possibly imagine someone would flirt with me!  For crying out loud, I was round as a peach, I had no breasts, and my body was a mass of scars! I stammered out something to that effect, and he whipped open his shirt to show a series of deep, ragged scars almost covering his entire torso.  It was his souvenir, he said, from fighting for Bosnian independence. "These scars are the smallest thing of our experiences -- smaller than a mortar shell and much smaller than cancer" he said.  "Do you really think that's what's stopping you?" He was right, of course: that wasn't what was stopping me.  And that's why he's still one of my best friends. In much of Europe and the Middle East, people don't treat fat women as contemptuously as here in the US.  In fact, I was the belle of the ball in Bosnia, and women were always trying to fix me up with their sons and grandsons!  In Turkey, they say "Ne kadar guzelsin!  Fistik gibi!" ("How beautiful you are! Like a hazelnut!")  And I just had to knuckle down and get used to the fact that Dutch men were going to flirt with me, no matter how ugly I thought I was.  Oh, the suffering of being flirted with by Dutch guys! Yeah, I'm not thrilled with my body.  But I don't hide behind it as much as I did a few years ago.

Wow, you have had a lifetime of experiences and have a great attitude about yourself.  Thanks for sharing. 

I understand this original post SO well. I've lost over 90 pounds and my legs and arms look like monsters. I honestly think my body unclothed looked better fat. While I'm absolutely thrilled to have lost the weight and I look MUCH better in clothes, it's a little hard to take to be honest. I really had hoped once I lost the weight that I might be brave enough to start dating again and I just don't know about that now. I feel bad that I feel bad, if that makes sense. Guilty somehow. This is such a tremendous gift and I'm so grateful and I know about the boost to my health and everything but I'm more self-conscious now than I was before.

I can relate to your response almost verbatum! I feel self-conscious about how I look and about 'appearing' shallow or somehow ungrateful.

I hope that this too will improve with time. Thanks for sharing and letting me know that I'm not alone in this.

Barb