What does restriction feel like
Hello All,
I have been away from the board for quite some time. I have not been the poster child for Lap Band surgery so I have tended to stay away rather than bring other more successful bandsters down and possibly discourage any waiters out there.
Long story short I think I fell through the cracks and did not get the aftercare I should have received. I was also in my opinion abused by a staff member at the clinic on more than one occasion which did a number on my head. In almost 2 years, I have only received minimal fills, I have gone long stretches without interaction with either the clinic or the doctor's office. At one point the nurse at the clinic who gave me a fill said I should come back in 6 weeks and told me that the secretary would be calling me with an appointment... I did not receive a call for 6 months. I did not seek a fill due to the demeaning attitude of the nurse and the way she spoke to me and treated me. I ended up questioning my decision to have surgery. I also felt guilty for not succeeding and felt that I had let the Doctor down; he had placed enough faith in me to do the procedure and I was not doing well for a number of reasons and so I felt horribly guilty for my lack of success.
About 2 visits ago, Carolyn - an awesome nurse - suggested I see Amanda - the psychologist who works with the clinic. So about 4 visits with her and I mustered the courage to face some truths and some fears and I had a fill on Thursday. I explained to the nurse - whose name I did not get but who was incredibly understanding and encouraging - that I panic at the fill. I second guess myself and I end up only getting about .25 to .5 cc at a time. At nearly 2 years out I had just 5 ccs in my band and was totally wide open. You see, I am terrified that I will be overfilled and I do not know why. The nurse on Thursday encouraged me to tell this to the doctor and he proposed that we "just do it". Put in a cc and then you get up and leave. So I did. I was still panicking when I left - he went so fast.
Now I gurgle - with every sip of liquid I gurgle. It sounds like a tiny burp or blip or something with my mouth closed and if I am talking it sounds totally weird and I have gotten some funny looks from co-workers and hubby when it happens. I have lost 6 pounds since Thursday. With all this gurgling there is no way I can eat puree today or I doubt tomorrow at this rate.
Is this restriction or am I a bit too tight? I would not know, I have never had true restriction since surgery. My weight loss was accomplished buy following the rules, denying my hunger, starving myself and fasting. I have not really truly experienced having the band "WORK" so I don't know how I should be feeling, what I should be experiencing. I have never had restriction, always have been in the "yellow" zone, never been even close to the green zone. So what am I to expect at this point.? I have always been hungry, always been able to eat far more than a cup of food. I have kept myself to a cup and lost weight but been basically starving most of the time. Day in, day out, minute to minute I have had a mental war with myself, with my physical hunger and with my emotional hunger. Head hunger has been held at bay most of the time by sheer will power. The nurse on Thursday said that at 5 cc I was sooooo close. That a cc to a cc an a half and I would have restriction - is this it?
Some of you success stories out there please check in with your experience. What does restriction feel like to you? What have you felt, heard in your body? What have you done to overcome obstacles either emotional or physical? I need so much for this to work, so that I can overcome the issues surrounding lack of aftercare and my own self defeating issues, the resulting depression and self destructive behaviours.
I would like to lose about 50 more pounds. I have lost that much many times in my life. I just want to get to the part of my life where I am in control and not undoing myself in the process.
Thanks all for letting me vent. Hope you are all doing well. I have met some of you and corresponded with a lot of you. You have always been so supportive and encouraging. I hope you can give me a hand here to get a grip. Basically this is my cry for HELP -
Ann
I have been away from the board for quite some time. I have not been the poster child for Lap Band surgery so I have tended to stay away rather than bring other more successful bandsters down and possibly discourage any waiters out there.
Long story short I think I fell through the cracks and did not get the aftercare I should have received. I was also in my opinion abused by a staff member at the clinic on more than one occasion which did a number on my head. In almost 2 years, I have only received minimal fills, I have gone long stretches without interaction with either the clinic or the doctor's office. At one point the nurse at the clinic who gave me a fill said I should come back in 6 weeks and told me that the secretary would be calling me with an appointment... I did not receive a call for 6 months. I did not seek a fill due to the demeaning attitude of the nurse and the way she spoke to me and treated me. I ended up questioning my decision to have surgery. I also felt guilty for not succeeding and felt that I had let the Doctor down; he had placed enough faith in me to do the procedure and I was not doing well for a number of reasons and so I felt horribly guilty for my lack of success.
About 2 visits ago, Carolyn - an awesome nurse - suggested I see Amanda - the psychologist who works with the clinic. So about 4 visits with her and I mustered the courage to face some truths and some fears and I had a fill on Thursday. I explained to the nurse - whose name I did not get but who was incredibly understanding and encouraging - that I panic at the fill. I second guess myself and I end up only getting about .25 to .5 cc at a time. At nearly 2 years out I had just 5 ccs in my band and was totally wide open. You see, I am terrified that I will be overfilled and I do not know why. The nurse on Thursday encouraged me to tell this to the doctor and he proposed that we "just do it". Put in a cc and then you get up and leave. So I did. I was still panicking when I left - he went so fast.
Now I gurgle - with every sip of liquid I gurgle. It sounds like a tiny burp or blip or something with my mouth closed and if I am talking it sounds totally weird and I have gotten some funny looks from co-workers and hubby when it happens. I have lost 6 pounds since Thursday. With all this gurgling there is no way I can eat puree today or I doubt tomorrow at this rate.
Is this restriction or am I a bit too tight? I would not know, I have never had true restriction since surgery. My weight loss was accomplished buy following the rules, denying my hunger, starving myself and fasting. I have not really truly experienced having the band "WORK" so I don't know how I should be feeling, what I should be experiencing. I have never had restriction, always have been in the "yellow" zone, never been even close to the green zone. So what am I to expect at this point.? I have always been hungry, always been able to eat far more than a cup of food. I have kept myself to a cup and lost weight but been basically starving most of the time. Day in, day out, minute to minute I have had a mental war with myself, with my physical hunger and with my emotional hunger. Head hunger has been held at bay most of the time by sheer will power. The nurse on Thursday said that at 5 cc I was sooooo close. That a cc to a cc an a half and I would have restriction - is this it?
Some of you success stories out there please check in with your experience. What does restriction feel like to you? What have you felt, heard in your body? What have you done to overcome obstacles either emotional or physical? I need so much for this to work, so that I can overcome the issues surrounding lack of aftercare and my own self defeating issues, the resulting depression and self destructive behaviours.
I would like to lose about 50 more pounds. I have lost that much many times in my life. I just want to get to the part of my life where I am in control and not undoing myself in the process.
Thanks all for letting me vent. Hope you are all doing well. I have met some of you and corresponded with a lot of you. You have always been so supportive and encouraging. I hope you can give me a hand here to get a grip. Basically this is my cry for HELP -
Ann
Hi Ann,
Good to hear from you again. What restriction feels like is probably different for everyone. I have had and still have, the gurgling sound effects. For myself, I know I have restriction when I am satisfied with a cup of food. Sometimes, I cannot finish and that's ok too.
There are a couple of things I attribute to my success. First thing I would say has been making healthy food choices. As much as possible, I eat whole, unprocessed foods and very little meat. I do eat a lot of grains as a meat alternative. I try to stay away from "empty calories". Yes, there are plenty 100 calories snacks out there, but they are empty calories of processed goop devoid of nutritional value for the most part. Did you know that you need to run almost a mile to burn off 100 calories? That always makes me think twice before putting something in my mouth!
Alternatives: when I crave something sweet, I eat about three dates along with some nuts. The dates I buy are a high quality and soft and are a good alternative to satisfy the need for something sweet. I have found several baked rice crackers that I love to eat with hummus.
Breakfast, lunch, dinner and two snacks every day. I always have protein when I eat; nuts, cheese, hummus. Don't skip any meals or snacks; they are vital.
Last but not least, I work my a$$ off at the gym. My two favorite things are running and yoga. You just have to find some form of exercise that works for you and stick with it.
This is what works for me. Experiment with the "formula" and you will find one that is to your liking. Hang in there Ann; you can do this.
Jet
Good to hear from you again. What restriction feels like is probably different for everyone. I have had and still have, the gurgling sound effects. For myself, I know I have restriction when I am satisfied with a cup of food. Sometimes, I cannot finish and that's ok too.
There are a couple of things I attribute to my success. First thing I would say has been making healthy food choices. As much as possible, I eat whole, unprocessed foods and very little meat. I do eat a lot of grains as a meat alternative. I try to stay away from "empty calories". Yes, there are plenty 100 calories snacks out there, but they are empty calories of processed goop devoid of nutritional value for the most part. Did you know that you need to run almost a mile to burn off 100 calories? That always makes me think twice before putting something in my mouth!
Alternatives: when I crave something sweet, I eat about three dates along with some nuts. The dates I buy are a high quality and soft and are a good alternative to satisfy the need for something sweet. I have found several baked rice crackers that I love to eat with hummus.
Breakfast, lunch, dinner and two snacks every day. I always have protein when I eat; nuts, cheese, hummus. Don't skip any meals or snacks; they are vital.
Last but not least, I work my a$$ off at the gym. My two favorite things are running and yoga. You just have to find some form of exercise that works for you and stick with it.
This is what works for me. Experiment with the "formula" and you will find one that is to your liking. Hang in there Ann; you can do this.
Jet
Thanks Jet - hugs to you. I have found an activity that I love love love and that is swimming. I go at least 3 times a week. I do serious water aerobics for about 45 minutes and cool down with some leisure swimming. I wish I could walk more but my hip just will not allow it. park further away at stores etc and I try to take the stairs more often now.
The gurgle thing is new to me after all this time so it kind of scared me a bit. I have been doing mixed liquids all day yesterday and today not to mention the day of the fill. I think I will attempt a bit of yogurt tomorrow morning and then go from there. I have always been able to do fish, chicken and I always try to eat my protein first. My biggest problem has been portions because of being so wide open. Hunger is very real for me and has been since surgery. A meal does not last more than an hour or so and then you can hear my tummy growl across a crowded room I dare say. The day before my fill I had lunch in a restaurant and was able to eat an entire sandwich and a few fries without any difficulty - far more than a cup - and an hour later I was hungry. Not just thinking I wanted to eat but audibly hungry. So I tried some water thinking it may be thirst but no - that just made the audible hunger louder.
I expressed this frustration at the clinic when she who shall remain nameless was still there and she bascially acted like I was lying - she was rude and I just felt like I was not being heard. I have spent the better part of the last 2 years denying serious hunger. Recently after some very stressful events I just gave up I guess and started feeding the hunger as best I could. I will not pretend that I was making all wise choices I certainly was not but for the most part I was. However I do not believe that it has ever been a quality issue for me- it has always been a quantity issue.
Thanks so much for your advice and sharing your experience with me - it was my hope when I made my appeal that people like you would tell me how you are doing it - how it feels for you, what is "normal" for you so that I can identify it in myself and know that I am doing okay or if I have to make a few adjustments to my routine.
I appreciate your comments so much.
Thanks again,
Ann
The gurgle thing is new to me after all this time so it kind of scared me a bit. I have been doing mixed liquids all day yesterday and today not to mention the day of the fill. I think I will attempt a bit of yogurt tomorrow morning and then go from there. I have always been able to do fish, chicken and I always try to eat my protein first. My biggest problem has been portions because of being so wide open. Hunger is very real for me and has been since surgery. A meal does not last more than an hour or so and then you can hear my tummy growl across a crowded room I dare say. The day before my fill I had lunch in a restaurant and was able to eat an entire sandwich and a few fries without any difficulty - far more than a cup - and an hour later I was hungry. Not just thinking I wanted to eat but audibly hungry. So I tried some water thinking it may be thirst but no - that just made the audible hunger louder.
I expressed this frustration at the clinic when she who shall remain nameless was still there and she bascially acted like I was lying - she was rude and I just felt like I was not being heard. I have spent the better part of the last 2 years denying serious hunger. Recently after some very stressful events I just gave up I guess and started feeding the hunger as best I could. I will not pretend that I was making all wise choices I certainly was not but for the most part I was. However I do not believe that it has ever been a quality issue for me- it has always been a quantity issue.
Thanks so much for your advice and sharing your experience with me - it was my hope when I made my appeal that people like you would tell me how you are doing it - how it feels for you, what is "normal" for you so that I can identify it in myself and know that I am doing okay or if I have to make a few adjustments to my routine.
I appreciate your comments so much.
Thanks again,
Ann
You are the one who knows how you are feeling; whether or not you are in the yellow zone. When I have needed an appointment, I call the office myself. Ultimitely, the Dr. will decide what is going on and what to do.
I know it's sometimes easier said than done but, don't let things like what happened prevent you from getting the full benefits of your band. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. I did when I wasn't feeling well and after further tests, they discovered I had H. Pilori bacteria.
I would try the puree tomorrow. Remember to go nice and slow. Good luck and let us know how you make out.
Jet
I know it's sometimes easier said than done but, don't let things like what happened prevent you from getting the full benefits of your band. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. I did when I wasn't feeling well and after further tests, they discovered I had H. Pilori bacteria.
I would try the puree tomorrow. Remember to go nice and slow. Good luck and let us know how you make out.
Jet
Wonderful to hear from you again.
The only thing I can add to Jet's good advise (which I agree with, other than the minimal meal. That does not work for everyone). is to buy a small baby spoon and use it. Even with the small spoon, put it down between spoonfuls. The biggest mistakes I make when i am going back to restriction is too big bites, and eating too fast. It is hard to take 20 minutes to eat a cup of food. If you are really worried about things getting stuck- which isn't all that bad really- have a hot liquid before eating like tea or coffee. It relaxes the band. Tension is the worst thing for getting stuck. When you move on to solids, cut the food up so small that you normally (without a band) could swallow it without chewing. You can slowly increase the size, but , especially with meat, you will always cut very small bites- like 2 CC at most.
I gurgle most of the time too, but especially if I swallow air when I drink. Try exhaling through your nose before swallowing, and sip, sip, sip. The one thing I look forward to after an unfill is being able to drink several swallows in a row when I am hot. You can't do that when the band is in the green zone. Treat all liquid like a cup of too hot coffee. It is anoying, but you will get used to it.
Don't move on to mushies or solids until you are comfortable with the current stage. Take it slower than usual- have a mostly liquid meal and add a couple of bites of mushhies food.
Keep in touch, we will pull together to get you through this.
The only thing I can add to Jet's good advise (which I agree with, other than the minimal meal. That does not work for everyone). is to buy a small baby spoon and use it. Even with the small spoon, put it down between spoonfuls. The biggest mistakes I make when i am going back to restriction is too big bites, and eating too fast. It is hard to take 20 minutes to eat a cup of food. If you are really worried about things getting stuck- which isn't all that bad really- have a hot liquid before eating like tea or coffee. It relaxes the band. Tension is the worst thing for getting stuck. When you move on to solids, cut the food up so small that you normally (without a band) could swallow it without chewing. You can slowly increase the size, but , especially with meat, you will always cut very small bites- like 2 CC at most.
I gurgle most of the time too, but especially if I swallow air when I drink. Try exhaling through your nose before swallowing, and sip, sip, sip. The one thing I look forward to after an unfill is being able to drink several swallows in a row when I am hot. You can't do that when the band is in the green zone. Treat all liquid like a cup of too hot coffee. It is anoying, but you will get used to it.
Don't move on to mushies or solids until you are comfortable with the current stage. Take it slower than usual- have a mostly liquid meal and add a couple of bites of mushhies food.
Keep in touch, we will pull together to get you through this.
. 
Hey Charline - thanks so much for the encouragement!
I am doing well so far and I am kind of excited because I think I have restriction!!! AT LAST!!!
I had a tiny half cup of pureed supper last evening but mostly I have still been doing the liquid thing because of the gurgling and I just want to make sure I am comfortable as I go foward.
I sure can't drink in gulps and that is a first as well. Who knew it would take this long to get to this stage. Having never experienced real restriction, I had no idea what to expect and I suspect I still don't but I felt that if I could have some anecdotal input from people who have experienced real restriction, then I might be able to manage a bit better.
For now I am feeling pretty happy about things. I will try a bit of supper today and see how that feels. So far today I have had 500 mls of water, a small coffee (not normal for me but Hubby had made a fresh pot and I thought I would like to give it a try). Breakfast was a high protien Ensure and lunch was a V8 juice. I also had about a half cup of vanilla yogurt for a snack. For supper I am going to puree some veggies and some chicken along with a bit a chicken broth to make it a nice consistancy. Between now and supper I am going to try to get another 500 mls of water in and then this evening I am going to try for another 500 mls of water. I may have a carnation Instant breakfast later for a snack as well. I find the mixed liquids/puree very hard to manage - it feels like you are pretty much drinking all the time just to get a few ounces in. I have had several cases of the hiccups due to drinking too much or too fast. It takes me about a half hour just to get my meds down in the morning. I go very slow and break big ones in 4 or more pieces.
So you can see this is almost like starting over for me. I hope the restriction continues and if it does not last long - I am going back for another " fill and just leave session". If I have a panic attack oh well. I will have to just embrace the fact that I react that way and try to move forward.
So far so good. I have taken your advice and Jet's and I just hope that I can make this work. I have come too far to fail now. I have gained some weight - about 15 pounds I think so I have to get that off and then move forward from there. I am still swimming and that is not going to change anytime soon. I love it. I do hard and fast aerobic movements and then some leisure swimming at the very end of the hour.
Thanks to you and Jet for your responses, your understanding and your encouragement - it means more to me than words can say.
Ann
I am doing well so far and I am kind of excited because I think I have restriction!!! AT LAST!!!
I had a tiny half cup of pureed supper last evening but mostly I have still been doing the liquid thing because of the gurgling and I just want to make sure I am comfortable as I go foward.
I sure can't drink in gulps and that is a first as well. Who knew it would take this long to get to this stage. Having never experienced real restriction, I had no idea what to expect and I suspect I still don't but I felt that if I could have some anecdotal input from people who have experienced real restriction, then I might be able to manage a bit better.
For now I am feeling pretty happy about things. I will try a bit of supper today and see how that feels. So far today I have had 500 mls of water, a small coffee (not normal for me but Hubby had made a fresh pot and I thought I would like to give it a try). Breakfast was a high protien Ensure and lunch was a V8 juice. I also had about a half cup of vanilla yogurt for a snack. For supper I am going to puree some veggies and some chicken along with a bit a chicken broth to make it a nice consistancy. Between now and supper I am going to try to get another 500 mls of water in and then this evening I am going to try for another 500 mls of water. I may have a carnation Instant breakfast later for a snack as well. I find the mixed liquids/puree very hard to manage - it feels like you are pretty much drinking all the time just to get a few ounces in. I have had several cases of the hiccups due to drinking too much or too fast. It takes me about a half hour just to get my meds down in the morning. I go very slow and break big ones in 4 or more pieces.
So you can see this is almost like starting over for me. I hope the restriction continues and if it does not last long - I am going back for another " fill and just leave session". If I have a panic attack oh well. I will have to just embrace the fact that I react that way and try to move forward.
So far so good. I have taken your advice and Jet's and I just hope that I can make this work. I have come too far to fail now. I have gained some weight - about 15 pounds I think so I have to get that off and then move forward from there. I am still swimming and that is not going to change anytime soon. I love it. I do hard and fast aerobic movements and then some leisure swimming at the very end of the hour.
Thanks to you and Jet for your responses, your understanding and your encouragement - it means more to me than words can say.
Ann
Ann
I so very much enjoyed our chat the other day and reconnecting- I am sorry that your journey has been such a struggle and for your mental stress as well.
I can relate to the mental stress and not believing we are worthy of this tool. I still can remember my first 6 months post op when I was terribly ill and everything stuck and nothing would stay down- I kept asking why cant I be like everyone else- what am I doing wrong - we are our own worst enemy and how hard we are on ourselves.
I hope that you can continue to work through your issues with the psychologist you have seen - I know that I have had many lightbulb moments seeing one- however I stopped seeing her cold turkey a while back - life got so stressful that I could not even find the strength to see someone to hash through the issues- as I type it out it sounds ridiculous but thats where I am /was at. I am resolved to returning to therapy in September when vacations are over and my daughter has returned to school. If I am going to win the war I need to get some more tools in my tool belt .
I cracked my tailbone almost a month ago and when my back puts me out of commission I am dangerous - I go looking to food for comfort and falling back into old patterns - this time I see it more clearly and I am trying to stay on target. Trying!
Hopefully your pouch is behaving and you are feeling more confident with your restriction.
Take care & big hugs
deb
STARTING 2010 WITH A BANG! 160 LBS LOST!
WLS JOURNEY: HW-292/SW-273/CW-132-GOAL 125LBS
WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK IT - ME - 132 LBS ! omg
- Happy to be Brenda B's angel !
I too enjoyed our chat - I think I am okay thus far. I have restriction. I really have to sip liquids and have not been able to eat a whole lot of anything. Definitely finding a cup of food almost too filling. I am not pushing myself to eat more than that and I am often happier having a Boost or an Ensure for one of my meals. My weight is not going down but then I have not been very active for the last few days. I plan on having an active weekend so hopefully that will make up for sitting at my desk and being too tired in the evenings to do much of anything except laundry and dishes.
Yesterday was my grand daughter's second birthday party and I just kept a low profile and did not eat anything that was being served. I busied myself with cleaning up after the mess etc. I took a boost with me and put it in a coffee mug and kept busy. If anyone noticed they didn't say anything.
I am taking one day at a time, one urge at a time and trying not to have a pity party. I have to focus on the reason why I did this and let go of the past and try to recreate a different relationship with food.
If anyone ever says this is the easy way out, they better duck 'cause I will crack 'em in the jaw. This is the best thing I have ever done for myself but it is also the hardest thing I have ever done.
Thanks for all the support and encouragement.
Ann
Yesterday was my grand daughter's second birthday party and I just kept a low profile and did not eat anything that was being served. I busied myself with cleaning up after the mess etc. I took a boost with me and put it in a coffee mug and kept busy. If anyone noticed they didn't say anything.
I am taking one day at a time, one urge at a time and trying not to have a pity party. I have to focus on the reason why I did this and let go of the past and try to recreate a different relationship with food.
If anyone ever says this is the easy way out, they better duck 'cause I will crack 'em in the jaw. This is the best thing I have ever done for myself but it is also the hardest thing I have ever done.
Thanks for all the support and encouragement.
Ann
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