brought forward - Whatever happened to..........
Ann - Warning if you want inspiration - don't read this.
Well I am still here - I lurk - I struggle - I need a fill but won't be getting one until I get back from a trip that we are taking starting Feb 8 and won't be bac****il March 2. I have needed a fill for about 2 months now but just have not felt like I was ready emotionally to go to the clinic I will tell you why later. After I get back, Nathalie said she would call me again (she called last week to see if I needed a fill and to find out how I am doing). I am actually about 7 pounds heavier than I was last year this time. Not cool by any stretch but not something I am overly upset about.
I eat wrong things from time to time and I make bad choices every once in a while and I don't exercise nearly enough. But most of the time I make good choices and I do exercise 4 or 5 times a week. I have been doing better since the holidays and I am trying to get rid of at least these 7 pounds. When I say better - I am doing better ignoring the hunger. One hard thing for me is the emotional eating. I have had a rough year emotionally and that has nothing to do with my band and everything to do with the fact that I worry about things and I fret something fierce, I have been overwhelmed with life matters. My parents are elderly and needy and I am an only child. They call me many times a day and they are so demanding. So I end up sometimes doing the worst thing I can do - I medicate with food. Things like frozen yogurt, chocolate - you know slider foods. I don't do it every day but I do it enough to have not lost but gained 7 pounds in the last year. I don't know how to get over the head hunger or if I ever will.
Overall - although happy with how well I was doing pre and immediately post op, I have not done as well as I had hoped. Not only do I feel that I have let myself down but also I feel let down by the clinic. No matter how many times I have told them that I am hungry only 1 or 2 hours after eating and that if I ALLOWED myself, I could eat a lot more than a cup of food - they insist it 's me. They insist that I am not using the band rules. And I feel I am using the rules more often than not at least until I get so hungry I can't stand it any longer. Chew chew chew, no drinking 30 mins before or 1 hour after, no drinking during meals, no carbonated beverages, I don't drink alchol, I try to eat 3 meals, low calorie snacks, weigh and measure food etc etc. I do this day in and day out and I am nearly always hungry, ravenous sometimes shortly after I eat. Eat a cup of food sloooooowly, chew chew chew, small bites, use small utensils, smaller plate, and an hour later shhhh whats that - growlling tummy, soo hungry. My tummy growls so loud sometimes that my co-worker can hear it in the other room. I watch the clock so as not to eat too soon after a meal or snack, I watch the clock so as not to drink too soon after the meal, I watch the clock because I am hungry and want to eat but shouldn't because I should not be hungry yet. And all the while the clinic says it me. At my last fill I did not feel like they wanted to believe me - they wanted me to admit to something that was not true and the way she looked at me out of the corner of her eye with her head tipped it was like "now Ann....." and then they only put .5 cc in. So here I am over a year out with barely 5 cc in my band. So it got to the point that I was avoiding the clinic because I just did not feel like going there only to have them make me feel like I was doing everything wrong when I was starving myself to try to at least keep up.
So because I believe I need a couple of fills in close proximimity, I often feel like I am in a constant state of deprivation. I don't think I have ever really experienced restriction and hunger is very real for me always. As for the zones - the sweet spot - I have no idea what that feels like. Whatever progress I have made in this and whatever I have managed to maintain has been done with sheer will power and nothing else.
Now I am sure that it all sounds like I am just making excuses. Perhaps I am but darn it all they told me that this band was supposed to help me feel full - for hours. It was supposed to send the signal to my brain that I was full sooner because the nerves are up near the top of the stomach. My pouch was only going to be able to hold little bits of food. Well that is not quite what I ever got that is for sure.
Dr. Beau told me on day one, "the band does not fail the patient, its the patient that fails the band". Well then if that is so I guess I get a big F. And most of the time I do feel like a failure.
Then there is the issue with a person, lets call her Janet, a friend or so I thought, who I let in on my decision and even though I told her that I was telling her in confidence and please don't share - well guess what - she told everybody she knew practically and that is a lot of people since she is a hairdresser - not my hairdresser just someone I had been friends with for years and years. So now when I am with some of these people they watch me like a hawk - its like what are you eating that for, what's that in your grocery cart. Seriously! You would not believe it how many people feel they are my band surgery police. My food monitors. I thought I was being so careful who I told. And Janet, when I called her on it even had the gall to lie to me and say she had only told the 2 people I knew about at the time. I have since found out that she told everyone we know mutually. Some of those people are kind about it, some are supportive but most are critical and mean and hurtful and the look at me like I am from another planet. One person flat out asked me when I was having a small piece of chocolate one day just before Christmas - "are you supposed to be eating that in your condition?" I said "what condition - I am not pregnant" and I laughted (I am 56 you see). And she said "well after that fancy surgery you had, aren't you supposed to be skinny by now? You won't get skinny stuffing your face with chocolate!" That was when I realized just how betrayed I felt. A person who I thought was a dear friend had done the unthinkable. (and this is not the lovely lady, Sandy, that was with me at the clinic one day when some of you met her - she has been a rock and a wonderful supporter) The agony of it all really hit me hard. The entire betayal was a kick in the teeth. I have not spoken with my betrayer for months now and I doubt I will ever want to see her again.
So most of the enthusiam and joy that I had initiallly - has either been lost or stolen along the way. I wanted so to be a success at this and to be helpful to others and now I just feel like I can never be honestly helpful to another soul without being critical of myself. I don't regret the surgery. I never will. If I never lose another pound I will be fine. I am well and so much stronger. What I do regret is telling that person - trusting her when I should not have trusted her. I regret not being more proactive in my after care. I regret not being stronger emotionally. I regret not being firmer with the clinic in letting them know just how hungry I am most of the time and how hard I stuggle just to get to the end of the day. I regret the tears I have cried over the hurt, over the frustration, over the hunger, over the emotional hunger, over the physical hunger, over a lot of things.
However all that being said. I am way healthier than I was and able to do so much more. I use my treadmill a lot more than I used to but just not enough. But I can walk faster and further and I love being able to get on the floor with my grandkids and play with them and not worry about how the heck am I gonna get up.
I hope my trip is rejuvenating and that I can come home with a renewed determination to make this work and not to let other people try to tell me that I am not hungry when I am.
I love all of you and watch your successes and cheer for you. Keep me in your good thoughts please as I try to find myself again and get back to where I need to be. Oh and thanks for letting me vent. I feel better for it. I hope I have not said something to turn anyone off the surgery. It is a lifesaving surgery and no matter what I am glad I had it. I just wish that I had done a better job of managing it thus far. I am committed to trying to do better from now on and that is what matters. I am over all still 62 pound down in total from my highest weight. I would like to lose another 57 pounds and then I would say that if I can maintain it - I will be able to say I had a successful surgery.
Ann
Well I am still here - I lurk - I struggle - I need a fill but won't be getting one until I get back from a trip that we are taking starting Feb 8 and won't be bac****il March 2. I have needed a fill for about 2 months now but just have not felt like I was ready emotionally to go to the clinic I will tell you why later. After I get back, Nathalie said she would call me again (she called last week to see if I needed a fill and to find out how I am doing). I am actually about 7 pounds heavier than I was last year this time. Not cool by any stretch but not something I am overly upset about.
I eat wrong things from time to time and I make bad choices every once in a while and I don't exercise nearly enough. But most of the time I make good choices and I do exercise 4 or 5 times a week. I have been doing better since the holidays and I am trying to get rid of at least these 7 pounds. When I say better - I am doing better ignoring the hunger. One hard thing for me is the emotional eating. I have had a rough year emotionally and that has nothing to do with my band and everything to do with the fact that I worry about things and I fret something fierce, I have been overwhelmed with life matters. My parents are elderly and needy and I am an only child. They call me many times a day and they are so demanding. So I end up sometimes doing the worst thing I can do - I medicate with food. Things like frozen yogurt, chocolate - you know slider foods. I don't do it every day but I do it enough to have not lost but gained 7 pounds in the last year. I don't know how to get over the head hunger or if I ever will.
Overall - although happy with how well I was doing pre and immediately post op, I have not done as well as I had hoped. Not only do I feel that I have let myself down but also I feel let down by the clinic. No matter how many times I have told them that I am hungry only 1 or 2 hours after eating and that if I ALLOWED myself, I could eat a lot more than a cup of food - they insist it 's me. They insist that I am not using the band rules. And I feel I am using the rules more often than not at least until I get so hungry I can't stand it any longer. Chew chew chew, no drinking 30 mins before or 1 hour after, no drinking during meals, no carbonated beverages, I don't drink alchol, I try to eat 3 meals, low calorie snacks, weigh and measure food etc etc. I do this day in and day out and I am nearly always hungry, ravenous sometimes shortly after I eat. Eat a cup of food sloooooowly, chew chew chew, small bites, use small utensils, smaller plate, and an hour later shhhh whats that - growlling tummy, soo hungry. My tummy growls so loud sometimes that my co-worker can hear it in the other room. I watch the clock so as not to eat too soon after a meal or snack, I watch the clock so as not to drink too soon after the meal, I watch the clock because I am hungry and want to eat but shouldn't because I should not be hungry yet. And all the while the clinic says it me. At my last fill I did not feel like they wanted to believe me - they wanted me to admit to something that was not true and the way she looked at me out of the corner of her eye with her head tipped it was like "now Ann....." and then they only put .5 cc in. So here I am over a year out with barely 5 cc in my band. So it got to the point that I was avoiding the clinic because I just did not feel like going there only to have them make me feel like I was doing everything wrong when I was starving myself to try to at least keep up.
So because I believe I need a couple of fills in close proximimity, I often feel like I am in a constant state of deprivation. I don't think I have ever really experienced restriction and hunger is very real for me always. As for the zones - the sweet spot - I have no idea what that feels like. Whatever progress I have made in this and whatever I have managed to maintain has been done with sheer will power and nothing else.
Now I am sure that it all sounds like I am just making excuses. Perhaps I am but darn it all they told me that this band was supposed to help me feel full - for hours. It was supposed to send the signal to my brain that I was full sooner because the nerves are up near the top of the stomach. My pouch was only going to be able to hold little bits of food. Well that is not quite what I ever got that is for sure.
Dr. Beau told me on day one, "the band does not fail the patient, its the patient that fails the band". Well then if that is so I guess I get a big F. And most of the time I do feel like a failure.
Then there is the issue with a person, lets call her Janet, a friend or so I thought, who I let in on my decision and even though I told her that I was telling her in confidence and please don't share - well guess what - she told everybody she knew practically and that is a lot of people since she is a hairdresser - not my hairdresser just someone I had been friends with for years and years. So now when I am with some of these people they watch me like a hawk - its like what are you eating that for, what's that in your grocery cart. Seriously! You would not believe it how many people feel they are my band surgery police. My food monitors. I thought I was being so careful who I told. And Janet, when I called her on it even had the gall to lie to me and say she had only told the 2 people I knew about at the time. I have since found out that she told everyone we know mutually. Some of those people are kind about it, some are supportive but most are critical and mean and hurtful and the look at me like I am from another planet. One person flat out asked me when I was having a small piece of chocolate one day just before Christmas - "are you supposed to be eating that in your condition?" I said "what condition - I am not pregnant" and I laughted (I am 56 you see). And she said "well after that fancy surgery you had, aren't you supposed to be skinny by now? You won't get skinny stuffing your face with chocolate!" That was when I realized just how betrayed I felt. A person who I thought was a dear friend had done the unthinkable. (and this is not the lovely lady, Sandy, that was with me at the clinic one day when some of you met her - she has been a rock and a wonderful supporter) The agony of it all really hit me hard. The entire betayal was a kick in the teeth. I have not spoken with my betrayer for months now and I doubt I will ever want to see her again.
So most of the enthusiam and joy that I had initiallly - has either been lost or stolen along the way. I wanted so to be a success at this and to be helpful to others and now I just feel like I can never be honestly helpful to another soul without being critical of myself. I don't regret the surgery. I never will. If I never lose another pound I will be fine. I am well and so much stronger. What I do regret is telling that person - trusting her when I should not have trusted her. I regret not being more proactive in my after care. I regret not being stronger emotionally. I regret not being firmer with the clinic in letting them know just how hungry I am most of the time and how hard I stuggle just to get to the end of the day. I regret the tears I have cried over the hurt, over the frustration, over the hunger, over the emotional hunger, over the physical hunger, over a lot of things.
However all that being said. I am way healthier than I was and able to do so much more. I use my treadmill a lot more than I used to but just not enough. But I can walk faster and further and I love being able to get on the floor with my grandkids and play with them and not worry about how the heck am I gonna get up.
I hope my trip is rejuvenating and that I can come home with a renewed determination to make this work and not to let other people try to tell me that I am not hungry when I am.
I love all of you and watch your successes and cheer for you. Keep me in your good thoughts please as I try to find myself again and get back to where I need to be. Oh and thanks for letting me vent. I feel better for it. I hope I have not said something to turn anyone off the surgery. It is a lifesaving surgery and no matter what I am glad I had it. I just wish that I had done a better job of managing it thus far. I am committed to trying to do better from now on and that is what matters. I am over all still 62 pound down in total from my highest weight. I would like to lose another 57 pounds and then I would say that if I can maintain it - I will be able to say I had a successful surgery.
Ann
marymother
on 1/21/10 9:11 pm, edited 1/21/10 9:14 pm - saint john, Canada
on 1/21/10 9:11 pm, edited 1/21/10 9:14 pm - saint john, Canada
Sweet Ann, my love YOU did not fail your band. Your band failed you. I am more on main board forum than anywhere else and I see actually most bands fail people than any other surgery. I am not saying this to spare your feelings nor am I saying this to turn anyone from getting the band, I am just stating what I have read from other forums on OH.
Please Ann go to the other forums on OH and read for yourself. If you see there are so many others having the same exact problems that you are you will know it is not YOU who failed. I see a lot of banders in the US are getting revisions to other surgeries like the sleeve and bypasses. It is not just YOU Ann who is in this awful boat that you are in. It seems to be a common complaint with people who have the band. I am not dissing the band so everyone don't jump on me about it. I am just stating a fact that can be easily verified by going to the revision board of this site. Like A:LL other weight loss surgeries, all of them work for some people and ALL fail for some people. There is no ONE SIZE FITS ALL in weight loss surgeries. People do not fail surgery, surgery fails people. How are you supposed to fight mind numbing hunger? Shouldn't your surgery help prevent that?
I believe that you do follow the rules and I also know that you are human and as such you will of course eat "bad" foods. According to my own nut, there is no such thing as bad foods. According to my nut, "bad" foods can be eaten in moderation. Skinny people eat "bad" foods in moderation too.
As for your friend betraying you, there is NO EXCUSE for that. If she thinks this is what passes for friendship, she is sadly mistaken. She darn well should know better. With friends like her, who needs enemies? What makes others think they have the right to comment on what you eat or buy? You have a better constitution that I do to tolerate that. If that were me, somebody would have gotten told where to go and how to get there long before now. In no uncertain terms with a few expletives thrown in to boot. You, my dear, are way way too nice to these hurtful idiots.
Ann, go on vacation and have a wonderful time. Maybe when you get home you will feel better from having a relaxing time away. Please Ann, don't let others decide how you feel about yourself. You have done amazingly well and if you are up 7 pounds, so what? You feel better about yourself and you are able to move better and every day above ground is a good day! Come back to us here at OH Ann. Vent, scream, swear **** and moan and whatever else you need to do to get it off your chest. We are here and we will support whatever you feel today. Don't sit home feeling bad and alone when we are all here with huge ears and big shoulders. ((HUGS)) my friend.
Please Ann go to the other forums on OH and read for yourself. If you see there are so many others having the same exact problems that you are you will know it is not YOU who failed. I see a lot of banders in the US are getting revisions to other surgeries like the sleeve and bypasses. It is not just YOU Ann who is in this awful boat that you are in. It seems to be a common complaint with people who have the band. I am not dissing the band so everyone don't jump on me about it. I am just stating a fact that can be easily verified by going to the revision board of this site. Like A:LL other weight loss surgeries, all of them work for some people and ALL fail for some people. There is no ONE SIZE FITS ALL in weight loss surgeries. People do not fail surgery, surgery fails people. How are you supposed to fight mind numbing hunger? Shouldn't your surgery help prevent that?
I believe that you do follow the rules and I also know that you are human and as such you will of course eat "bad" foods. According to my own nut, there is no such thing as bad foods. According to my nut, "bad" foods can be eaten in moderation. Skinny people eat "bad" foods in moderation too.
As for your friend betraying you, there is NO EXCUSE for that. If she thinks this is what passes for friendship, she is sadly mistaken. She darn well should know better. With friends like her, who needs enemies? What makes others think they have the right to comment on what you eat or buy? You have a better constitution that I do to tolerate that. If that were me, somebody would have gotten told where to go and how to get there long before now. In no uncertain terms with a few expletives thrown in to boot. You, my dear, are way way too nice to these hurtful idiots.
Ann, go on vacation and have a wonderful time. Maybe when you get home you will feel better from having a relaxing time away. Please Ann, don't let others decide how you feel about yourself. You have done amazingly well and if you are up 7 pounds, so what? You feel better about yourself and you are able to move better and every day above ground is a good day! Come back to us here at OH Ann. Vent, scream, swear **** and moan and whatever else you need to do to get it off your chest. We are here and we will support whatever you feel today. Don't sit home feeling bad and alone when we are all here with huge ears and big shoulders. ((HUGS)) my friend.
Higest weight 305
weight surgery day Feb 12 2009 251
Current weight 174
First goal 199 Onederland ( Reached goal Aug 8 @ 198lbs)
Second goal 193 Century Club ( Reached on Aug 30 2009 )
Third goal 180 pounds ( Reached on Nov.23 2009 ) (my personal goal)
Final goal 170 pounds ( reached Jan 5 2011) ( only stayed that weight breifly)
I'm still maggie from the grove
I LOVE MY RNY !!!
2 years down, a lifetime to go!!!!
LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE, NOBODY GETS OUT ALIVE
weight surgery day Feb 12 2009 251
Current weight 174
First goal 199 Onederland ( Reached goal Aug 8 @ 198lbs)
Second goal 193 Century Club ( Reached on Aug 30 2009 )
Third goal 180 pounds ( Reached on Nov.23 2009 ) (my personal goal)
Final goal 170 pounds ( reached Jan 5 2011) ( only stayed that weight breifly)
I'm still maggie from the grove
I LOVE MY RNY !!!2 years down, a lifetime to go!!!!
LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE, NOBODY GETS OUT ALIVE
Ann - go on vacation - have a wonderful time - rest - re-energize and most of all - I want to send you big 
When you return - you go to the clinic and get what you need and don't let up until you get to that elusive "sweet spot". And - celebrate how far you have come - which you already seem to do.
Take good care!
When you return - you go to the clinic and get what you need and don't let up until you get to that elusive "sweet spot". And - celebrate how far you have come - which you already seem to do.
Take good care!
Ann,
Reading your struggle truly hit a spot in my heart. You are not a failure. If there is something I have noticed is that Dr. Beausoleil seems too busy to provide adequate aftercare to his patients. Now this is just an observation by reading posts and speaking to a few of his patients and I am not speaking negatively towards his clinic at all because I heard they are truly an amazing group, but I gather that they simply have so many patients that it is hard to manage. I believe my surgeon will be in the same boat shortly. There should be an Obesity Clinic on every street corner but unfortunately this is not the case.
It is NOT normal to feel hungry every 2 hours with proper restriction and I am shocked that when you explain your struggle to the clinic they do not believe that you need more fills. I am never ever hungry. This must be so hard for you Ann. I recall after my first fill I did not have much restriction and felt ravished all the time and it made me irritable and I would make bad food choices because of it. When you are hungry, all logic goes out the window because you’re body is literally screaming for food.
Regular fills until you reach maintenance are absolutely necessary in my opinion. The band is like a wris****ch. As you lose weight, you need to adjust your watch to fit your wrist and the band is the exact same thing. I sincerely admire everyone on this board who has lost weight without regular fills because if I didn’t have a fill every 4 weeks, I would not be where I am. The sole reason I have lost so much weight is because of my fills. Without them, I would be the author of your post.
As you lose weight, restriction does not last. I had super restriction in November, lost weight and in December I could have ate a house! You blame yourself for not being pro active with your fills but if you didn’t know you had to be, then how can you blame yourself? When my surgeon told me he wanted to see me every 4 weeks for fills in the beginning, I thought it was a bit excessive but now realize how truly necessary it is. At my last visit, he explained that I would most likely need a fill until I reach maintenance. This of course depends on how much you lose between fills and your, stomach, but for me, after losing 10 pounds restriction goes away and I need a fill. Every month it’s the same story for me. While this may not been everyone’s experience, it has been mine thus far. Like a wris****ch, you will only need to stop adjusting the straps when you have reached your ideal weight. Again, I was very heavy in the midsection so it has been my experience so it may be different for other people.
I do not want you to feel like a failure because you are not. I’m always afraid to post on this board because I know that some people are struggling and the last thing I want to do is discourage anyone. You sound like such a sweet lady that maybe you have a hard time pressing how hungry you are to the clinic and how you absolutely NEED a fill. Only you know your body and you need to remind them of that.
Ann, it’s not too late for you at all. Your band is not working and that’s the problem. The band does 50% of the work; you do the other 50%. At the moment is seems like you’re doing your 50%, but your band isn’t holding up the bargain.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I have been wondering where you were and was quite worried about you. Please keep us posted and enjoy your vacation. If ever you need help, please let me know.
M
Thanks everyone for your encouraging words. I really want to say that I am not blaming the clinic but myself for not being more proactive. They are awesome but they are overworked and they have to be skeptical because there isn't a person on this earth with a weight problem who hasn't said "I eat healthy I don't understand why I am over weight". One of the girls at the clinic said to me that the bottom line is calories in - calories burned and so if I am gaining then I am eating too many calories and/or not exercising enough. She just would not address my hunger and that along with their skepticism is what kind of turned me off going to the clinic. I just felt like they did not want to hear me complain and that they wanted to say "Suck it up Princess and get on with it". Not that they ever would but I sure got some wonky vibes that day.
Dr. Beau's clinic has been so busy, the doctor has been so busy it stands to reason that after care is not that great. I would love to have a fill under fluroscopy just to see if I have made my pouch too big. But he won't allow it and I cannot request it. He said I don't need it. I don't know if they have taken the fluid out to measure how much is really in there. I know that some things don't go down so well but I still don't have the restriction I thought I would have by now.
I also want to reiterate that I am happy I had the surgery, I am still down in weight and far more healthy and able to so do much more than I ever dreamed of. I just would like to not be hungry. But with the trip coming up too, I did not want to get a fill and risk getting too much and end up in a foreign country with a blockage or something. So I will wait until I return. Then I am gonna put on my big girl panties and deal with the problems head on.
Sometimes I think I would want a revision but Dr. Beau won't give RNY to people my age and I cannot afford the time off required for RNY and can't afford to self pay. So it is what it is and I have to make the best of it. So in March - I am going to ask for a fill every 4 weeks until I get some "action" .
Thanks again all for your positive words of encouragement - I really needed that. I know you are all here and will hold me up when I am feeling down. You are all a wonderful bunch of people. The care here is the best.
Ann
Dr. Beau's clinic has been so busy, the doctor has been so busy it stands to reason that after care is not that great. I would love to have a fill under fluroscopy just to see if I have made my pouch too big. But he won't allow it and I cannot request it. He said I don't need it. I don't know if they have taken the fluid out to measure how much is really in there. I know that some things don't go down so well but I still don't have the restriction I thought I would have by now.
I also want to reiterate that I am happy I had the surgery, I am still down in weight and far more healthy and able to so do much more than I ever dreamed of. I just would like to not be hungry. But with the trip coming up too, I did not want to get a fill and risk getting too much and end up in a foreign country with a blockage or something. So I will wait until I return. Then I am gonna put on my big girl panties and deal with the problems head on.
Sometimes I think I would want a revision but Dr. Beau won't give RNY to people my age and I cannot afford the time off required for RNY and can't afford to self pay. So it is what it is and I have to make the best of it. So in March - I am going to ask for a fill every 4 weeks until I get some "action" .
Thanks again all for your positive words of encouragement - I really needed that. I know you are all here and will hold me up when I am feeling down. You are all a wonderful bunch of people. The care here is the best.
Ann
Ann, your so called friend is a real **** You just go ahead and flip a bird at anyone who makes a comment about anything you choose to eat. It may not be very lady like but they deserve it. No one needs food police. As for the clinic....if it was Lise that was not supportive, she isn't there any more and she may not return. No matter who it was, use them and ignore the nasty bits.
When you are ready for another fill and to get back at it, we will be here ready and waiting to support you. You have friends here and are much loved, on or off the diet.
When you are ready for another fill and to get back at it, we will be here ready and waiting to support you. You have friends here and are much loved, on or off the diet.
. 
Hey Charline - thanks love - I have known you from the beginning and am so glad of it. Ya it was Lise who just did not want to believe I was actually hungry and preferred to tell me that I was not using the rules. She just made me feel so rotten and a failure and I just did not want to go back there to that again. But I will be going back in March and will be very diligent about making sure they understand my experience with the band because everyone is different. Everyone feels things differently and so they just can't lump us all together.
As for the Betrayer - she is out of my life for good, gone and good riddance. And the chick who thought I should be skinny by now from my "fancy surgery" - she does not speak to me these days because I told her - look when I need you or anyone else to tell me how to live my life and manage my decisions I will let you know but for now - back the F-word off and mind your own business. Never the less it sure was hard to deal with after the fact. I was so raw about it all and of course frozen yogurt with caramel and chocolate chunks sure did seemed like the only thing to make that feel better.
I will be hanging around and I know you are all here for me and I so want to thank you for your comments and encouragement.
It's Saturday morning and the plan is treadmill, shower, tanning session, and off to Moncton with my dearest friend to shop for a couple of new bras - man do my girls need an up lift. I am still down nearly 70 pounds and need more than just moral and emotional support - ha ha ha ha
Thanks again,
Ann
As for the Betrayer - she is out of my life for good, gone and good riddance. And the chick who thought I should be skinny by now from my "fancy surgery" - she does not speak to me these days because I told her - look when I need you or anyone else to tell me how to live my life and manage my decisions I will let you know but for now - back the F-word off and mind your own business. Never the less it sure was hard to deal with after the fact. I was so raw about it all and of course frozen yogurt with caramel and chocolate chunks sure did seemed like the only thing to make that feel better.
I will be hanging around and I know you are all here for me and I so want to thank you for your comments and encouragement.
It's Saturday morning and the plan is treadmill, shower, tanning session, and off to Moncton with my dearest friend to shop for a couple of new bras - man do my girls need an up lift. I am still down nearly 70 pounds and need more than just moral and emotional support - ha ha ha ha
Thanks again,
Ann
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