when people mean well

Went to my curves today and met the owner. She was helping me around the curcuit  and she asked me had I really thought about having gastric by pass. She is a nurse and said she has seen alot of complications. I told her I have had three years fighting the system and 3 years to think about it. I told her I was aware of the risk and or complications and I feel this is the best thing for me at this time. I know she ment well but how do some of you post ops deal with people like this?                                                       Annie

The people in my life who have had RNY have been amazingly successful.  To be honest, I have prayed about this ALOT.. and I have a peace about going full steam ahead with the surgery.  I honestly ingnore comments like that because I KNOW I am doing what is best for me and my family.

Annie, I have experienced some of this kind of attitude as well even though I haven't had surgery yet.  Kudos to you on your response to her.   I think most people are thinking about years ago when surgical techniques weren't what they are today and I believe that most people in general just aren't as knowledgeable as we are (even if they are nurses!).  Sure, some patients do have complications but most do not and I think everybody hears more about those that do have problems than those that do not.  So don't let this kind of negativity give you pause.  YOU know what is best for YOU and YOU are doing this for YOU and no one else.  Just smile and ignore them.  That's what I tend to do.   Hugs, Donna

Hi - Congrats on your journey. I am almost 18 months post op.  I found that people loved to share horror stories of a cousins brothers sisters friend, etc who died, was maimed, etc.  It was just like Child birth stories.  At one point I just smiled and just tuned people out.  My mind was made up to have gastric bypass and there was no changing it.  So, I tuned people out.  The best thing you can do right now is surround yourself with people who are supportive and will give you positive feedback.  The support system you build will get you through the toughest times. Now, with that being said.  I've encountered my fair share of haters.  I learned to let them roll off my sleeve.  My current beef is when someone tells me to eat, that I'm getting too thin.  My response is, you wouldn't tell me to stop eating that I'm getting too fat so why is it ok to tell me to eat because I'm too thin.  As if there's such a thing as too thin for a formerly obese person. I find that I have to close off the world and limit who I let in.  I do not want to be the spokes person for RNY or my surgeon.  I want to eat a piece of cake if I chose without the food police interrupting me.  All can be done in moderation.  My siblings were my biggest group of doubters.  Even with my recent complications (which I won't share) they were negative, with the I knew this would happen, etc.  We don't know what would happen, we cannot predict the future.  We can take a chance and go from there. Please know you are in the right place.  You will be learning how to replace one set of life style problems with a healhtier set.  i basically didn't have the discipline to do this without the surgery.  I am glad I did it.  Please message me if you have any questions as I will share my experience, the good, bad and ugly with you.  Jen

You handled it perfectly. I chose not to tell anyone because of this negative response. If I have complications, then I knew that going in. I agree with the poster that some people put their two cents in saying they knew someone that died or gained all the weight back and how exercise and portion control are the only things that work. They have never walked in our shoes and if they had it wouldn't be said. It kills me that people are so judgemental about things they have no clue about.  Sorry about the tangent but man this kind of thing burns me... I have two good friends that I can't tell because of the judgements.  Jennifer

Annie, I feel like there are 2 kinds of people who have trouble with bariatric surgery: 1. The skinny ones who have never lived as an obese person 2. The ones that whish they could have it done. Keep your chin up and know that we are here for you!  Complications or not, you know this is the best choice for YOU! Lori PS.  I just don't tell anybody!

I KICK 'EM!!! No, seriously. I am very open with people too, if the subject comes up. Everyone thinks they know more than you do about a procedure you have studied closely for a long time before deciding this is best for you. What do they know? The horror stories they've read about or seen on tv? Right. No one ever likes to talk about the positive effects of the surgery.  Yes, there are risks. There are risks with everything. I would rather take the small risk with WLS than the risk of dying young from a massive heart attack, or be crippled up with arthritis and diabetes. If I don't have surgery I am guaranteed some kind of major cardiac episode. Maybe not today, or next week, but it's looming out there.  Ask them this: If you had cancer and they found a cure, would you want that cure? Of course you would, because without it, you'll die! Same scenario. I know people probably mean well, but they really have no idea.  I met a girl once in a doctor's waiting room that was taking Phen Phen when they took it off the market. She was sooooooo upset. She said "So? It makes holes in my heart! They can fix my heart...it's my a** I can't fix!" Well, now they can. I'm sure wherever she is, there's another WLS success story. Tomorrow's Friday people1 Have a terrific weekend and let's pray for some rain. (Here on the coast anyway.) Love Love Love MAry Ann

I KICK 'EM!!! LMAO.. that is so funny!  I needed a good laugh this morning!!! 

Hi Annie, I was surprised when my best friend was the only one who truly didn't support me having this surgery.  She was terrified of complications.  Now that I am over 3 months out and have lost 70 lbs she has come around and admits this was the best thing for me.  My family never supports any of my decisions, so I told them after I was a month out.  There response was shock and "I would never do anything so drastic."  (that's nice for them! LOL)  You can add by telling people that 150,000 Americans have this surgery annually.  It's very common these days.  This surgery has been performed for over 20 years, so relax already.  We know what we're doing here.  Is it guaranteed? Absolutely not  ... many do and will gain back their weight.  This surgery has improved my life 10 fold.  I am so thankful in so many ways. Blessings, Diane

ok, everyone who has thrown up since surgery -- raise your hand! technically, you've all had a COMPLICATION. see? the naysayers were right!!  two things i know -- nobody else knows my life like i do and nobody knows what the future has in store. there are a few decisions in life that require a leap of faith. this was one of mine. maybe you could say "thanks so much for your kind thoughts. now, what personal medical issues do you have that you'd like me to give you my opinion on?"