In a funk
Hi All...
I have my surgery date and had the pre-op tests. I am finally nearing surgery. Only thing that is bumming me out is that everything seems to be backfiring. I am in a real low spot and can't seem to get out of this funk. It is dragging me down. It is like my body is revolting against me and I am sinking into quick sand.
Firstly, I lost weight but have been plateaued for over a year. I just found out that my thyroid is shot. I knew it was not in my head. No one believed me. People just told me to work harder and not eat anything. I just gave up. I have been eating like a pig lately and gained weight. I gained 10 lbs since I was at the surgeon's office. I intended to lose 10 lbs not gain it. I have no idea if I am doing this because I I know that when I have surgery I won't be able to eat anything or because I am so tired of eating well and denying myself and not seeing any results or because I want to have control. I have fallen into the downward spiral I swore I would never fall again. I have zero energy and I used to love to run. Now it is painful and I am exhausted all the time. I can sleep all the time and my back and hips are killing me. I have more blood tests this week for thyroid. I asked if this would halt the surgery and they said no. My family Dr. said I would need the surgery more than ever now and it may take a long time to sort out the thyroid.
Another thing which has been demoralizing and painful is that my running friends have been judgemental. Others have been as well but it hurts more from my running friends. I have only told select people about my surgery, although it will come out. The reaction by many people has been very negative and judgemental. You have no idea how pissed I am. The negative comments have been very painful. People just do not understand and they think I am cheating and treat me like I am scum. If I hear another skinny person lecture me about what I need to eat and do I will scream!!!! People just do not understand. I have had so many people tell me that they can't figure how VSG surgery will help me. They don't buy surgery. They think it is just my lack of will power. On Saturday my husband went out running with these friends and I did not since they run faster than I do. Instead of sitting home I went and met them but took our dog and ran on my own on a reverse trail. Afterwards they started on me again about not pushing myself. It is really hard to lose my conditioning and to no be where I was before. I am trying to stay positive and remind myself that this is the first time in my life that I lost weight and did not gain it all back and that I still have kept to a relatively healthy lifestyle. I may have fallen off the wagon a bit but I am determined to get back on.
Please remember you are doing this for YOURSELF and not anyone else. People are negative cause they don't understand it. I have only told my parents and my husband that is it. I did mention it years ago that I was thinking of it and most of my family and friends had lots of negative comments about it, my favorite " You are taking the easy way out." No cause the easy way would be to do nothing about it. Surgery is a tool, you still need to work just as hard to reach your goal.
There will be better days ahead, positive thinking goes a long way. Think about the finish line, after surgery another journey will start and in the end you will be healthier. Sky will be the limit.
Take care,
Dawn
As for your friends- to heck with them. You made the decision for you, they don't get a say. The negative feedback is the reason I didn't tell anyone but my hubby before surgery....not even my children.
Congrats on your surgery date growing closer!
A couple things.. I wanted to tell you. It's normal, I think -- for people to gain a bit of weight knowing they're having this done. Hundreds of die-hard surgery patients will tell you differently, but we all had serious addictions to food. It's a natural grieving process, and weight gain is a normal occurence. The difference is -- you noticed it and feel guilt over it -- so that part of you is already in tune. Let go of the guilt. It is what it is, and you'll lose that much and more on your liquids pre-op anyway.
From now until you are healed -- you need to clear your mind, relax and enjoy the ride. You seriously need to distance yourself from people who are negative. I had to stop taking calls from one of my closest friends -- because she cried and begged me not to have this done every conversation. I'd do my best to reassure her everything was going to be okay, only to have her criticize me for brushing it off, and not taking it seriously. Come on.. really?
I didn't call her until a few days post op. I relayed messages to her through friends who understood my situation and my need to take control of my health and my life again.
Having this surgery was the first thing I've done for myself in over a decade. I want to live my life for me. If someone wants to walk through life beside me, and be there for the good decisions and the not-so-good decisions -- all the power to them.
My suggestion to you is this... Keep the friends who support you unconditionally.. very, very close to you during this. Distance yourself as much as possible from the others, whether they're family, friends, or your running group.
You know they're talking crazy talk! Catch up with the crazy beshes when you're surgery is complete. I promise they'll still be crazy beshes! xoxxox
