Scared to try again.

Well, with summer almost over I am feeling the need to start trying to lose weight again.  With a consultation years away I am starting to realize that I  have to take matters into my own hands so that I don't die waiting (a very sobberitng thought!).  Last week my daughter spent the week with my parents.  When I picked her up on Friday she was so happy to see me.  I know she missed me alot and I have barely been able to detach her from my side ever since.  It made me wonder what would happen to her if I were to die.  She needs her mom.  And I need her.

I am afraid to try again because I have already had so many failures.  i don't know that my ego/moral can take another failure.  It was so easy to get myself into this position but as you all know it is so frustratingly difficult to get out of it.  I don't know where to start or where to turn to.  I hate myself for what i have let myself become.  What kind of a mother am I to have taken sure poor care of myself?  The fact that I couldn't conceive on my own  (let me clarify that: without fertility treatments) should have been my first clue that i needed to do something about my weight. 

I am afraid that I have hit rock bottom and I don't know how to pick myself back up again.

It saddens me to read your post...I understand the feelings you are going through all too well, except I dont have any children, unfortunately I missed that chance because of my obesity and neglecting my health.  You can do this, you have to do this...for you and your daughter.  She needs you. Time to take your life back girl!  Get in a fight with food....and you will feel power.  Even though I have had my surgery, it is still a struggle EVERY day.  Make small goals....try focusing on losing 2 lbs a week...just 2 lbs.  Eat healthy, go for walks with your daughter and talk positive....NO negative talk.  Get your daughter involved in eating healthy, she will keep your morale going.  Take small steps but for heavens sake take the first step!  Its the hardest but so satisfying.  I look forward to hearing your updates and your progress. 

I certainly can relate to what you are saying. In the summer of 2008 I was at my wits end. I had waited years to get in to see Dr. B. with no hope in sight of seeing him anytime soon I was at the end of my rope. I had type 2 diabetes, (with poor control) asthma ,edema and breathing was so hard. I had to take matters into my own hands and do something. I chose a 1200 calorie a day diet plan and gave up soda pop.
 
That was in May of 2008. In November I got called to see Dr. B. By that time I had lost almost 50 pounds on my own. The rest of course is history. I had my surgery in February and by then had lost 56 pounds on my own. I truly believe if I had not gotten the call I would have gone on with my own weight loss on my own .

I was so bloody sick and tired of being sick and tired. I think the final straw for me was at the first of May I was admitted to hospital with chest pain and heart symptoms and finally said to myself"I will be dammed if I will let fat kill me" "There are a lot of diseases out there that I have no control over but I'll be damned if I will let food kill me." My sons needed me and it would be a fruitless to let food take me away from them. I got serious about losing the weight then and there and started my diet.

You go for it karasmom. You can't lose when you are trying to help yourself.