OT post regarding obesity/employment and living in NC (somewhat lengthy)

Please excuse the intrusion into this off topic post. I got the idea that I could get some advice from people living actually living in NC for a truer picture/answer to my question and would appreciate your honest advice. I am a soon-to-be 47 y/o super mordibly obese (approx 400#) female currently living in Las Vegas, NV and considering a life style change and move to NC (most likely Charlotte or Ral/Dur area). I was wondering if you can tell me if my size (primarily, but there is of course my age to consider, also) would prevent me from finding meaningful employment (I am basically a clerical person who hopes to get a government/university job; I worked for the State of CA for 12 years and the State of NV now for 14+ years). I'm no beauty queen but I am clean and able to dress appropriately for the job. It isn't as though I am a professional who would be headhunted for a position. I presume I would most likely have to move to NC first and hope to secure employment, which from the city data forum seems dicey as it is. Being single, I have to rely on myself for living expenses. Also, can you tell me what it is like to live 'large' in NC. I'm not necessarily out to look for Mr. Right, but would like to know about fitting in (pardon the pun), generally. I'm used to eating out by myself, go to a movie, etc., but that's kind of easy to get away with here because of the casino culture. It is possible to meet people or do my own thing solo in NC w/o turning heads? I am considering WLS and my doctor is willing to put in the referral. I have already done the nutrition counseling. However, I am riding the fence post about the surgery itself. I feel my current weight could pose problems, and even though I am insured, I'd still be out of pocket around $15K - Yikes! I also worry about post-surgery behaviors. I'm very unhappy in Vegas (grew up here; moved to CA; moved back with daughter who is now in college) and think maybe a change of pace is a potential answer. North Carolina with its seasons and relatively mild weather and environmental/cultural offerings seems very enticing. I keep thinking maybe I could hit some nice walking trails and lose some weight. It's like my mind is screaming that I should try 'just one more time' before I take the drastic step of surgery... Or, do you think it would have to be surgery first, possible move later? Well, I'm rambling now. Thank you in advance for any advice or suggestions/support you can give me. I appreciate it. Felicia

Hi Felicia. I wanted to say hi and maybe welcome to NC. I cannot speak to the work or dating scene in the triangle since I live in Greenville. However, I moved here from Virginia a year and a half ago and love it. I was 380 when we moved here and never felt particularly judged. There are a lot of big people in NC where our motto is if you can fry it, we will eat it. I mean no disrespect of course, but my point here is that the culture is very different in NC than in other places I've lived. At least in the Greenville area it is. The people are much more friendly and accepting. It is humid here part of the year, but the climate is very temperate and we love living closer to the beach again. We're about an hour away. Good luck with your search and take care. ~Ellen

When I worked for Cigna Health Care here in NC I learned that NC, FL and TX were the top states (this was about 3 years ago) for people having WLS thru Cigna... soooo needless to say that would point to a lot of overweight people here I found I never had a probelm fitting here when I weighed 288lbs @ 5'7"... in Florida we had a very active BBW/BHM scene so I was use to always going out and doing. It was kind of a shock moving here because there wasnt one so I was more "on my own" when it came to going out... I never was made to feel uncomfortable or stared at or anything places I went. If you feel like you need to give it one more try - then give it one more try... I first learned about the surgery when it became big with Carnie Wilson... I have friends that are 6.5, 6 and 5.5 years out... back when they had surgery I thought they were crazy - I felt like they could do it if they wanted and were taking the easy way out... I said - Ill show them!!! I lost 100lbs over 2 years by diet pills... well needless to say as soon as the diet pills stopped the weight came back... I tried adkins, south beach, weigh****ers, working with Drs etc etc... I woke up one day and realized I HAD tried everything and I couldnt do it on my own... that took me 5 years. I think you have to really sit down and look inside and make the decision... if you feel like youd like to give it another try then do so... it all takes different things for us to reach the point of making the drastic decision of WLS. Good luck!

NC is great. I've lived in Florida and was born in Louisiana. No where else have I found such support and acceptance. I work in Information Technology and got my roots in clerical work. There are many super morbid obese people working in these fields in NC. I'm not familiar with the triangle area but Charlotte is HOT with jobs right now. Especially office work and IT. For me, Charlotte is ideal because it's very diverse with a mild climate. It's within 4 hours from the beach and 2 hours from the mountains. Our winters are usually mild but you may see the occasional ice storm or snow flurries. I think you would love it here! There are many great surgeons in the Charlotte area but one of the most known is Roc Bauman in Concord which is just north of Charlotte. If you are moving to the area I recommend you live in Cabarrus, Rowan or Iredell county. Tax rates are much lower in these counties versus Mecklenburg (Charlotte). I think you'll also find that surgery is cheaper here. $15k out of pocket with insurance sounds quite high to me. However, I have chosen not to have surgery. If you are thinking you should give it one last try before having surgery then I urge you to do so. That is exactly how I felt when I started in March. I was 330 lbs and steadily increasing. At my height of 5'7" I was considered super morbidly obese. I really wanted WLS because I thought it was an easy way out but I started researching it further and realized it's no easier than doing it on my own. In fact, it may be even more difficult initially. I'm still 5'7" but just this morning I hit 298.5 lbs. That's over 30 lbs in two months. If I continue at this rate I will have lost about 90lbs in 6 months time! I believe that's similar results to what WLS will give you. The only difference is I have to discipline myself to not overeat. It's very, very hard and I don't have the luxury of dumping or getting sick from overeating. Instead mine turns to fat. I've messed up so much during these past 2 months but I've been using a support group and OH to keep me on track and it's working. If I had followed my plan to a T I probably woudl be down 100 lbs now. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's not impossible to lose the weight and you can do it without WLS. WLS is a wonderful thing and it is usually a sure thing to lose the weight. When you do it on your own there's always that chance of quitting or failing. Whichever path you choose you will eventually have to change everything about who you are food and exercise wise. WLS will get you over the hump for sure but if you don't change your habits you'll regain most if not all of your weight back. Do lots of research. Pray, meditate or whatever it is that you do and find a support person or group! Start today, don't let anything hold you back! Even if you do decide to have WLS you're still going to have to lose weight before the surgery. I am a very active member of the Non-Ops board here on obesityhelp.com. We would love to have you over on the dark side! There are many people on the non-ops board who have failed with WLS or have had to have a reversal. There are even those who have suceeded with WLS and are 2+ years post-op. There's a wealth of knowledge there and I think it would be very beneficial in helping you make your decision. Be sure to visit the various WLS boards like RNY and Lap-band. There are tons of knowledgeable people there who can help you to come to a decision as well. In my experience I have found everyone on this site to be very supportive no matter what your decision is.

you don't have the "luxury" of dumping or being sick? gee, chris, i find that a little insensitive of you and actually offensive.

I apologize. I did not mean it that way. I'm sure it's probably not a very rewarding experience. However, I regard it as a luxury because it's like having steel sleeves put on a heroin addict. Do you know what I mean? For me if I overeat or eat fatty foods they just absorb and go straight to fat, with some or most people who have had WLS they experience the dumping or getting sick for lack of better words. That's all, it's more that I'm envious rather than distasteful.

congrats on losing weight...however....be careful how strongly you talk. it has been shown that only 5 percent of obese people lose the weight...and KEEP IT OFF. i hope you do. i hope you are the 5 percent. Most of us have lots tons of weight tons of times before deciding on the surgery. i'm almost 2 years and out and have definitely made the right decision. keep up your good work but do not discourage people from the surgery. i'll never suggest it to someone but highly encourage it if they ever bring it up to me. by the way..educate yourself...if we eat too much it turns to FAT....we do not have the luxury of "dumping" to lose our weight. we have to have perhaps even more discipline than you because we make ourself sick enough to have long term effects if we do not properly and take our vitamins. your posting really was offensive...although i'm sure you did not mean it that way. have a good day susan

It's true I have no true understanding of what you go through, just what I read about on here. For me dumping and the getting sick would be a godsend. Perhaps I'm a bullemic at heart or something, but I've always wished I could just throw-up after I've gorged myself on whatever delicacy I chose. In most of the posts I've read from WLS patients they too regard the dumping syndrome as a blessing. That's probably like a 50/50 split I suppose... Anyway I do know about the rates of success and I have probably lost 2-3 times my body size in my lifetime only to gain it back. We all have similar stories. What's different for me now is now I am older, more educated and more self-aware of what I do to myself. Before I used to work work work my butt off to lose the weight but once I lost it I quit and of coursed gained it back. Always I cursed my genetics and various other things I could find to blame it on but honestly it was me doing it to myself. Sorry for the offense everyone, none intended.

no hard feelings and i really do wish you the best of luck

Hi Felicia - I'm a transplant from the San Francisco Bay Area's Silicon Valley to the Raleigh/Durham area of North Carolina. I must say that obesity and super-obesity is significantly more common here than it is on the west coast. There seems to be a greater cultural acceptance of this particular issue of diversity. I doubt that your obesity will hinder your quest for employment. While the weather is considered mild, you should be aware that this is the southeast, and that means HUMID summers. The humidity really has taken some getting used to. When you are used to low to moderate levels of humidity as those who are blessed to live in CA and NV are you may find that the humidity here really requires an adjustment. I am hoping that my ability to function in the heat and humidty will improve some with the weigh loss. I am 49 years old. I doubt that your age is likely to be an impediment to WLS and honestly, I can't speak to your weight because my starting weight was 250lbs and I'm 5'6" tall. I am currently going through the program at Duke. DukeWLS.com. UNC Chapel Hill also has a wonderful program and there are several others in the area. I think that you really need to research WLS in all of it's forms as well as other options to determine if it is a viable option for you or you will have a better long term health outcome with more traditional wieght loss methods. I wish you all the best ... whatever your decision. Barb