Not Sure What To Say Here

This is a bit of an odd question, but it's something I can't get my head around... What will I do with me if I'm not the BBW? I have never been slender in all of my life. I'm scared to death I'm gonna end up some scrawny 5'8"  pole. I'm sure that those of you who had been slender and then became obese think I'm nuts!  Well I am, but anyway...  I'm not scared of the complications, the 'Death Risk' or the procedure... It's the 'after the weight is gone' part. This has been my identity my ENTIRE life. I have always taken pride in my size and shape. I have always been healthy and loved the curves I was blessed with. I'm not happy with the last near 100 pounds I've slapped on from taking all this medication. I had a shrink tell me to deal with being fat or go to prison for killing someone by being off my meds.  Yes, I can get a bit angry... quickly. I'm not mean or malicious, I just don't handle BS well and I have a sassy mouth and quick fist.( Thanks, Daddy!) No tolerance policy since birth!  Anyway, it's like I'm losing ME. My goal is what some of you start at and it completely boggles my mind. I have no desire to be a size 2, 4, 6, 8 or even a 10!  Why am I doing this then? Because I want to be able to play ball again, romp my son. I want to be able to better control my bipolar and not gain 6-10 pounds a month depending on how medicated you are.  I just for the life of me can't imagine being 'small'.  Scares the hell out of me!                                                          

You are Who you are. If you loose 100 you will be the same person with the same outside problems.but...you will be  healthier to face all these problems. I have thought of this myself and have concluded that I as a person will not change. My confidence is already high but it may become higher...I'm .not shy...AM..smart.....out going...   all of this may increase a little but not change. BUT you will be able to find clothes ANYWHERE (can't wait) be more mobile..the list goes on and on. You will have control with your DR. help not to be a Size 2.( I don't want that either) It will be the ride of your life and it will make you healthy to live much , much longer. Well that i just my humble opinion.  But we know what opinions are like........and everybody has got one....TEEEE heeeee Don't worry...beeeee Happy Good luck Myrtis

I like opinions! That's why I signed up on OH. Trust me, I ain't shy either!  It may be that I don't lke shopping so I worry about getting smaller!  Will you shop for me? Where's my 'Girl' gene?   Hugs

Shawana- I think your getting some "jitters" about your date coming up. If your naturally "curvy" by your bone structure..you should retain some curves being thinner. There are a lot of thinner women with beautiful curves. Look forward to the freedom you'll have from the weight that has trapped you!

I'm a pretty strapping framed person. We are Amazons!  I'm soooooooo sure I have jitters. I just don't want to be sick looking. We all know how some seem to become anorexic and that worries me. I know I am stronger than that. Just one of those thoughts where you have too much time to obsess on it. I've seen people say they have gotten a taste of skinny and are not going back and then they just keep losing. Just amazes me how we think at times. I'm not scared to lose around 130 pounds... it's after that when I freak out. Oh! I'll have to buy some curves... I swear I'm the only fatgurl with no boobs! Hugs

Believe me you are not the only fat girl without boobs.  I am in that club too.  I have been fat and I have been thin.  I felt more confident and sexy as a slender person.  I was thin for about 10 years and I have been fat again after the 10 years of slender for the past 12 years.  I have lost 82 pounds so far since my RNY and I am feeling great.  I went out and bought some clothes this past week and that was the best feeling being able to buy regular size clothes.

82 pounds is fantastic! I'm glad to hear it has worked so well for you. Enjoy being slender and sexy wearing those new clothes! Hugs

I have had some of those same thoughts.  Keep focusing on being healthy and not a size 10.  :)

I'm focused on health. I'm excited I'll get to play ball again... and BREATHE while I do it! Dang, does this mean I will have to buy some shoes that tie? I'm such a croc and flip flop nut I don't think I can take a 'real' shoe again!

Shawna, I had the same thoughts as you, so you're not going crazy... lol!  I was always the Big girl and seemed to have that role with my family and friends.  I never let me weight stop me from doing what I wanted to do and I was accepted for me (I was lucky).  I found that as I lost the weight I felt much much better and had more energy to do what I wanted to do.  My family (specially my Brother - he thought I was fragile - lmao!) anyway, they had a hard time trying to figure out how to treat me until I sat them down and just told them to treat me as always - my Brother punched me in the arm at that time and knocked me on my behind - that was funny!  But everyone started treating me like always and it got so much better!  I had to get it in my head that I had WLS to become healthier and feel better and I do - more than I thought!  Anyway, it's a rollercoaster of a ride after WLS but it's so much fun!!!  Trust me when I say that you'll enjoy your new life, you wont miss the weight and there is life after WLS!  I never wanted to get to a size 2 either (I would love to get to a 10 or 12 for sure!)...   Take care girl!