Gaining weight and too tight!

Things are pretty mixed up for me!  I am up 7 lbs over the last three months, yet everytime I try to eat the food gets stuck in my throat and I choke and vomit.  The only way I can get anything down is to flu**** down with a drink.

The pain when I eat is so intense that I have to walk the pain off or throw up.  I try eating slower, but now I find I dread eating.

I have been suffering from severe depression for years, and without my crutch of food (bingeing and starving) it has made my sadness deepen.

I keep trying to get past this.  I hope it works.  I am taking the one hour at a time approach right now...eat a little food, drink some water an hour after I eat and try not to drown my disappointment in myself with food!

Am I the only one suffering?  I see all the successes here, but I would love to know if others are making it hour by hour like me....do you need someone to talk to?  Do I?

Well Chrissy, keep your chin up. If you're at the bottom of the hill, you can only go up, right? I first went for my info session in Dec 2008. That was almost 2 full years ago. Right now I am sitting 10 pounds lighter than on that day. There are many people on here who have struggled with their surgery but have still managed to lose weight, at least to some degree. I have never lost with the exception of the 2 week pre op diet and right after surgery and that is only because I was not eating at all. My lowest weight since that day (march 2009) was 251 but it didn't take long for me to put it back on after I started eating solids again. I have never had a fill that I didn't have unfilled and I have never had a fill that I didn't get stuck on absolutely everything I ate. I spent over a year trying to figure out why and the only thing I can come up with is that I was eating too fast and with too big of bites. Now, I'm not so sure because a couple of months ago I got severe reflux and had to go to emerg. Acid was coming up and out my nose and not when I was eating. Of course, once I went back to the clinic after my unfill, they told me it was due to the stress of losing my mom. I didn't believe that then and I don't now becuase I just got another fill a week and a half ago and I'm too tight again. I have never given up hope that I will one day lose weight but it sure can be discouraging. I stopped coming on here becuase I didn't want to be a negative source for all the newbie's that were so excited about their surgeries. Each time I go to the clinic, I tell the girls that I take full responsibility for my non weight loss becuase I do not follow the rules and in my heart I know this is true but I also can't help thinking that if the surgery is not making me feel full after a small meal,then I must do it solely on my own and if I had the discipline to do that, I wouldn't be here in the first place. As I've said though, I refuse to give up hope that I will someday lose weight and you must also keep the faith. If it means going hour by hour then, by all means, go hour by hour. There is no set schedule that one must follow, only what works best for each and every one of us. Chin up and message me if you need to talk some more. Starr

Please do not go "hour by hour."  You are too tight, and you MUST have an unfill.  I speak from experience.  If you do not have an unfill you are asking for all kinds of trouble with the reflux and increasing your chances of slipping the band.

I understand your anxiety/depression, and know that the way you feel is at least in some part related to your experience right now with the band.  You do NOT, and SHOULD not be suffering.  Please go see the surgeon and have it corrected, and do it soon!! 

The smart thing to do - and really the only thing you should do - is to get an unfill.  Obviously this is not working well for you...

I think eventually you would regret having that foreign object in your body, especially when its not the successful tool you thought it would be for your journey...   The suffering has no pay off.

If the band cant be filled, without acid reflux or vomitting, you could consider having a revision to the sleeve.

I've read a lot of success stories when people haven't lost anything much like your own story.

Good luck and God bless you.. whatever you choose.

The Doctor I saw and the nurse at the clinic are sure it's my depression that is keeping me from lossing weight, but since my second fill in May (and subsequent unfill) things have not been working right.

I personally think I am too tight, but the experts are sure I am wrong.  I am going to see Amanda to see if it is psychological and not physiological.

Thanks for being honest girls.  I have just felt like such a failure....and I was sure no one else was having a hard time like me....I am so glad your sharing the unhappy truth with me now as I need to hear it can be a real struggle.

I think some of us are afraid to say we are struggling.......but isn't that part of this process of sharing to tell the painful truths?

Hey Chrissy...

Whether or not your restriction is psychological or physical, you need at least a slight unfill until you can figure some things out.  I had to have an unfill of 05 cc's last week b/c I was vomiting everything -including liquids- and was suffering from terrible reflux (coughing and vomiting all night).  It wasn't worth the 11 pound weight loss (it was all fluid, anyway, I gained it back in 2 days b/c I was able to rehydrate myself!!).  I'm able to eat now, and right NOW my focus is on making better choices - which is something you need to do with OR without the band.  I am at a restriction level where I can not eat big quantities, but still need to watch my choices, and quantity.  I can't leave it all up to a piece of silicone - it's my body, I am in charge.

My advice (did you ask for it?  LOL) is to get an unfill and baby step it, and remember to take control of the choices you CAN make, working within the constraints the lap band creates.  The lap band is not perfect, and let me tell you I could b*tch about it all day long, and I can honestly say I wouldn't recommend it to anyone - but it does work...and not necessarily with a lot of pain and agony.

Good luck!! :)

Chrissy Iam sorry you are going tho this,Iam having a hard time eatting all the time it goes down to good for me.try not eatting and drinking as you should only drink 1h after you eat.
Iam at the point diff from you I think Iam going to just drink and not eat as Iam not going down any more and this is like this for over 4mth now.I hope it gets better for you.