I thought I would share this with you all....

Saturday night I was out with this guy,his friend and his friends girlfriend (I never met the friend/gf before) at a local sports bar watching the UFC (yuck!!). At the table next to us there was a group of guys and girls and all of the girls were overweight. There was a girl sitting at the end of the table that was wearing some St.Pattys Day (mardi gras looking) beads. A comment was made about what she had to do to get those beads and the two guys at my table starting poking fun at her. I looked at the girl and thought to myself "that use to be me" and felt hurt at the thought of how many occasions the same thing happened to me and I never knew (she couldnt hear what they were saying). The people I was with do not know I had surgery and use to be overweight. After a minute or so I made a comment about how they better leave that girl alone because she looked like she could kick their butt and we moved on. Anyways, the next morning I woke up thinking about it and didnt really know how to feel. I cant say the guys were horrible people because they were picking on somebody who was overweight... it happens all the time.. when you are growing up, on tv... all around... look at recently how Tyra Banks was treated over her bad swimsuit photos (Americas Next Top Waddle)?? I know they wernt trying to hurt her feeling or be mean... its just something thats become acceptable. How would you have handeled the situtation?

Wow, now there is something we've all been through one time or another even if we were unaware it was happening. It was good of you to remember back when it might have been you on the other end of the joke. I think I might have suggested that they grow up and get a life. I might have even gotten mad enough to ask, "What, you don't have mirrors in your house...it must be nice to think you are so perfect". I'm guessing these were not teenagers making these remarks. How sorry were they that they made themselves feel better by picking on someone else. And what kind of reaction would Mr. Wonderful have if he saw pictures taken of you before your new life? I'll get off of my soapbox now.

No matter where you go, someone will always have a comment about how you look. You are too fat. Or too skinny. Your hair sucks or something. I don't care anymore what people think. And I think Tyra Banks was a little rude to the little skinny model that was on there. She kept kept calling her unhealthy. How did she know if the woman was unhealthy or not. People look and judge to much. People need to take a step back and look at their selfs..........If ya don't have anything good to say don't say it at all. Because really nobody cares..............I am made fun of fat or skinny........... have a blessed day all Amy

I have always been heavy, so I can't say how I would feel if I was in your shoes, now not being overweight. I have been in situations now where people talk about overweight people when I am with them. My bf's sister is the worst. She probably weighs 90 lbs and has had 3 children. She always talks about how heavy people are. I feel like it is ignorance and lack of respect. I feel like they were never taught that saying certain things can hurt someone. One night they came to have dinner at my house. I fixed everybody a large plate of food. I served myself on a small salad plate. She said I don't know why your are so fat. We all eat way more than you. I was so embarrassed. She said this infront of my bf, her husband, & his cousin(male). She tells me all the time, why don't you loose weight? It makes me so mad. I can't eat what I want, I am usually hungry and don't eat, and I excercise (some). She sits on her a** all day, doesn't work, doesn't have to excercise, and eats all the time. She eats candy all day. Then for her to tell me "why don't you go on a diet". I told my bf that is why I don't like going to her house. When we eat together with them, I get too embarassed to eat. But, I have told my bf not to make comments about other heavy people, b/c it is me too that he is talking about. He appologized and said that he never thought of it that way. As for the sister in law, watch out when I get my wls. I will look good and I am going to say "why don't you fix yourself up, why don' t you do your hair", etc.

hi jennifer- yep, been there... done that. slaggin' the fat girl is still socially acceptable public behaviour even for people who'd be horrified to hear/say an ethnic slur. sadly, we can't change all the hurts of the world so i think you handled the situation really quit tactfully. after all, you DID stand up for the girl and in a way, you were standing up for that inner you. take strength in knowing you have experienced empathy where others may never have this experience. there is the ancient buddhist prayer that i hope you will indulge me sharing a wee bit- "please grant me adequate trial and pain in this journey to awaken my universal compassion..." consider yourself awakened. take the very best of care, alex

hi, i haven't been active on the board for along time but your post really hit me. you will continue to have those experiences....and possibly similar experiences that i have had. i've had people say "oh you are a completely different person." my response is always "same person different package." people respond to "looks" good bad. i try not to be too judgmental but realize that just because i am slim now that I might change tomorrow. i might get in a car accident or become disfigured some other way. if someone i'm with responds poorly to an overweight person or did to me before i lost weight i keep my distance from them. i want friends that will be there with me long term and love me for me. i do not want someone that might leave if my appearance changes. i've said no to men that have asked me out when they wouldn't even be my friend prior to my weight loss. on the other hand i realize that someone might be interested in me now because of how active i am..ie ride bikes, etc. i try to see the difference. as long as there is no derogatory remarks about my past i'm ok. i am rambling but do compliment you on standing up for the girl...how horrible of any of us to say something that might hurt someone's feelings...even if we do not think they know they might hear or someone looking similar to them might hear. congrats on your weight loss!!! susan