Venting, what would you do? (long)

I had something happen to me today that I'm still fuming over and wanted to ask everyone's opinion on what they would do.   Sorry, I might ramble, but hey, it's DRAMA!!!!!! I worked with 2 other friends.  Both have transferred to another dept, yet still kept friends with some where I work.  *these are all women, yes, I know* During March of this year, I was placed in the position to be "boss" while her son was ill. My friend "B", I'll call her, was somewhat jealous and avoided me those 2 weeks, evidently she couldnt' handle that it wasnt her, and I let her have her space, I had enough to worry about than her drama. She also had some not-so-nice sideway looks and eyerolls when I was around. So, I decided that I didn't need friends like that who would not support me, and stopped talking to her, and vice versa. She didn't like who I had become I guess. We both have a mutual friend "A", who would like us to get back our friendship, and knows we do not speak.   I had told NO ONE at my work besides the boss, of my surgery plans.  On our drive TO the surgery, "A" calls to say hello, and DH mentions we are on way to Concord for my surgery.  I HAD told "A" of what I was doing, but not when. 3 days have passed and friend "A" calls today, I tell her I am ok, and a bit of what happened at surg. 5 MINUTES LATER>>>......."B" calls and I screen it, naturally, and she wishes me well.  My BP went thru the roof. I called "A" back and asked if she told her, she admitted it, and I went off on her and was almost crying and hung up on her. Then, "B" calls AGAIN and says I had no right to call the other girl and WHINE! (screened). This is why I am angry and hurt. 1.  I wanted nobody to know, it was MY business and didn't want my co-workers knowing and gossiping. 2.  I told only those that I thought were close friends whom I could trust. 3.  I did not want "B" knowing, I no longer am any of her business or what I do. 4.  "B" has a blabbermouth, and I guarantee within 5 minutes the line was burning, telling people I work with, so now they know. 5.  "B" was worried about "A", and how she was upset, what the heck about ME, who's 3 days post op with staples in her gut????  Like it didnt matter that this made ME upset??? 6.  My trust in "A" is gone, she had no business telling someone she KNEW  I would never tell this to, just out of gossip. 7.  So now, I am thinking of changing my home number and my cell.  I dont need friends like this taking up space in my head. 8.  I don't want to confront either one because I'm just too disgusted. 9.  AND FINALLY, I got thru this today without eating!!! WHAT WOULD YOU DO?????????????????? NANCY  

Nancy- I'm so sorry that this has happed to you! Just because people grow up doesn't mean they mature! Obviously, A & B are not considering your feelings about your own situation! JMO..I wouldnt changes my #'s but I would call "A" and let her know how she hurt you by betraying your trust. Dont let her argue with you, just make your point and end the conversation. "B" wouldnt be worth my time! Best Wishes!  

Nancy,  I agree with Wendy.  I would let "A" know how I feel that that she betrayed you but not let her argue the fact.  I wouldn't waste my time with "B" and I wouldn't change my #...  This too will pass and it would be a pain to have to give everyone else your new #'s.  I'm sorry this has happened to you.  Keep your head up high and just know you did this (WLS) for yourself and try not to let it get you down.    Take care of yourself girl!

Hey sheryl!!  Anytime you want to get together give me a yell.  Oh, btw, the person from Jax dispatch was first name ray. He quit about 3 weeks ago. nancy

Hey Nancy...  I met Ray a while back but didn't know him very well.  He seemed like a nice guy.  Did you spend much time at Dispatch?  My Mom was the lady at the front desk of the EOC (Emergency Operations Center)...  Small world.   As for getting together...  Oh, I'll just PM you.. .lol!   Have a good night!!!

Since you asked, I always have an opinion.   Personally, I totally understand not telling anyone, but the people you work with know you've taken time off.  They're gonna see the weight falling off of you and they're gonna gossip about how it's happened.  It should have been your choice who to share it with, but it probably would have come out anyway.  I wouldn't change my number over this.  If you feel like it's bad, can't you have their numbers blocked?  Just an aside.  You have found that you can't trust "A" with information that you don't want "B" to know.  I'm not sure that means you have to throw away the friendship, it just means you need to remember that when conversing.  Stick to topics that are safe.  I guess I'm not a big fan of burning bridges unless it's necessary.  I don't mean that you should be best friends with this person, but I guess I would just make sure she understood why that was  unacceptable, then let it go.  I am the "non-confrontational" type for the most part though.  Either way, I think I'd take a day or two to cool off before you make a decision over course of action. Good luck with whatever you choose to do. Take care. Ellen

     See, now that pissed me off too. Of all the people "A" chose to tell, she told the one person that you really did NOT want to know. "A" knows how you feel about "B" and should have kept it zipped!      With that said, I have to agree with Ellen on giving yourself a few daze to cool off. While "A" should definately know how you feel about her betrayal, you're still recovering and feeling bad enough without this crap to deal with...so don't. Atleast, not yet.      Take the time to heal and deal with the stuff that really matters. "A" will be there to deal with later. If she is a friend at all, she should be calling you and apologizing for her behavior. As for "B?" Psssst - who cares? She dissed you over something so ridiculous, she couldn't have valued your friendship anyway.       Sorry, friend. It hurts when we trust someone only to find out that we cannot. Chin up! You still have us!!!! Mare     

Nancy, I am so sorry this happened. Hold your head high and do what you feel is right for you. It is sad that people get a kick out of telling someone's personal and confidential information.  Your situation got me thinking about how I'm going to deal with going back to work in two weeks. I told one person and she said people are already making up reasons why I'm out and weight loss surgery is one of the rumors. I think Ellen is right that people are going to know when they see us. I haven't decided how to handle it when they ask. They are all so nosy and I know will ask point blank if I had the "surgery". I keep flip flopping on whether to just come clean and tell everyone or just say I had some personal health issues that required me to be out and I'm working with my doctor on them.  I didn't mean to hijack your post with my own issues. Don't let this consume you. They really aren't worth the stress.

Jennifer

Sorry this happened to you Nancy. This is the number one reason the only person that will know about my WLS is my Husband. I work at home so no one will *see* the big change. I dont hang out with a group of friends so no worries there either. I know what it is like to be amoungst a group of ******** and Im sorry that happend to you. If you need to talk you have my number, or if you want to get together and talk I am here for you.


Darcie

Ok.   Katt- dont feel bad, you didnt' hijack, lol I don't work summers, school system 10 mo. employee, so they wouldn't notice the absence.  As for the explanation when/if I start to get smaller, I'd probably just say I did it with a lot of hard work and be vague (sp) like that.  "A" does know how I feel, I was sure to tell her.  I am not going to deal with it right now, I'm trying to deal with getting better, any surgery takes you for a loop.  I'm really tired today and having dumping issues already,  at 11am.  I just want to feel like my old self again, but I know that will come, with time.  I'm gonna' hit the bed again, I've got 10 protein already and it's all I can do. Thanks for your responses, I was hoping it wasnt me being oversensitive. Nancy