scared re surgery

 Hi...i will be having RNY this spring and am scared that this is the right decision! It seems there are many of u who have had minor-major post-op complications...do u still feel the surgery was worth it.  Even with the extra complications and surgeries, has your overall quality of life been better.  I am 40, married, have 2 boys (6 and 8 yrs old), self-employed (so every time i have to take time off = loss of income), and other than being 115lbs overweight, i have no other significant health problems, YET!!  So i am scared i am being too drastic and taking great risks in having this surgery done but if not, what then? I would greatly appreciate any advice...i have no-one i know whose had this surgery to talk too.    Thanks.

Oh Sweetie, surgery is scary no matter what you are having done. Everything from mole removal to major surgery carries risks if you are under general ansthesia. I had R N Y in Feb of 09 and I had a major complication. I nearly bled to death. But I didn't and am still here hale and hearty. I am having gallbladdder problems and it will need to be removed but I guess that is pretty common for R N Yers. Would I do it again? YES, IN A HALF A HEARTBEAT!!
 
It is not a simple surgery and a lot of the post op issues are not centered around the ability to eat food. If you think there are no emotional issues why you eat, once you have this surgery you are in for a huge surprise. When food is no longer an option for comfort, for celebration, for affection, for warmth, for escape the world quickly becomes a harsh cold place. Without food to fall back on suddenly you have to face all the issues naked and alone . Coping without your best and closest friend in the world is really tough.  You can no longer grab a big bag of chips, a container of dip and big glass of pop and eat you feelings away. More often than not when you get upset, you cannot eat at all. Pouch won't accept food.

At my heaviest I weighed 305 and I stand 5 foot 3 inches tall. I had a 52 DDD chest a 68 inch waist and a 70 inch hip. I had diabetes, asthma, painful joints,sleep apnea and was starting to have heart issues. I had a BMI in the low 50's. I was morbidily obese. Almost 2 years later I have a 36 DD chest, a 28 inch waist and I don't know my hip size due to all of the hanging skin around my hips but if the skin were gone it would be small. I went from wearing a size 6x (Penningtons) ( the biggest size they carried) top to now wearing a medium top at Walmart.
 

My biggest problem may be that no one knows I had this surgery so I have no suppport system except here on OH. The people here have been wonderful and so supportive to me and words cannot express my gratitude to them. They know who they are.

If you decide to have this I wish you the best of luck. Nowadays this is only one of 3 or 4 options. You will sorely miss your plyloric spyincter. Dumping (if you get it) is a ***** But it is a fantastic negitive reinforcement tool. Dump a couple of times on something and I promise you will never want it again.

Hope I have not scared you off R N Y. Mary C seems to have had a better experience with it than I did but she had a Petersen's hernia and was quite ill. If you have any questions either Mary C or I am here.

 Thnaks so much for your reply and CONGRATS TO YOU for your amazing success!!  It is so good to talk to someone who has been there and understands how i feel.  I can see how important this site and those of you on it will be on my journey.

I have had a load of problems but I would do it again in a heart beat. Why? Because I now have hope for tomorrow.  I have hope that  I will live into my 70's. The list goes on but you get the picture. I have regained a bunch of weight because of depression (eating sweets), but I have not given up as I would have before surgery.   With an RNY you won't be able to eat sweets- that is the surgery I wish I had. I didn't look to see who your surgeon but.... Dr B is a very cautious man. He doesn't like risk. I trust him.
As far as not knowning anyone who has had to surgery- tell the board the general area where you live. I am sure someone would meet you for coffee.

I still eat sweets. Just not many of them. I cannot eat a chocolate bar. I can and do on occasion eat 1/4 of a bar or 1 bite, That is enough. Chocolate bars are way too sweet and I don't  really care for the taste of sweet now. I cannot eat cereal at all. Never never. I can only eat about 3/4 or 1/2 a slice of bread. I cannot eat pork chops, bacon, deli meat, bologna, weiners or pizza.  I have become lactose intolerant following surgery. I can no longer drink fruit juices or pop. I cannot eat ice cream in any form. Pasta i**** and miss some days yes some days no.
 
I no longer projectile vomit. Food just rolls back up lookin and tasting the exact same as it did when it went down only chewed. LOL Food is no longer a joy, no longer something I look forward to nor something to be savoured. It is food. The taste of many foods have changed so much there is a lot now I no longer like the taste of. Food is fuel for the body. I eat now when I am hungry and that's it. Many many foods no longer like me and get back out of my belly as fast as it can. LOL

 Hi - since food is no longer something you look forward to, has it  (if it did) stopped controlling your life.  Do u think about every morsel of food that goes in your mouth (good or bad).  I would love to someday stop food and my weight from controlling my life!!  I would love for food to be something i look to as just a necessity and not a want.  Or is it difficult mentally still as it was at the first  (like when u mentioned the difficulty dealing with food not being able to be there for comfort).  

Hi again. My experience may or may not be typical. I can't speak for others who have had R N Y . Some people dump some do not. I DO BIG TIME Thank you God!! I am also lactose intolerant. I have many many food issues surrounding foods that I can no longer tolerate. My mind remembers how a certain food tastes but when I put it into my mouth the taste is NOTHING like I remember it. Like you know what a slice of roast beef tastes. I remember too but now instead of tasting like roast beef, it tastes like baked sawdust. So I seldom try to eat it.

I crave a pork chop or a slice of bacon or you name it and I still want it so badly. Like an ice cream or a ice cold pop on a stinking hot day in July. I can't have those. Does not matter how badly I  want it or how badly I crave it. I cannot have a hot chocolat on a cold day in the winter either.

There are so so many things I can no longer eat or drink. I think I posted awahile ago about going to a dance in Fort Mcmurray and for the first time in 2 1/2 years I had a whiskey and pepsi. The first pepsi I had in so long. It went down alright but now I must be conscious that I am able to drink a little pepsi and be careful not to do it.

The amazing weight loss only lasts about 1 year to 18 months after that we are on our own again and I sure can see where I can regain in a heartbeat.    I am now watching what I put into my mouth. This surgery sounds like the miricle cure. It is not.
 
I do not regret having it for a milisecond but there are a LOT of issues and I am finding myself in a major depression at this time, I have just started taking antidepressants to help. When I was heavy I hatred  how I looked well now I have lost all this weigh I have major skin issues and I look awful. Please don't say it is alright because the hanging skin is really ugly. I have a LOT of it and I am self consious aboutr it to the point where I wear clothes 2 or 3 sizes too big to try to hide it. No matter how well I hide it, I know it is there.

Hi again

Why is it we are never happy with ourselves? Is it possible to be happy with ourselves no matter what we look like? I too suffer with depression (for 8 yrs), so i know how you feel.  Its funny though how we don't see ourselves as we see others.  You see i won't say "its alright" because i know how it feels when someone says that to you...if it was "alright" you wouldn't have brought it up, be depressed over it, wish for the world it would go away, be angry that you've done all this work and still not be happy with what you see or how you feel.   And i know how it feels when someone tells you to concentrate on the positive and not the negative...you want to scream!  But it truly is different when your looking for the outside - i see you as a stong, successful individual who took a tool they were given and put everything they had into it to make it work for them. PLEASE try to see your success and how much healthier you are...i bet there are innumerable things you can and do now that you couldn't do before losing the weight - think of these, look at your before pics and remind yourself how far you've come.  Most importantly, seek out a professional you can talk to...antidepressants help and are important but so are your thoughts and feelings.  Probably the most important thing i can tell you in dealing with depression is having support - don't hide it.  It took me many years to realize the importance of discussing my thoughts and feelings...learn from me.  I know i can't assume to know how your feeling re these post weight loss issues but i can empathize with your feelings of depression and if there is anyway i can help, i'm here.    

Thank you 2010krw. Yes there most definately are more positives than negatives following this surgery. I can do much more now and I can move much easier.

When I walk into a restaurant I am no longer the thing to be stared at and whispered about anymore. I blend in seamlessly with everyine and thankfully am no longer noticed. I really LOVE that. I am no longer "different". People who are really heavy understand that statement completely.
 
No one stares at my plate at a buffet anymore. That's really funny too. In 2008 I used to get 2 really full plates and people would stare. Now I go back 15 times and get 1 tablespoon full of food and no one notices. Too funny!

I suppose because I look "normal" I can get away with almost anything. lol  I suffer depression off and on have for years. I just find when I am depressed I dislike myself more than usual. Thank you for the offer to talk. This too shall pass.

 Hope today was a better day.  I got a good chuckle out of your restaurant story re no one looking now and you only have a tbsp of food on your plate, lol.