Out of the hospital...

Hi everyone!   As Barb mentioned that I am out of the hospital.   It was literally 24 hours and some change that I was sent home .  They said that  I did really well with surgery, and all my foods went down really easy.   So, they let me go home around 5:30.   I think my hubby was pushing it just as much too, because it was such a long ride for him to come back.    Last night, I ended up with 102.5 fever, and then today right at 101.   I called the Doc and he said that to keep an eye on things, and if my fever kept going higher...to give him a call back.   I am extremely sore.   Hard to walk around.   But, overall....everything has gone great!!   However, one thing that no one mentioned is what a strain it would be on your marriage.   My husband snapped at me on the way to the hospital, says it was because of lack of sleep.   Then, today, was frustrated with me about something else.   I mentioned that it might have been better by staying in the hospital an extra day and that maybe I should have stayed with my mom.   Because I know he is under a lot of stress with our 3 little ones back at home.   He is not really able to help me out because they demand so much.   He said that I was "beating him down".   I was and am very upset.   Because, here I am going into a MAJOR surgery and coming out at a record time from a major surgery and he gets irritated over the small things with me, and then proceeds to tell me how I am "beating him down" ONLY because I said it might have been better for everyone to stay a day longer or stay at my moms.    I am terrified of the next few weeks.   If he is frustrated with me this soon, what is going to happen in a few more days.    He is NEVER like this.   Do you guys have any ideas of what may be going on with him.   This is not his usual self.     Love to all, and thank you for your prayers!!! Caroline

Hi Caroline! So nice to see you home and on the losers' bench!  Please keep an eye on that fever.  And do keep walking. Gosh, I am sorry your husband is feeling testy.  May I suggest that you keep the focus on taking care of your own needs and making sure you get plenty of rest and recovery time?  I know it's hard to do, but I would keep my distance from him, at least emotionally, while you are both so stressed.  Remember, just because he says you were beating him down, doesn't mean you were.  You're both entitled to your feelings and you are both feeling needy right now and just for today, neither of you has much to offer the other in the way of support.  So I would suggest just circling my wagons for a bit and laying low and focusing on recovery. Is there anyone who could come help with the kids?  In a few more days, you will likely be feeling stronger and he will likely feel less stressed.  Try to take it a day at a time right now.  He was probably so concerned for you regarding having had surgery, that he doesn't know how to deal with it.  He may just need a little time to process his feelings and his relief that you are ok. Please forgive my long post and keep us apprised of your fever.  And please unload here any time!

Three little ones at home.  Hmmmm,  He has no idea what stress is if a few days is the only dose he has had of what you have had to take care of surgery or not.  Don't feel sorry for him or make excuses for him.  You need to be worried for you, watch your temp. and get your rest but do walk and drink fluids.  You just had major surgery, sorry hubby you can't be super mom for a few weeks.  Now it is time to make mom first.  No question that your children are first but for your health and this new rebirth of you, you must put your health and the success of this life change ahead up front.  It is important that you are healthy and recovering for everyone in your family.  Your children will be fine with you home but he should of know before this that this change is not just something you have to too succeed.  This a partnership with your family and family support was a major requirement with my Doctor for prospective WLS patients  to succeed.        But on the other side you say he is never like this, than maybe he was really scared for you and feels you'd be better home.  Some people are scared of hospitals and are afraid their love ones may not come out.  Maybe he is also scare cause now you have finally become a loser and he underneath it all might be worried you will change so much that you won't want him anymore.  He has problably heard the rumors or facts some people loose alot of weight and their relationships change.  It's true it does but alot of times it is for the better as I am sure yours will be.  When your little ones settle down tonight get him if you can to sit next to you and talk.  Tell him how much love him, how much his support means and how much you appreciate all his efforts, you know this is hard on him, also.  Tell him with this new change in your life you also want to add times like this were you can sit and be open and honest with him cause you love him so much.  Remind him that he was with you thru fat and he's going to be so proud of you thin and you love him for sticking with you thru all of this.  Tell how how much his support means and how much you are going to need it cause some days may be hormonally rough and you might take it out on him. but that doesn't mean you don't love him, just that you love him so much that he is the closest one to you and you feel comfortable in releasing your frustration in front of him.  Tell him not to mistake it as a dump on him personally cause it's not.  This is something that as woman with WLS go thru at any time.  It's not personal and to please forgive you ahead of time. It won't last forever.  Believe me, my Doctor had this conversation about what my emotional state could very well be after surgery and told him basically the same thing.  Things will be fine, just take care of yourself for him and your children!

Lynn! How nice to see you again!  You are doing FABULOUS!!!  Congratulations!  Please let us hear from you more often!

Welcome home Caroline!!! glad to see you back

Hugs,
Darcie

Glad things are going well surgery-wise..   All I have to say on the husband front is that men just cannot handle as much heat/stress as we can.  My husband wigs out when he has our two girls and one of them is 7!  LOL  He gets stressed out.  I just do not think men stretch as thin as us women.  :)   Rest and relax and walk!

Hey Caroline -

It's so good to see you up and around. I know that you are sore, but this too will pass.

I'm so sorry that your husband is having a hard time and is taking it out on you. As Suzanne mentioned, I really think you need to focus on taking care of you. I imagine that he is/was scared and overwhelmed. Just remember why you did this and keep taking care of yourself.

If there is anything I can do to lighten the load for you and/or your husband, please let me know. I'll be glad to make meals, do laundry, run errands, etc. Just let me know.

Please be gentle with yourself.

All the best,

Barb

 Hey Caroline

 

I’m glad you home and like everyone else have been saying keep an eye and the fever.

 

 

I think the husband is just tried and after he gets a good night sleep he will be fine.