An "interesting" first social outing since I've been a loser! A STORY!

As I mentioned yesterday at the Soirée, I was headed to a Christmas party last night... the first social event since I've had surgery and been losing.  Wow, was THAT an interesting lesson in sociology, psychology and a few other "ologies."  So when I left lunch, I headed out near the Angus Barn to Westgate to the Wide Shoe Warehouse. I found this really kewl pair of clogs with more heel that I usually buy due to my height and back issues... but dammit, they were leaving with ME (and are Soooo comfortable).  And so glad I bought them, because when I got back to Zebulon and stopped at Roses (looking for a pair of black pants I couldn't find at Lane Bryant's OR Catherine's at Brier Creek)... low and behold, the ONLY pair of black jeans was ONE pair, in MY size!  They were longer than usual (a rarity for me to find) AND said "instantly slims" (and they did)... so those new higher heeled clogs were just meant to be, cause when I put them on with those long black pants, I had legs for days~ (Side note:  Those jeans were meant to be mine. They had $22.97 on the tag, but when the girl scanned them, it kept bleeping as an error... she called about 5 times for a price check and folks behind me, and me, were getting REAL pissed because nobody was coming.  So this gal finally came and went in the wrong direction of where I told her I got the pants... even though there were no others over the to get and scan.  So she brought up a pair of black pants from the TODDLER dept. scanned them, and those pants were m.i.n.e. for $7!  LOL  Definitely worth the wait, at least for me... probably NOT for all those folks in the line behind me.) I pulled out a fitted tunic blouse that has some sequins I bought last year and never wore that had an unusually "plunging" neckline for me... put on my new $7 pants and tall clogs, refreshed my hair and makeup... and off I went!  I felt damn good and looked damn good.... I've read lots of posts on this and the main forum since joining OH about the reactions we get from family and friends as we become "losers."  It is particularly interesting the comments I've read about reactions by other women.   Well last night, I got my first "first-hand" taste of what is coming! First of all, once there, I learned that a friend of mine who lives right down the road had a lap band 4 weeks ago w/Dr. Moran... so that was kewl.  She lives next door to my friend who was having the party who had told her about my surgery.  So I told her about OH and our group and gonna try to get her involved and bring her to our Jan Soirée.  She's lost 25 lbs. so far, so the two of us were really being noticed last night AND feeling good about ourselves... and giving each other compliments all night! I hope we'll see her here posting soon too.

It was a small gathering... probably 30ish folks or so, but all of them with the exception of 2 people are practically life long friends.  Some of the gals are what I consider my "inner circle" of a girls nite groups we've had for about 10 years.  Up until earlier this year (when some things really PISSED ME OFF coming from my "friends" and I ceased having and participating for the most part), I hosted Girlz Nite Out every other week at my house and usually cooked some fabulous gourmet meal for them.  We've taken many trips together over the years (for which I've always been the coordinator and meal planner/grocery shopper, etc.) and spent many weekends at their places at Kure Beach and on the river in Belhaven a few times a year.  This is a group of 8 gals. (And we still all see each other, socialize and would do anything for each other in a nanosecond.) Well, last night we were all there but one.  One is my sister... so she doesn't count in this... (although when she walked in the door I happened to be standing right there and her mouth dropped and she said "Oh my God, YOU LOOK SO DAMN GOOD tonight!") As for the others, I was really surprised/hurt/mad/perplexed, etc. that there was virtually NO comment about my loss and how damn good I DID look, if I must say so myself!  (Y'all also know from yesterday I have little to no problems with self esteem. LOL)  There was a comment or so like "I can tell in your face."  None of them said, "Gosh, how much HAVE you lost?"  One of the gals who is now the largest one in the crowd said nada.  At first, weeks ago, she was asking lots of questions about doing it for herself and saying how happy/proud she was for me (and the first visitor w/her hubby the afternoon I came home from hospital).  We had "chit chat" conversations last night, but NO mention of my loss.  These are friends who know my inner secrets and nearly everything there is to know about me!   My sister's best friend, who was showering me with compliments all night... said "NOW WE'VE GOTTA FIND YOU A MAN!"  I told her I wasn't quite ready for all that, so she told me when I was "You just let me know woman, and we're going OUT to find you one... or two or three!"  LOL  She said "Anybody HERE interesting?" to which I had to chuckle, cause everybody there was married... and even if not, nobody there I'd have.  I've been hurt so many times,  I'll be happy and content living the rest of my life w/out a man, so that's not any front burner issue for me. She was cracking me up... On the other hand, these friends' husbands (thank goodness, not in earshot of the gals) ALL ga-gaed and complimented me several times during the night on how great I look... asked me how much I've lost and even questions about the whole thing, in other words, engaged in conversation about it and acted genuinely interested.     For the most part, most of the other friends there congratulated me and said really nice things.  As the night went on and everybody was having a few drinks (while I sipped on my "Lite" Grape Juice in a wine glass) and dancing started, I was right there in the middle shaking my booty too. I got a workout like I'd never gotten in the gym... sis even called me earlier and said she was SO tired from the dancing... but at parties before, after a song I'd have to sit and rest... but last night, I had a  WOW moment when I realized I'd been dancing for LOTS of songs and wasn't winded and ready to keep going w/out sitting down to rest. All in all it was a great night... except for the nasty weather.  I felt good and looked good.  I was one of few sober folks there by the end and the entire night, from the time I walked in the door till I left, was to say the least, "interesting."  I've always been a people observer (my favorite thing to do at the State Fair) so seeing first hand the reactions from folks to the "new me" was educational and pretty fun.  I really enjoyed myself and look forward to the NEXT time when there's even less of me.   I turn 50 next year and way back since 2005 and 2006 my psychic has been telling me that 2008 was going to be "Wendy's Year."  I'm looking so damn forward to the coming year I can hardly stand myself.   World, and Zebulon, look out, cause HERE I COME!  I don't give a rat's patootie what other folks say (or don't say) or think!  What matters is what is in MY head...  So, there's my story of my first "OUT"ing!  A real eye-opening experience...

YOU GO WENDY!!!!!! Loved your story and thank you for sharing it with us. It looks like to me Wendy you are shinning so shine on you  bright star shine.                                       Annie

Thanks for the wonderful story Wendy!!!! It was great and a fun read!!!

Darcie

Wendy, I spend some time each day looking at the before and after pictures.  Some of the ladies and gentlemen pictured look so entirely different that it's making me wonder if your "inner circle" recognizes you. I so happy for you!!  Men checking you out, getting conmortable shoes and clothes in a smaller size at a discount price--That's just down right awesome!!  You go girl!!  We are all proud of you!!        CosmicKelly :)    

Thank you for sharing that story ! I only have 2 friends - true/ close friends - the kind you trust with anything. They have been absolutely nothing but supportive. One works at my company and walks with me.  She tells me all the time what an inspiration I am to her .. I just shake my head and remind her, she's the one keeping me on my toes!   It's amazing sometimes to hear how other people see/ think of you.   I know for me, my weight was in some part used as a wall to keep people away and to keep from being hurt (like you - too much had been done).  One of the things I'm experiencing that I don't know how to handle is the attention. Using it as a wall, suddenly the wall is coming down and it's very very very scary.  So I say to you, hearing you talk yesterday at the party and then reading what you posted. You are definately an inspiration to me. Your personality is so wonderful. Outspoken, speaking your mind!  I know how disappointed you must have felt with the lack of mention from your close friends, but the way you handle it is inspiring.  Thank you so much for sharing!

Wendy -

First, let me tell you .... you are sooo right! You do look absolutely fabulous. I can just see you all dolled up in your smaller (and what a bargain) clothes in my minds eye.

I have shared your experience of being able to dance the night fantastic ... isn't it just wonderful to have the strength and endurance to do something that makes you feel so great?!

I have also shared the experience of having people who I care about and who I think care about me not acknowledge the "transformation" ... In talking with my counselor (and others), I've come to decide that their reactions, while somewhat painful to me, are really more a reflection of their own insecurities than they are about me. We've sort of upset their applecart since we no longer fit into the pigeon hole that they see us in ... maybe they were comfortable with us when we were heavier, maybe that aren't as comfortable with themselves as they see us slimmer, maybe they see it as a threat ... I'm learning that it's their problem ... That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, but it's not anything we are doing "to them."

I hope that things change and your friends become more comfortable with the new you. In the meantime, I'm glad that you are comfortable with the new you.

Barb

Wendy, I LOVE reading your posts!  they always make me laugh!   I'm so glad you had a great time and looked HOT!  Congrats!  Alice

Wendy, your shoes sound heavenly and the pants were obviously meant to be yours to.  Too bad your friends couldn't get past their own insecurities to share in your joy.  But, the men's reaction sounds honest, and certianly goes along with the truth...you look great!  I say, keep on dancing and celebrating the new you!