Crazy or WHAT?

Okay.. so I know that all of these drastic changes are a whirlwind for many of us.  I mean..  3 months ago I was looking in the mirror at a "fat girl".. that same "fat girl" I have been looking at for years.  Now, I look and see a girl who is "not so fat, but not so skinny" and some days I dont even recognize myself.  I will catch a glimpse of myself in the windows at school and think "wow.. I am really thin.. (for me anyway..)".  It is all very thrilling and confusing at the same time.   I even find myself resenting people now.  (Am I CRAZY?)  People who never gave me the time of day 95 pounds ago are suddenly all so interested in how I am doing and busy complementing me on how I look.  WELL... it just ticks me off.  I may look different, but I AM STILL ME!!!  Jennifer has not changed.  I still have my same personality, strengths, weaknesses and faith.  I am still Jennifer.  Just a smaller version.  I find myself having these crazy thoughts.  For instance..  I was in Taco Bell a few weeks ago.  The man (who was quite attractive) turned around and started talking to me.  All I could think was "I bet you wouldn't have spoken to me if you saw me 3 months ago"..  I do the same thing when men hold doors or try to be extra chivarlrous.  It honestly is making me CRAZY!  LOL Am I nuts here ladies?  Or does anyone else have these nutty type thoughts?   

Oh honey, can I ever identify!  That is one of the things I was thinking of when I said in my previous post that it is no wonder it takes our heads so long to catch up with [the changes in] our bodies.  I have to confess that one of the reasons that I chose this surgery was because I was tired of the rejection by otherwise perfectly nice men because I was obese.  I reminded myself that even obese, I was still pretty picky when it came to men, that there are certain things in a man that are a real turn-off for me, and I had to allow those that found my obesity to be a turn-off to have their preferences just as I have mine.  I am not so sure any more that they were as shallow and callous as I told myself they were.  I know that the majority of men in this country prefer slender women.  That is just the way it is.  I had to give up trying to change them and work on changing me.  And be OH SO GRATEFUL for the people and God who love me no matter what!

You are not crazy Jenn you are totally normal!!! one of my friends who I have not seen in a long time saw me last week and she couldnt beleive the weight I had dropped. Now all of a sudden all she is doing is talking about her weight and how she has been eating like a horse ect...its like she is mad that I am getting thinner while she has put on 12 pounds in two months... not my fault LOL my husband has started calling me skinny chick, I think its funny and I know hes happier with a smaller me as Im sure yours is keep up the great work Jenn and remember you are NOT crazy!!!

Love ya
Darcie

Jenn, you're NOT crazy, and If you are, I am too!  Just today I was thinking this same thing.  I've always been blessed (?) with a large chest.  Now that I've lost some weight, now and then a man (today it was the service avisor at Chevrolet place) looks me up and down, focusing on my chest.  They never did that before when they were big.  All I want to do is laugh to myself at how pathetic and shallow some of them can be.  Some of them actually make eye contact or smile now.  Kind of disgusts you, huh?  Someday I'll be able to proudly think "dream on"- but not quite yet.  I guess we're one step ahead of their game and they don't know it! lol Nancy

THIS IS JUST MY OPINION !!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I have came to the concousion that when it comes to men and women its as simple as this.    Men are visual. period. It is very hard to accept when you are a  "plus sized woman". I feel that I am an attractive, positive outgoing woman with very few insecurities. However although my confidence does attract more men then one would think, I do find that I AM the girl that the guys like to hang out with and if I were just not so large I would be a perfect package for some of these what we like to call shallow men. I hate it, I hate it,I hate it. Youe right in saying we are the same people just a bit smaller. I feel the same way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  but it iswhat it is. And thats why real, good, genuin men are hard to find. Why do most men feel that a woman can't be beautiful if they are not a "perfect" or "normal"size?   Women on the other hand look for security. Thats what usually turns us on. there is something about being comfortable (in financises) that makes a man seem more attractive. I'm NOT TALKING ABOUT BEING A GOLD DIGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm just saying being able to lay your head down at night and not worry about everyday bills (mortgage,electric,water,car,food, ect) does the same for us as a Dallas Cheerleader does for a man. This is not fair for a man either.  We call a man Shallow because we don't want to think that we might not be as attractive as we think we are or maybe they are just to blind to see it Men call us gold diggers because they don't want to think that they may not be able to live up to our standerds of what we think a man should be able to provide for us.  NOT ALL MEN AND WOMEN THINK LIKE THIS. JUST THE ONES I'VE RAN ACROSS. AND SINCE i CAN'T SAVE THE WORLD i'M TRYING TO SAVE MYSELF. As for women. ...........Well who knows why we act the why we do. I have not had WLS yet.(Dec 17) but I have already had other women say things that was off the wall. like,Did you know that you can die? I know someone who gained all their weight back......AND MORE, Your taking the easy way out, Are you doing this for you or to get dates?????WTF?????????? I need to lose weight too,you do it your way(wls) and I'll do it the right way(WTF?) and we will see who gets to goal first?  And my favorite. Well Courtney........You get your teeth whitened, nails done,hair colored,skin brightened,eyebrows waxed and now WLS..............a little vain are we?                                    ALL these comments were made by women. WHATEVER!!!!!!    Sorry for the rant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It makes me crazy too.

People I have not seen in a long time see me and bust out crying? "oh god Amy do you have cancer? No! What is wrong with you? I hit them with oh I am just anorexic and bulimic and by the way I suffer from major depression and bipolar............wanna see me go bipolar on your ass........I can be nice one second and the next cut your heart out. I don't want to be mean but I hear so much ****anorexic amy..........or skinny *****them are my 2 main names. My son calls me skinny ***** all the time. He is just playing. He loves every breath I take. He can call me that and get away with it. He sure does help me lots. My mind is almost gone at 43 years old. He will call me and get my head stright. I am so skinny and weak that I can't open most doors so men will have to open them for me. I drive my son's little lowered black honda. And the young boys will flurt with me until they see how old up close I am........Oh well at least people reconize!!!!!! amy

Hey Jen, You are quite sane dear!  That's just the way things are in this world.  Everyone is focused on outward beauty and not inward.  They think if I look like that (fat) then I must be messed up inside as well.  I didn't gain my weight until menopause soooooo, I knew what would happen when I lost weight.  I take great joy in putting on a big smile and telling those guys (ok dirty old men) "If you didn't want me when I was fat, you sure ain't getting it now!"  They get a good laugh out of that, but they know I am not kidding.  Besides, I live a Christian life, so they would have to marry me first anyways. Hugs, Diane

I also relate to this and voiced it a while back on the main board.  You are not nuts,  You are just hurt for the thousand's of Fluffy Sister's and Brothers out there that are overlooked as not good enough by narrow minded people.  Discrimination comes in all forms.  WHat is sad is alot of us never realized that we all have some form of it.  But since we have made a journey from the land of Fat or Fluffy, we can related to the pain, humiliation and just plain unfairness it is no matter what your race is.  There is certainly a biase in the work place and the sexual prowling that relates to dating and girl clic/friend clicks.  I am sure many of us that work in upper management can attest to it.  You can't take the fat girl seriously or ask her for drinks but now the "Skinny Woman".........  It makes us hurt and want to scream,  So natural for us to feel this way.  See we tried to be whatever we had to be to make people like us and include us..Now that we are emerging into a more understanding slim version and people all of a sudden notice us or include us not becuase we are the life of the party (honestly most of us where the ones, who volunteer to bring all the foods or acted like we didn't care so we would be fun and people would like us) we start resenting the fact that alot of times they weren't relating the person you really were inside.  Just the person we wanted them to see.   It hurts when I go to a ball game and see a really skinny girl with her overweight friend and the guys are all hanging around her friend flirting and treating a equally beautiful person as just one of the guys.  Or seeing that same OW girl acting as a go between for her skinny friend and a potential boyfriend who most likely she would love to date too.  It breaks my heart.  But for whatever reasons, natural or society enduced reasons the skinny girl wins out.  Sometimes I think the only way to stop this is by educating parents on what their eating habits and food shopping habits are doing to there children physicaly and mentally.  The creation of soda pop, dorito's, fat, sugar and grease ladden snacks was a hugh mistake for the health of our nation.  But we know how hard it is to fight an industry that has billions of dollars to promote itself.  Don't even get me started on kids just sitting around playing computer gamins or text messaging.  We are raising a lazy society with no concept of what it is doing to them mentally or health wise.  Ok off my soap box.

I have to ask... are you *really* the same Jennifer? I know I am not the same Jennifer as before... I am not drastically different but have noticed many small changes over the course of the past year++. I am much more happy... I carry myself better... I am a more positive person... I put more effort into how I look... I am more outgoing... I am more confident... there are many mores but those are a few. I have realized that before I made myself unapproachable by putting up a wall and sending out 'leave me alone' vibes... I never realized I did it until I lost weight and actucally wanted to talk to people because I no longer had the fear of rejection.  At first I did feel like you felt... resentful... guys would talk to me who I had seen a million times but never remembered meeting me... I realized I made sure I didnt make an impression because Id rather be forgotten by people instead.  Just another side of the coin :-)

Now that you point that out.. there are changes.  But changes for the better.  I have always been an outgoing person, fat or not.  So that really has not changed.  The changes in me have been where people really cannot "see".  I feel better about myself.  I am happier.. but people always thought I was happy before.   Maybe I should have said that the side of Jennifer that people actually see has not changed.