Report card for a support group...

OK. Im not sorry if I offend anyone about this but I have to say it. Ive been to just one support group meeting and I was amazed at the people there. One woman who was probably one of the biggest women Ive ever seen stood up to tell us she was going to have this surgery because of health issues only and that she would do her very best to maintain her "womanly figure" after surgery. Yes she meant that she was going to try to not lose weight. She then proceeded to tell the rest of the group that she wasnt fat, just "big boned". Later in the hour she put her foot in her mouth again , telling the group that she wasnt a fat pig, like the rest of us... All this coming from a woman who was probably the biggest person in the room. BTW she is approved for surgery (according to her) and will have it later this month. Another woman had been approved for surgery twice and had backed out both times, once after being admitted to the hospital for the surgery and just moments before they sedated her. And she is back thinking about it again. From talking to her I could tell she had no intention of getting this surgery this time either. I also found out that the past two surgeons she had tried to get to do her surgery have banned her from their offices. I couldnt help but think of how hard it was for me to jump through all those hoops to get approved for my surgery and she has done it all twice now and is in the process of doing it again. Another woman was 16 days out from surgery. Sitting behind her and to the side I could see that she was constantly chewing on something. Later I found that she had a BIG MAC in her pocket book and was taking a bite when she thought no one was looking. She also had a vomit bag and was using it too. Why have this surgery if you arent committed to trying to change your lifestyle and eating habits? Overall I think I am definitely doing better and am more prepared than almost everyone in that support group. There were several people who were following their care plan to the letter and were doing very well but there were also a lot of people who never should have wasted their time on this as they are doomed to failure in my opinion. I couldnt help but think that some Phychiatrist was asleep when they approved someof these people for surgery.

The support group can be made up of people, of many different types and situations. We cannot sit and judge others, when we may not know the real reasons someone may continue to eat things that are not good choices. I am two years out, and at times make choices that are not good.... that does not make me or anyone else doomed to failure! I can remember going to support groups before surgery and hearing people say, that after surgery, they would never eat this or that, like someone else was doing... I too, swore to myself, that after surgery, I would NEVER eat the wrong things agian.... since then, I have strayed from my own promises... Life is hard, and for some of us, many different things challange us. I also feel, that you are not out far enough from surgery, to say how well you will do... when hunger returns, and it will, one cannot always make a good choice. Failure comes only from one not recognizing they have made bad choices... when one realizes a mistake and gets back on track, that is progress... some of us, including myself, need a lifetime of support and help... I can say, this has not been an easy journey... but I do not regret it. I am blessed with a wonderful support group and have made many friends through the process.... and again I say, we each have individual situations, that nobody can judge.... a person that may eat wrong today, may tomorrow pick up and remain with the best habits ever... each day is a new day... Only the future and the lives of each of us, can truly say who is a success or who is a failure.. it is not for us to say anything about another person... we should only be willing to offer support and encouragement, rather than doom someone to failure. Mike C.

Hello Mike. I understand what you mean about this but I have to point something out. I have an addiction to food. I will always be an addict but now I have the tools to try to handle my addiction and improve my life because of it. When I tried to get my nutritionist and psych person on board, both of them recognized this and pointed it out to me that I eat for comfort and security and not for hunger. Eventually I realized this was very true and I made some rather hard decisions to try to change that. It took a lot of effort and it was not easy but I got out of the habit of eating 6 cheeseburgers when I felt bad or stressed out. You said "failure comes only from one not recognizing they have made bad choices..." and I think you are right about that. Had I not realized where I was headed I might be trying to stuff a BIG MAC down my throat right now, but I have a much better understanding of why I overeat and am better able to handle it now and in the future. Like you I sometimes dont make the best food choices but my choices have improved greatly over the past 6 months and even more since my surgery. I think its important to say that I know I can still fail and I work everyday to succeed. The person I was speaking of was not hungry or at least I think we all can agree that at 16 days post op the last thing on most peoples' mind was eating a BIG MAC as fast as they could. Personally I didnt really want to eat then at all and had to force myself to eat, even if it was just a little at a time. I think she was eating because of issues of using food as a comfort or crutch in times of stress. SOMEONE at some point should have recognized and pointed this out to her a long time ago. This person has not dealt with her addictions at all and in my opinion that is not a good thing. To have just had major surgery and be doing something just a few weeks later that could seriously hurt you, such as eating an entire BIG MAC in a few bites when your pouch couldnt hold 1/10th that volume of food has the potential to kill her. Here is a NASCAR analogy for you... The race is 200 laps and it goes not to the person who goes the fastest or the longest but the person who goes the fastest the longest, get it? Anyway to win the race or even finish the race you have to be at least on the track not running into the guard rail on lap 2. This surgery is just a tool. Nothing more. A pretty good tool IMO but still just a tool.

Just thought of something else I had to say. As stated before, why have surgery if you have no intention of changing your lifestyle and eating habits?

I think this just shows that there is a lack in the approval/pre-op process when it comes to making sure people are really truly perpared... as well as a lack of post-op follow up. The surgeons do a great job making sure people are medically prepared but there need to be much more done from the psychological side. A lot is left up to the patients... yes we are adults (most of us!) and should be taking care of ourselves and making better decisions but we are all overweight for different reasons which are not addressed pre or post-op unless that persons decides to face up.

I very much agree Jennifer. This surgery and its aftermath are no cakewalk. Ive had my life turned upside down (more accurately stated probably right side up) since the surgery. I spent the better part of a year fighting to have this surgery. Before my surgery I secretly cursed those people who I felt stood between me and my surgery but in retrospect I am glad they did their jobs and forced me to see myself for what I really was, a food addict. Without that and their helping to get me on the right track MONTHS before my surgery date, I would be the person eating that BIG MAC.

I agree with you both... You have made good comments. Please know R.M. I did not mean to sound mean to you.. you and I have had good support via emails in the past, and I am glad of your accomplishments. I agree Jennifer, that sometimes, the approval process is to easy... For example... My psycologist, focused more on my lifestyle, rather than how much I ate, or why I turned to food. And I can also say, several times, when I saw him, he discussed his plants/garden and vegetarian eating habits, moreso than anything. It helped me, none at all.... All my life, I have turned to food... that is who I was... and even today, find myself turning to food, out of depression/habit.... this surgery is just a tool... we do have to make ourselves make good choices. After my initial surgery, of course I had many complications, and really ate nothing, much less kept fluids down for 4 months post-op... I look back now, and see how I concentrated on eating what I could, as soon as I could, rather than focusing on how the situation I was in, was helping me to loose the weight. Of course, going on around 4 months with nothing, I felt I would never eat again... it was a very trying time. Today, I am faced with having had some weight gain... and need a revision. Dr. V. did an Endoscopy a few weeks back, my stoma is very stretched... food is falling through... We know, that a revision can have higher risk of bleeding and leaks... and he said I only had a 50/50 chance of having it Laproscopically, because of scar tissue. However, I have to make sure to exercise at least 5 times a week, stop drinking with meals (one of my worse habits) and pay more attention to what I eat. I also have to have more therapy and nutritional support. I have a long way to go... and some tough decisions to make... I want nothing more, than for myself and everyone else that has this surgery, to do well and become healthier... it is my hopes and prayers, that we all can become all that we can... I have daily struggles with food, and I wonder why I do.... I can say, my past and having had to keep so much to myself for so long, made a major impact on my life.. thus, turning to food... I hope I can get therapy, to help me overcome feeling hopeless and undeserving... so that I can carry on my life, feeling totally happy and only eating what is healthy.... Again, thanks to you both.... for your postings... Please keep me in thoughts, as I will think good thoughts for you too! Happy Easter... Mike C.

No offense taken Mike. None at all. I do think that we tend to try to just be supportive instead of being truthful. The truth is that woman either never had any serious help for her addiction or she chose to ignore the advice that was given and either way she should NEVER have had that surgery. I have daily struggles with food also. Nowadays I win most of those struggles instead of losing them. My biggest problem now is these GD plateaus Im on all the time but at least Im losing weight. BTW TODAY is my two month anniversary of my surgery and I am down 49 pounds. My weakness now is exercising. I dont like to do it yet. I still see a fat man in the mirror at the gym. When my weight loss becomes more noticeable I hope that will change. I think once Im near my target weight Ill see if Dr V will do an endo on me to see if my stoma is stretched. It shouldnt be but Im always so scared of eating too much. There was a time in my life when I felt lost. I had just lost custody of my children and had been charged with enough crimes to put me in jail for 71 years. I was at the mercy of an ex wife who would do anything and say anything to guarantee she won custody of our children. Not to mention my arm was hanging my some skin basically. That was the lowest point in my life. I remember I wrote a letter to my kids and told them if I never saw them again that I hoped they would remember me and that I loved them very much and I just couldnt bear to live without them. Then I turned everything over to God. I just said here, you handle it I cant do it anymore. My arm was reattached a few days later. I began school to learn a new trade within a month. Within three months the charges were dropped and I was awarded custody of both of my children. Next month will mark five years since that horrible time in my life. I have been saved for many years now but Im always backsliding. I guess sometimes He has to jerk a knot in my ass to remind me who is really in charge. Im not trying to preach to you but Ive found that God is the best support group there is.

Hi R M, I know we have communicated before over many things and have agreed and disagreed. I think these two women you mention have serious issues. I agree that eating a big mac after surgery is dangerous, however, it might take something serious happening to get her to open her eyes. We all have internal house keeping issues. I am a little over 1 year post op I can comment, there isn't enough psych support after surgery. I feel the nutrition program is ok, but money could be better utilized via psych support. Most insurances have mental health benefits but they are lacking. I personally couldn't afford the time or $$ to invest in mental health care. It's just a sad state of our lives. I work for a good company and have wonderful insurance, but it's so expensive. I can barely keep up, my take home salary isn't enough. THe bad thing about a food addiction is we cannot live without food. You can live without drugs and alcohol, but we need food to survive. We all have tricks we use to make ourselves think were doing things right, ways to cheat and think no one knows. We take risks and see sucesses and failures. I personally will never be satisfied. I have this wonderful tool, but you know I Will never be thin enough, I will never exercise enough, nor will I be perfect enough to fit my own images. I personally felt it was easier when I was fat. I could go into the store buy size 18-22 and know it would fit. Now, I have to work and try clothes on. Alot of things don't fit and feel right when you have a fat stomach. My stomach is the last to go. No one knows of my personal torment or struggles of living my life. I've faced alot of adversities since turning 30 and it doesn't stop. However, I reforce everyday, I had surgery to be healthier. I have acheived some sucess with that. I was totally defeated when I found my chronic pain condition got worse when I lost 40lbs, yes worse, I traded one thing for another. One of the ramifications is I cannot take the traditional pain med's dr's give out. I have to double check and question everything. My providers are not thinking of my pouch when I have a sinus infection or migraine. Until I question it. I have a supportive husband and daughter whose too little to know the truth. However, we all have to work with what we have. Currently, I have a condition which the dr requested 3 days a week of physical theraphy, I cannot afford it. $75-100 a week for me, for theraphy. I need that money for my light bills and tuition. THat's almost $400 a month if I went to Physical Therapy. I'm not sure I brought home any points, but I know the tourment my addiction and struggle caused me. I had two serious complications and was made to feel like crap. I second guessed why I had surgery and why these things were happening to me. There were no answers. Healthcare is all a business, as long as I can pass all the hurdles, pay the $$ and have the surgery, sadly, the dr looks at this as the basis for running their business. My complications were approx $30K and I wasn't even admitted nor hospitalized longer then overnight. I couldn't imagine what the impact would have if I did have to be hospitalized. At the end of the day, the accountants make sure the business are functional and turning profits. Yes, sadly, healthcare is all a business. We are all cared for, yet are numbers in the numbers game. Good Luck with what ever your searching for or conclusion your trying to draw, but it's a hard game with no answers. People cannot base their experieinces on others. People shake their heads and say I told you so when they hear why I was laid up for 8 weeks. Guess what, I don't care and it hurts my feelings hearing the I told ya' so's. I have gotten comments that i just need to eat because I'm too thin, I am no where near thin. I asked a person would you tell someone to stop eating because they are too fat? Good Luck in your Journey. I still struggle with food, addiction and severe cravings. I am human and normal. However, I did have the courage to have WLS to see what I could change. JT

About that meeting all I can say is OMG! Clearly these people are not understanding the significance of the surgery from quite a few perspectives. Failure looms for them. A big mac and a vomit bag? Yeesh! No other way to say it. That indicates a very serious mental issue.