DATING AFTER THE SURGERY

HI ALL, I REALLY DON'T KNOW IF SOMEONE ELSE HAS TALKED ABOUT THIS ON HERE OR NOT... I AM REALLY HAVING A PROBLEM SEEING MYSELF ANYTHING  OTHER THEN LIKE WHAT I WAS 2 YEARS AGO.417LB AND NO LADY WOULD HAVE ANYTHING DO DO WITH ME CAUSE OF MY WEIGHT. ALOT HAS CHANGED IN MY LIFE SINCE MY WEIGHT LOSS,BUT THAT ONE THING...DATING.BEING BIG AND DATING JUST DON'T WORK VERY WELL,HUH? I KNOW IT DIDN'T FOR ME.EVRYONE SEEN THE OUTSIDE OF ME AND NOT MY HEART. I REALLY THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE ONE THING THAT WOULD CHANGE AFTER THE SURGERY.. NO LUCK! I KNOW I AM A GOOD PERSON. I WORK EVERY DAY. I TAKE VERY GOOD CARE  OF MY KIDS ALONE.  I WAS JUST HOPING SOMEONE COULD TELL ME WHY I STILL FEEL 417LB AND NOT 200LB?MORE SO,WHY I THINK OTHERS SEE ME THIS WAY.THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT EVERYONE.JUST HAD TO GET THIS OUT...

James - It sounds like you are a wonderful man and father. You have taken the steps to better your life and your children's..that is very admiral! I think you just haven't found the right person yet. You have to have confidence in yourself and your accomplishments. I don't know what it's like to be very heavy and then lose a great amount of weight...but I can understand how you are perceiving yourself as still being large. I was thin growing up and into my mid 20's...I wonder who the fat girl in the pictures is? LOL I know that I am obese and I do feel like it most of the time but it really hits me when I see a picture of myself. I believe that beauty comes from the inside and I hope one day soon..someone will see you for who you are! Best Wishes!

That's a fairly common problem we all face.  We all go through a time where our heads just haven't caught up with our new bodies.  Being aware of it is half the battle. My thoughts on the subject are to walk with your head up, square your shoulders, be confident and proud of who you are and what you've accomplished.  Women respond to a confident man, not a domineering man, just one that knows who he is and what he is capable of.  Keep looking, I'm sure there's a woman out there who can, and will, appreciate you for who you are on the inside as well as who you've become on the outside.  Also, don't be afraid of a little counseling to help with the body image issues.  Counselors are, and have always been, very helpful to me.  Good luck. Take care. Ellen

Hi!  I totally understad what you mean!  I went a little crazy about 3 years after WLS and dated a lot!  I didn't date much before my WLS so I figure I was just making up for lost time... lol  Just know that you're not the only one who feels like they still weigh the same as pre WLS, it took me a long time to get my brain wrapped around the "new" me.  For the longest time I'd go clothes shopping and head right for the plus size and just hope that they'd have my size, then I realized I could shop in the "regular" sizes and go try on clothing.  It was weird!  You sound like a good guy and I'm sure there will be someone special for you, just give it a little time!  Sheryl WLS 08/22/2002 395 high/177 low/160 goal

James, I see you are from Hildebran!  That is very cool.  I lived there from 1993-1997 when my father Pastored there. I graduated from East Burke before going on to college at Furman.  It is very cool to see someone here from that area.  As for your posting, everyone above is so right.  My take on this is that you teach other people how to perceive you and treat you.  If you are self confident in a healthy way, and know that you are proud of your accomplishments, then that right person that is perfect for you will take notice and be drawn to that.   About four years ago I lost a hundred pounds and still thought I was the same size as I was before.  It was because my body and I were disconnected emotionally.  It was almost like my inner self was fighting against this body that I had.  I hated it and could not praise myself of love myself for the accomplishment that I had made. Counseling has taught me to be loving and kind to myself and to love all the wonderful things about me and the body that I live in and to have compassion for myself when I need to.  I am still learning this. I am only beginning my journey with WLS, so I am no expert, but find yourself and all the wonderful things about you.  Love and have peace with your life as it is, and then that perfect one will come running.  This journey is all about you!!  (Now, in two years you may have to remind me that I said that.) J Only my two cents worth.... Take care and congratulations on such an incredible accomplishment!! Candice

THANKS FOR EVERYONE POSTING NICE THINGS... I WILL DO MY BEST TO LOOK AT ALL THE GOOD THINGS.I AM THANKFUL FOR MY KIDS AND GIVEN THE CHANCE TO BE A PART OF THEIR LIFE AND RUN AROUND THE YARD AFTER THEM AND WITH THEM.THAT IS SO GREAT! IT IS JUST I STILL HAVE THAT SAME LONELYNESS I HAD BEFORE AND I HATE THAT FEELING. I HAVE MY NEW LIFE AND STILL HAVE THAT LONGING TO HAVE SOMEONE TO SHARE IT WITH. GOING UP TO SOMEONE AND TRY TO TELL THIS LADY HOW I FEEL ABOUT HER...THAT IS WHEN I FEEL AS I AM THIS OLD FAT GUY I USED TO BE. I MESSED UP AGAIN IN MY LIFE... I GOT BACK WITH MY EX-GIRLFRIEND BACK IN DEC. WELL, IN JAN. I FOUND OUT WE WERE GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD.THE BABY IS DUE IN OCT.  NOW FOR THE GOOD PART! SHE LEFT ME LAST FRIDAY AND TOLD ME I WOULD NEVER SEE MY DAUGHTER WHEN SHE IS BORN. NOW I HAVE TO GO TO COURT AGAIN LIKE I DID WITH OUR SON WHEN HE WAS BORN IN FEB.03.  I AM SORRY EVERYONE, JUST DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO TO TALK ABOUT THIS THING. ALL I HAVE HERE IS MY KIDS ( TWO 4 YEAR OLDS AND ONE 3 YEAR OLD) WE REALLY DON'T HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO TALK WITH. SO, THAT IS WHY I WAS OM HERE. THANKS FOR EVERYONES NICE THOUGHTS THOUGH.  LATER, AND EVERYONE HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!