Demoralizing Day
Hi folks... I experienced one of the worst and most demoralizing days today. I had an appointment to see a plastic surgeon about a long standing issue. My family Dr. refererred me because she knows that I will have to get this addressed and thought that since I have lost alot of weight on my own it was time now to get a consult. Of course I expected the standard anti-fat spiel Dr.'s love to focus on but oh boy did I get some real negativity especially about bariatric surgery ( I had no choice but to tell them of my impending surgery).
It first started when I met with the surgeon's nurse and then it was amplfied with him. The nurse and the surgeon told me that they do not beleive in bariatric surgery and I should be able to do this on my own. They feel that bariatrics is a cop out. He did not even know what VSG was. They told me that the majority of bariatric patients are not successful long term and gain the weight back. They kept railing on about how bad bariatric surgery was and that I should know the real truth about it. He also told me that he would not consider surgery for me for post weight loss (i.e body lift or breast work) unless I could get my body fat to a ridiculously low %. He gave me this whole sense that I was a fat loser and that I would be a failure. I told him that I lost weight and that my weight loss stalled for over a year and still he went on and did not even acknowledge that I lead a healthy lifetyle now and workout like a fiend. He actually came out and said that he does not believe in wasting his time performing surgery on people who lost weight because they gain it back and ruin his work. He has his tape recorder going during my entire visit and I should have swiped his tape because honestly he then went on to go on about how addicts like alcholics just need one drink to go off the wagon and it is inevitable. It was the most demeaning experience I had. It was so bad that when I got out of the office and into my car I burst into tears and cried for 40 minutes and have had a headache all afternoon. I just need to vent. Why do they let these people practive medicine? He is supposed to have an excellent reputation. He made me feel like I was not worth the dirt on the bottom of his shoe. He even was reluctant to shake my hand.
Look I live with myself each day and I know that I messed my body up but should I be shunned for life for it and doomed when I have been working so hard to get myself out of this hell? I have yet to meet any overweight person who purposely wants to be. It is precisely these people and their attitudes that weigh me down more than my physical weight.
I am very sad, mad and hoping that this awful experience will propel me to show him he is wrong. I want nothing more than to lose weight and show up in his office again and prove him wrong.
It first started when I met with the surgeon's nurse and then it was amplfied with him. The nurse and the surgeon told me that they do not beleive in bariatric surgery and I should be able to do this on my own. They feel that bariatrics is a cop out. He did not even know what VSG was. They told me that the majority of bariatric patients are not successful long term and gain the weight back. They kept railing on about how bad bariatric surgery was and that I should know the real truth about it. He also told me that he would not consider surgery for me for post weight loss (i.e body lift or breast work) unless I could get my body fat to a ridiculously low %. He gave me this whole sense that I was a fat loser and that I would be a failure. I told him that I lost weight and that my weight loss stalled for over a year and still he went on and did not even acknowledge that I lead a healthy lifetyle now and workout like a fiend. He actually came out and said that he does not believe in wasting his time performing surgery on people who lost weight because they gain it back and ruin his work. He has his tape recorder going during my entire visit and I should have swiped his tape because honestly he then went on to go on about how addicts like alcholics just need one drink to go off the wagon and it is inevitable. It was the most demeaning experience I had. It was so bad that when I got out of the office and into my car I burst into tears and cried for 40 minutes and have had a headache all afternoon. I just need to vent. Why do they let these people practive medicine? He is supposed to have an excellent reputation. He made me feel like I was not worth the dirt on the bottom of his shoe. He even was reluctant to shake my hand.
Look I live with myself each day and I know that I messed my body up but should I be shunned for life for it and doomed when I have been working so hard to get myself out of this hell? I have yet to meet any overweight person who purposely wants to be. It is precisely these people and their attitudes that weigh me down more than my physical weight.
I am very sad, mad and hoping that this awful experience will propel me to show him he is wrong. I want nothing more than to lose weight and show up in his office again and prove him wrong.
Hi!
I'm so sorry to hear about your experience! You didn't deserve to be treated that way.
I had to reach out an write a couple things. I have a quote in my home: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt. I used to read that all the time for situations like the one you describe.
I don't want to offend anyone here (so that's my disclaimer). Having said that, I will share *MY* thoughts and experiences. I worked in Hospitals for about 10 years. I worked with surgeons, specialists and primary care docs. Docs are often low on social skills. The more specialized, the more they are impacted. Surgeons in my experience are the worst, and Plastic surgeons are even worse than that when it comes to social skills.
Doctors often see you as a disease (diabeties, High blood pressure, obesity, etc) and treat you as such. Surgeons often see you as a body part. They consider themselves "artists". In my experience, they are "put out" by patients' emotions. They don't want your opinion, so they don't want to hear your disagreement. Also, alot of them are interested in their "outcomes"; their stats. It looks bad if you don't heal well, or don't stay the way they "made" you.
There are certainly exceptions to the rule, and I am emphasizing the negative. I had that experience with 100s of docs in 5 different hospitals during 10 years. I've also worked peripherally with docs and surgeons for many years beyond that!
Also, there are a lot of ignorant people out there about WLS. Sometimes it's family members, co-workers, other people and even health care professionals. There is sooooo much to learn in their own fields, that they often don't even understand another field. Plus plastic surgeons often are so arrogant that they wouldn't even look into it. At one of the prestigious hospitals where I worked, there was a joke (kinda offensive, but shows the stereotype) "what's the difference between God and a surgeon? God knows he's not a surgeon!"
Anyway, I know that I am focusing on the negative here. But I wanted to share those experiences with you so that you know that it's not you! There are some WONDERFUL surgeons and doctors out there. I adore my primary care and my GYN.
There are some plastics surgeons that specialize with working with WLS patients (I just met one last month at our support group). But you have to hunt for them, and maybe get some referrals from patients as well as your own health care providers. Do some research on them before you go, see if you can find a website that has patient's comments (angie's list, etc).
Good luck to you! I wish you the best!
I'm so sorry to hear about your experience! You didn't deserve to be treated that way.
I had to reach out an write a couple things. I have a quote in my home: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt. I used to read that all the time for situations like the one you describe.
I don't want to offend anyone here (so that's my disclaimer). Having said that, I will share *MY* thoughts and experiences. I worked in Hospitals for about 10 years. I worked with surgeons, specialists and primary care docs. Docs are often low on social skills. The more specialized, the more they are impacted. Surgeons in my experience are the worst, and Plastic surgeons are even worse than that when it comes to social skills.
Doctors often see you as a disease (diabeties, High blood pressure, obesity, etc) and treat you as such. Surgeons often see you as a body part. They consider themselves "artists". In my experience, they are "put out" by patients' emotions. They don't want your opinion, so they don't want to hear your disagreement. Also, alot of them are interested in their "outcomes"; their stats. It looks bad if you don't heal well, or don't stay the way they "made" you.
There are certainly exceptions to the rule, and I am emphasizing the negative. I had that experience with 100s of docs in 5 different hospitals during 10 years. I've also worked peripherally with docs and surgeons for many years beyond that!
Also, there are a lot of ignorant people out there about WLS. Sometimes it's family members, co-workers, other people and even health care professionals. There is sooooo much to learn in their own fields, that they often don't even understand another field. Plus plastic surgeons often are so arrogant that they wouldn't even look into it. At one of the prestigious hospitals where I worked, there was a joke (kinda offensive, but shows the stereotype) "what's the difference between God and a surgeon? God knows he's not a surgeon!"
Anyway, I know that I am focusing on the negative here. But I wanted to share those experiences with you so that you know that it's not you! There are some WONDERFUL surgeons and doctors out there. I adore my primary care and my GYN.
There are some plastics surgeons that specialize with working with WLS patients (I just met one last month at our support group). But you have to hunt for them, and maybe get some referrals from patients as well as your own health care providers. Do some research on them before you go, see if you can find a website that has patient's comments (angie's list, etc).
Good luck to you! I wish you the best!
I would rather not say who it is for fear that I am known as some Dr. basher. I since spoke with some other friends who also went to him and he gave them a much more watered down version of the anti-fat spiel. Mind you they have not nor are as overweight as I am but he also told them he wants them to be uber lean. I know that plastic surgeons have to be very cognizant of their patient's mental state and that they have to ensure that so many criteria are met before they can treat a patient. For overweight patients I can see where they want to ensure that they are of sound mind and body in terms of stability. I can understand this from his perspective medically. No doubt the better results are evidenced in thinner people who have maintained stable weight. What I really took offense to was the prejudice and slamming bariatric surgery and pegging me as some inevitable failure. When I saw his nurse before I even met him she was very against bariatric surgery and I asked her if they had patients who came to them after weight loss and she said yes but that many were led astray with the surgery and unsuccessful. She railed on about making sure that the bariatric team looked after me properly because they would not. I could have debated that one because I certainly do not get that sense from the team I met. I find that to be the contrary actually.
Look I have not even had the VSG surgery yet and this is not changing my mind. If I lose my weight and get healthy and have saggy skin so be it. My focus is on getting the weight off, keeping it off and living a healthy lifestyle. I will be much better off than I am now anyways and I don't want to put the cart before the horse. just focus on one thing at a time. I did not go to that consult for a body makeover but another issue. It just naturally turned into that conversation since I am fat and him turning everything into that. In retrospect I should have told my family Dr. to delay the referral until I reached goal weight but I really question if I still would have been treated the same. I think I would have. I agree that if and when the time ever does come for me to consider body contouring or the procedure I went there initally for that I will take the advice from the other lady who posted and look for a surgeon who is more favorable.
The reason I mentioned this experience here is because I wanted to let other folks know of some of the anti bariatric and bias that is out there in the medical community so they are not blown away when it smacks them in the face as it had done me. I guess to turn this into a positive it has made my resolve to have VSG surgery and be successful more solidified. I am more determined than ever and I am not letting this bring me down.
Look I have not even had the VSG surgery yet and this is not changing my mind. If I lose my weight and get healthy and have saggy skin so be it. My focus is on getting the weight off, keeping it off and living a healthy lifestyle. I will be much better off than I am now anyways and I don't want to put the cart before the horse. just focus on one thing at a time. I did not go to that consult for a body makeover but another issue. It just naturally turned into that conversation since I am fat and him turning everything into that. In retrospect I should have told my family Dr. to delay the referral until I reached goal weight but I really question if I still would have been treated the same. I think I would have. I agree that if and when the time ever does come for me to consider body contouring or the procedure I went there initally for that I will take the advice from the other lady who posted and look for a surgeon who is more favorable.
The reason I mentioned this experience here is because I wanted to let other folks know of some of the anti bariatric and bias that is out there in the medical community so they are not blown away when it smacks them in the face as it had done me. I guess to turn this into a positive it has made my resolve to have VSG surgery and be successful more solidified. I am more determined than ever and I am not letting this bring me down.
I had a somewhat similar experience with an endocrinologist just dater my daughter was born. Because of my poly cystic ovaries I needed medical intervention to conceive. When I was three months postpartum, my obgyn referred me to an endocrinologist to confirm his suspicions of PCOS. When the doctor found out I had used Clomid to conceive her first words were "God I wish these obgyn's would learn not to interfere and to just let mother nature take its course. If you can't conceive on your own, it is because your body doesn't want to".
Keep in mind that I had been diagnosed with postpartum depression two weeks before this appointment and that the day of my appointment was the 1 year anniversary of my first miscarriage. Needless to say, I was devasted by this physician's remarks. I cried all the way home and refused to see that doctor again. My GP has since stopped referring her patients to this physician.
Keep in mind that I had been diagnosed with postpartum depression two weeks before this appointment and that the day of my appointment was the 1 year anniversary of my first miscarriage. Needless to say, I was devasted by this physician's remarks. I cried all the way home and refused to see that doctor again. My GP has since stopped referring her patients to this physician.
Run.. I get so spiteful -- I would have asked him if he was that ****ty of a plastic surgeon that he wasn't skilled enough to complete the necessary transformation with surgery for a bariatric patient.
He sounds like a total ass, and so does his staff.
You're in the best hands with Dr. Savoie and his team. There are a lot of medical professionals that mistreat obese patients. I remember.. my Mom dying, and the cardiac surgeon came in -- I asked if she could have a coffee. He said.. what does she take in it? I said... oh, just cream, no sugar (because she was a diabetic). He replied... Cream? Are you serious? Her arteries are clogged with fat deposits. She has 10% of her heart keeping her alive -- and you want to poison her with CCCCREAMMMMM???? Might as well put a nail in her coffin. Skim milk is an acquired taste. She needs to acquire it. Come to think of it.. so do all of you. (In reference to my family that was standing around, not one of us at that time below 250lbs.)
We joked about it, and referred to ourselves as the Klumps from then on, within earshot for him to get the point.
People still think it's okay to discriminate and be inhuman to obese people. I don't understand their mindset. I would be posting that doctor's name all over every blog and website I could find... What an ass.
He sounds like a total ass, and so does his staff.
You're in the best hands with Dr. Savoie and his team. There are a lot of medical professionals that mistreat obese patients. I remember.. my Mom dying, and the cardiac surgeon came in -- I asked if she could have a coffee. He said.. what does she take in it? I said... oh, just cream, no sugar (because she was a diabetic). He replied... Cream? Are you serious? Her arteries are clogged with fat deposits. She has 10% of her heart keeping her alive -- and you want to poison her with CCCCREAMMMMM???? Might as well put a nail in her coffin. Skim milk is an acquired taste. She needs to acquire it. Come to think of it.. so do all of you. (In reference to my family that was standing around, not one of us at that time below 250lbs.)
We joked about it, and referred to ourselves as the Klumps from then on, within earshot for him to get the point.
People still think it's okay to discriminate and be inhuman to obese people. I don't understand their mindset. I would be posting that doctor's name all over every blog and website I could find... What an ass.
I'm impressed with your second post, how calm you are and how you seem to be forgiving of his behavior. It's probably best to see his faults as his and let go of it.
I wish that doc's (and other people) like that could have a clue of how awful they can be to obese people. It's a shame that so many people think they can treat fat people badly.
My mother is always saying that fat people are the only group left that others don't think they have to be politically incorrect towards. It's very true. People don't think they have to censor themselves, they think they can say whatever comes out of their mouths.
Well, I hope you find a skilled surgeon with a better bedside manner!
Good luck to you!
I wish that doc's (and other people) like that could have a clue of how awful they can be to obese people. It's a shame that so many people think they can treat fat people badly.
My mother is always saying that fat people are the only group left that others don't think they have to be politically incorrect towards. It's very true. People don't think they have to censor themselves, they think they can say whatever comes out of their mouths.
Well, I hope you find a skilled surgeon with a better bedside manner!
Good luck to you!
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